236 Comments
User's avatar
Hank Napkin's avatar

Sir loses Element of Surprise in Chicago!

Expand full comment
a. diderot's avatar

I think that is actually Columbia on the coin. She was often portrayed as wearing a laurel crown although originally she was Native American was topless with a feathered headdress, riding on a caiman with a parrot in one hand and a cornucopia in the other: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Columbia_(personification)

Expand full comment
Hollysdower's avatar

"...a tavern owner named John Schrank had a dream in which McKinley told him to “Avenge my death”

All I can think of is this 😂

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uu3FRRXqazw

Expand full comment
DV Thrombossa Nova's avatar

McKinley's wife, Ida Saxon, was my great-great-great aunt on my father's side. Thank you for your attention to this matter!!!!

Expand full comment
lotsacatsndogs's avatar

Haven't read downthread so imagine I am joining a chorus: GOONS! LOTSA GOOOOOONS!!! ❤️❤️

Expand full comment
Bks&Rcds's avatar

Or as Pogo said "there is nothing so urgent today that won't be urgenter tomorrow."

Expand full comment
pmsrw3's avatar

As Mark Twain said,

"Verschiebe nie bis morgen was genausogut bis übermorgen verschoben werden kann!"

Not sure why it sounds so much better in German than English. "genausogut" sounds more emphatic than "just as well," and somehow the characteristically German verb pile-on at the end, "bis übermorgen verschoben werden kann!" just works so well.

English:

“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”

Expand full comment
lordpnut's avatar

"Gegenausensnaut" is the preposition of the future.

Expand full comment
DV Thrombossa Nova's avatar

I was rejected from the gegenausensnaut training program because of the constant nausen for which scopolamine proved useless.

Expand full comment
lordpnut's avatar

This was the concern of Mr Mersault. Revolver or autoloader?

Expand full comment
Antifa Commander's avatar

I was confused by the day’s title, as to why we were supposed to be fighting, and given that, why we were putting it off.

Expand full comment
lordpnut's avatar

Make an appointment, and I'll have someone explain it to you and your team. Later.

Expand full comment
Mr Mild - BlueVotingBastard💙's avatar

Thanks, it is. The school year got off to a bit of a shaky start when Mild Jr had a "discussion" with a problem parent.

The antidote to that story was one about one of his students who has severe anxiety about school and also self-harms (this is 7th grade). To try to get her to come to class he told her she could bring anyone she wanted to the class. She brought her grandmother and had a good class.

The grandmother later told Mild Jr how much she appreciated his compassion and thoughtfulness toward her granddaughter.

I'm trying not to cry writing this.

He is awesome.

Expand full comment
Demme Fatale's avatar

7th grade is the roughest of the rough!

It takes a uniquely talented teacher to handle this age.

Mild Jr. sounds very special.

Expand full comment
Mr Mild - BlueVotingBastard💙's avatar

That he is.

Expand full comment
Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

Not many people know this, but William McKinley was my 32nd cousin on my father's side.

Trust me, those damned Czolgoszes know better than to set foot in Ohio.

The Irish don't forgive, and they sure as hell don't forget.

Expand full comment
Biff52, Wonkette Refugee's avatar

Lucky Ducky!

The preznit I'm related to is Buchanan.

Fucking Buchanan, man. He's grateful for both shrub and tfg for pushing him up the list of worst preznits evar.

Expand full comment
Ellie Alive In 25's avatar

I think this is the oldest recorded song about the assassination.

https://youtu.be/U8cIKeRoKh4

But the lyrics I learned (to that same tune) back in the early '70s were -with Czolgosz' name misspelled:

The pistol fires, McKinley falls

Doc says, “McKinley, I can’t find that ball”

In Buffalo, in Buffalo

Zolgotz, Zolgotz you done him wrong

You shot poor McKinley while he was walking along

In Buffalo, Buffalo

Well, Doc had a horse and he threw down the rein

He said to that horse, “You better outrun this train”

From Buffalo to Washington

Yeah, Doc come a-running and he tore off his specs

He said, “Mr. McKinley, done cashed in your checks

You’re bound to die, you’re bound to die”

McKinley he hollered, McKinley he squalled

The doc say, “McKinley, I can’t find that ball”

In Buffalo to Washington

Look here, little rascal, just look what you’ve done

You shot my husband with that Ivor Johnstone gun

He’ll be gone a long, long time.

Well hush up, little children, don’t you fret

You’ll draw a pension off your poor papa’s death

He’s gonna be gone a long, long time.

