16 Comments

I can only assume that Herman Cain's plan for disaster preparedness is "try not hitting the fucking button for once".

Expand full comment

Laugh now, but history will record September 9th, 2009 as the momentous day Herman Cain formulated his 999 plan.

Expand full comment

That explains his signature fragrance - Love Potion # 9-9-9.

Expand full comment

I'm feeling RAGE, myself. Can't wait to see Marcus Bachmanm getting SKYRIMmed.

Expand full comment

'Must be difficult waddling around with a 9' dildo up all in there. I be the Koch brothers have that brother under remote control.

Expand full comment

I thought PacMan -- that little pizza eating those dots. And maybe the dots are middle class jobs disappearing from the screen of America.

Expand full comment

Ron Paul and electricity don't mix. He's definitely more comfortable with water-wheel technology.

Expand full comment

I'm sure your "kid" will make a great POTUS. Perhaps he'll <strike>still</strike> find time to post on Wonkette.

Expand full comment

I wonder if Cain loved SimCity as much as I did. Man, I would play that game for hours. I bet Cain's city would be a version of Magnasanti.

Expand full comment

The Daily Caller drinks the kool-aid: <i>If implemented, the 9-9-9 plan would broaden the tax base. We would truly return to the principle of everyone paying his or her fair share, with no more free-riders. Everyone would have skin in the game. </i>Some of us have already lost our skin and can't pay anything, asshole.

Expand full comment

Herman Cain is actually <i>required</i> by Repubican Party rules to use video games for his policy decisions. <blockquote>I recently learned something quite interesting about video games. Many young people have developed incredible hand, eye, and brain coordination in playing these games. The air force believes these kids will be our outstanding pilots should they fly our jets.</blockquote> -- Ronald Reagan

So it is written, so it is done.

Expand full comment

Cain has graduated to SimAnt. Next week, he'll give a major policy speech about how we "need to get the spider before it can get us."

Expand full comment

Rick Perry's plan is called "10-10-10." It works out like this:

Everybody but Rick and Anita shall follow the 10 Commandments; $0.10 of very tax dollar goes into the Rick Perry Special Enterprise Fund for his pet projects; and, Rick will execute 10 prisoners every month he's President

Expand full comment

Stealing a plan from a video game is still better than getting them from the zombie Reagan butthole where most Republican economic policies originate.

Expand full comment

Neither does Cheney. If had a working heart, maybe...

Expand full comment

I read somewhere that he was going to get his foreign policy info from Civ IV, military guidance from Call of Duty, musical chops from Guitar Hero, and sweet lovin' skills from Leisure Suit Larry.

Expand full comment