This is the most Lauren Boebert story ever.
Republican Congresswoman Lauren Boebert from Badger Cum, Colorado, was taking in a performance of the Broadway musical Beetlejuice, touring cast, in Denver. And then she wasn’t taking in a performance of the Broadway musical Beetlejuice, touring cast, in Denver. Because she acted like such classless garbage.
She was “causing a disturbance,” the headline at the Denver Post says about this member of Congress. Her campaign manager says she was just “enthusiastically” enjoying the show. We all know that type.
U.S. Rep. Lauren Boebert was escorted out of a Sunday night performance of the “Beetlejuice” musical in downtown Denver, accused by venue officials of vaping, singing, recording and “causing a disturbance” during the performance.
VAPING.
The woman was VAPING.
The paper says they got warned during intermission that others around them were complaining (LMAO), so clearly it was time to shape up and sit nicely with our hands folded in front of us, even though it is a fun show like Beetlejuice. We can go to Chuck E. Cheese afterward, OK?
The incident report states that after receiving the intermission warning, about five minutes into the second act security officials received “another complaint about the patrons being loud and at the time (they) were recording.” Taking pictures or recording is not permitted at shows.
Tacky.
Boebert’s name is apparently not listed on the report, but it doesn’t need to be. She says she was indeed sent out of the performance. On Twitter, she says she “plead[s] guilty to laughing and singing too loud!” Meanwhile, the New York Post repeatedly refers to the “mystery man” she was with.
Is there surveillance video? Oh hell yes, there is surveillance video.
More dirty details:
The report quotes one of the ushers: “They told me they would not leave. I told them that they need to leave the theater and if they do not, they will be trespassing. The patrons said they would not leave. I told them I would (be) going to get Denver Police. They said go get them.”
Tacky.
Was she vaping through her protests? Her campaign manager Drew Sexton denies the vaping. That is definitely the tackiest part, the part we would want removed from the newspaper.
“I can confirm the stunning and salacious rumors: in her personal time, Congresswoman Lauren Boebert is indeed a supporter of the performing arts (gasp!) and, to the dismay of a select few, enthusiastically enjoyed a weekend performance of ‘Beetlejuice,’ ” Sexton wrote in a statement. He noted that The Post’s review of the show last week described it as “zany,” “outrageous,” and a ‘lusty riot.’ ”
We guess Boebert thought that meant she too was allowed to be zany, outrageous, and a lusty riot.
Doesn’t her spox sound saucy though? He sounds saucy.
Boebert, he wrote, encourages everyone to see the play and its “fantastic cast, tremendous visuals and plenty of loud laughs” — but, he added, “with a gentle reminder to leave their phones outside of the venue.”
Or just turn them off like the fucking announcement at the beginning says before every theater performance in the country on any given night.
Obviously this story isn’t over yet because we haven’t told you the part where Lauren Boebert got all high and mighty like DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? WELL DO YOU?
The report said after the two patrons were escorted out and reached the building’s vestibule, they resisted leaving and said “stuff like ‘do you know who I am,’ ‘I am on the board’ (and) ‘I will be contacting the mayor.’ ”
Now we have told you that part, so this post can be over. (The Denver Post ends with a little refresher on all the times in the past Boebert has been arrested for Boebert-y behavior, should you need one. If you saw this post and thought, “Yep, that’s on brand,” you don’t need that refresher.)
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
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I, an actual zany, lusty, outrageous riot, have never been kicked out of a theater. Now Greek diners, maybe one time when I was really drunk, but never a theater.
When a Denver theatre has higher standards for who is allowed to remain than Congress it might be time for Congress to reevaluate their standards.