Let's Put Off Celebrating Fight Procrastination Day!

And we shall do so by talking about Leon Czolgosz, who assassinated William McKinley on this day in 1901.

That's Donna Jean Dogchow, David Bowie, and Dana Scully, with Hero snoozing in the back.

Happy Weekend!

Today is Fight Procrastination Day, which seems like a very rude holiday to have on a Saturday, which is such a very good day for procrastinating. Thank goodness we’re under no actual obligation to celebrate.

Today is also the anniversary of Leon Czolgosz assassinating William McKinley on this day, at the Pan-American Exposition in Buffalo, in 1901 — details I admittedly only remember because of a song from Sondheim’s Assassins.

Sadly for McKinley, this was 27 years prior to the invention of penicillin. Why does that matter? Because Czolgosz believed he had syphilis at the time. He didn’t actually have it, but he believed he did and was dying from it, which some believe was part of the reason he had so few qualms about the whole assassination thing.

Probably the main thing people know about Czolgosz was that he was an anarchist, but he had literally just gotten into it in May of that year and was really more of a dilettante as far as that was concerned. It’s not as though he had some fabulously well-developed political philosophy. He had tried to get in with Emma Goldman and her anarchist pals after hearing her give a speech, but they all thought he was a creep and probably a narc.

Days before the McKinley assassination, the anarchist publication Free Society literally put out a notice telling people to avoid him.

ATTENTION! The attention of the comrades is called to another spy. He is well dressed, of medium height, rather narrow shoulders, blond and about 25 years of age. Up to the present he has made his appearance in Chicago and Cleveland. In the former place he remained but a short time, while in Cleveland he disappeared when the comrades had confirmed themselves of his identity and were on the point of exposing him. His demeanor is of the usual sort, pretending to be greatly interested in the cause, asking for names or soliciting aid for acts of contemplated violence. If this same individual makes his appearance elsewhere the comrades are warned in advance, and can act accordingly.

I mean, I guess he showed them?

There are a lot of weird stories about Czolgosz — notably some creepypasta about how there was a quarter dated 2218 in his pocket, suggesting he might be a time traveler. This story usually mentions that the quarter didn’t have George Washington on it, which would be a truly spooky detail if George Washington had, in fact, been on the quarter in 1901, which he was not.

The 1901 Barber quarter, featuring Liberty, not George Washington

Another story that is at least partly true is that the day after McKinley succumbed to his wounds, a tavern owner named John Schrank had a dream in which McKinley told him to “Avenge my death” and pointed to a shrouded figure Schrank just knew was Teddy Roosevelt (suggesting that Roosevelt had perhaps orchestrated the assassination?). A little over a decade later, on October 14, 1912, Schrank attempted to assassinate Roosevelt, because he was seeking a third term in office. Why? Because a month earlier, McKinley’s ghost had popped by to say “Hey!” and reminding him, “Let no murderer occupy the presidential chair for a third term. Avenge my death!”

I mean — I get it. Killing is one thing, but a killer getting a third term in office? That’s just beyond.

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