Remember when Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg came back from paternity leave and Tucker Carlson started doing that melodic high-pitched giggle-warble he does when his masculinity feels threatened, as he made jokes about Buttigieg chest-feeding his newborn twins?
Well here comes GOP Rep. Lauren Boebert, one of the 10 stupidest Republicans in Congress, with her own jokes. You know, because it's 2021, and all the Qool Qids make gay jokes in 2021. Are these gay jokes a few weeks late, coming long after people on her own side have moved on to a new thing? Maybe. Is she literally copying Tucker's joke, because we guess she doesn't have the grey matter to come up with one for herself?
But listen, this is a person for whom the hashtag #LaurenBoebertIsSoDumb trends on a semi-regular basis, like an updated You Might Be A Redneck joke for the digital age, so maybe we should show her some grace.
These are some thoughts from an actual member of Congress:
BOEBERT: The guy in charge of it all [the supply chain], Mayor Pete, was on a two-month maternity, paternity, whatever the heck you want to call it, leave.
You call it paternity leave because it's not a new or complicated concept in civilized societies, and only the abjectly stupid are confused by it.
BOEBERT: Okay? The guy was gone. The guy was not working. Because why? He was trying to figure out how to chest feed.
There she is with the sophomoric anti-gay jokes, belittling gay parents, belittling even straight men who are able to take paternity leave, and who do so because they want to actually know their kids and take part in their upbringing.
What a winner she is.
She continued:
BOEBERT: I delivered one of my children in the front seat of my truck. Because, as a mom of four, we got things to do. Ain't nobody got time for two and a half months of maternity leave. We have a world to save here.
She had her baby in her truck because she was busy and had a world to save? Sounds legit. It's not like this is a woman with a well-documented history of just making up shit. If it's true, and we doubt it, hopefully it didn't coincide with the time she drove her truck into a ditch.
Also, this is an argument against Pete Buttigieg's paternity leave ... how?
A bit later:
BOEBERT: Mayor Pete may not have time to do his job, but at least he had time to produce an R-rated movie with Jeff Bezos studios.
Rated "R"?! Does it have heavy petting in it or something? And are Americans even allowed to view such pornography?
So that's what Lauren Boebert has to say about Pete Buttigieg.
It's really hard to figure out, in the year 2021, how to respond to things like this. If she's gritting her teeth in excitement like a hick hosting a gender reveal party because she thinks she really owned the lib-gays, we regret to inform her that she's failed in life again. For one thing, anti-gay jokes are just considered so trashy by all of polite society these days. It's like being visited by the Ghost of Christmas Past, if the ghost was in a religious cult that operated out of a meth trailer or something. Moreover, it's hard to quantify just how little words hurt when they come from some QAnon mouthbreather from Colorado who literally only matters because she managed to get elected to Congress, but doesn't matter in any other way.
So we guess we'll just mark these words down and acknowledge that they happened, while we all kind of stare curiously in Boebert's general direction and wonder what went wrong.
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"Bullet points?" JFC. And if the transportation secretary was in charge of the supply chain, why, that, wingturds, would be soshialismz.
We only DREAM of Pete being in charge of it all.