Roosevelt in the White House, he’s doing his best

McKinley’s in the graveyard, he’s taking his rest

He’s gonna be gone a long, long time

Roosevelt in the White House he’s drinking out of a silver cup

McKinley’s in the graveyard, he never will wake up

He’ll be gone a long, long time.

Sorry for the length - but the song brought this (and so many other versions) to mind.

Expand full comment
Mark C. Abbott's avatar

Thanks for this, Ellie! Somehow I'd never heard this song (nor of it) despite its importance to the old hometown's history. As my maternal grandma said when I told her about learning in school that day of the Pan-Am and the assassination, and she said she'd attended it, she never saw the president (she went there on a different day) but certainly remembered meeting a much more important man than him -- she was introduced to my grandfather there while waiting for a streetcar. Better yet, their photo was in the newspaper the next day -- and I found it at the history museum!

Expand full comment
Ellie Alive In 25's avatar

I'm happy to have introduced you to it. There are many other versions, including one with a verse about the children having another papa elsewhere - added long after the assassination, and I don't like it because the McKinleys appeared to be a happily married couple. But verses are added to old folk songs all the time. That's what makes them interesting.

Nice to see you here .... and take care of yourself!!

Expand full comment
Babe Paley's avatar

Lots of interesting stuff about the assassin though.

Anyone who likes history interestingly told with a lot of trivia? “Assassination Vacation” by Sarah Vowell. Can’t recommend highly enough!

Expand full comment
PAUL's avatar

Sarah Vowell is a national treasure.

Expand full comment
Linoleum von Curmudgeon, Esq.'s avatar

Holy shit! Have you guys seen this?

CNN and NYT both reporting that the Germans want in on the grift and have decided to outdo the Qatar regime by offering Donald something for his library! But instead of a Boeing jet airliner they are sending over a product from their own revitalized and improved *Zeppelin Airship Werks*.

Almost three times the size of the famous 'Hindenberg' it will be able to carry a gondola of solid gold. (No. not solid gold. Just painted to look that way) It works best at low altitudes which is good for the elderly man with a weak heart. It also doesn't move very fast so he does not get too excited. It will be christened 'Trump Zeppelin'.

Germany, France and badass Montenegro have all signed a compact to jointly build mooring towers for this gift in DC and Florida. Montenegro is responsible for installing the necessary elevators. France is responsible for making sure the towers are properly grounded and Germany is installing smoking lounges near the top of the mast for everyone's convenient luxury.

Nothing can possibly go wrong.

Expand full comment
Antifa Commander's avatar

“Oh, the humanity!” he shouted joyfully.

Expand full comment
Hops: 86/47 or bust's avatar

In this specific case, I would recommend that they inflate it with hydrogen. Helium is too woke.

Expand full comment
Satanic Pancake's avatar

And use coal-fired engines for propulsion.

Expand full comment
Notorious J.I.M.'s avatar

And that iron oxide/aluminum coating - there's some authenticity.

Expand full comment
CzechJournalists's avatar

loved the extremely limited use of liquified coal as a fuel in Paolo Bacigalupi's (yes, i had to read the cover for spelling) The Windup Girl.

Expand full comment
Linoleum von Curmudgeon, Esq.'s avatar

"Democrats want to regulate hydrogen and use helium instead. No hoax helium for me! Only the best hydrogen! So much safer than wind or solar. Big strong crewmen with tears in their eyes say 'Sir, Sir! Welcome aboard Sir!' when I get on. They say "Sir! Watch your step Sir!" when I get off. All the birds stay safe and don't die with hydrogen. Hoax helium must be banned. It kills the birds."

Expand full comment
CzechJournalists's avatar

only one element is #1. #2 helium might be good 'nough for some presidents, but only the best can maga.

Expand full comment
Notorious J.I.M.'s avatar

Best to avoid #2 with this president.

Expand full comment
paperlesstiger's avatar

I guess the empire might as well decline in style.

Expand full comment
Rosy red ASS's avatar

I am peacing out for the day. Everyone go out and enjoy something. We all need that!

Expand full comment
Martin Shobe's avatar

Going to be mixed. Celebrating a birthday (not mine) and going to an uncle's funeral.

Expand full comment
Dina's avatar

Yeah, we're shortly off to our favorite microbrewery/taproom for some burgers and good beer. We'll definitely enjoy that.

Hope you have a good rest of the day, too!

Expand full comment
Herr Snackmeier's avatar

Really trivial presidential trivia: there are more things, schools, roads, institutions, etc. named for McKinley in Buffalo than in the man's hometown of Canton, Ohio.

Expand full comment
Always Be Ithacating's avatar

Really trivial trivia is the best trivia!

Expand full comment
Martin Shobe's avatar

If it isn't trivial, is it really trivia?

Expand full comment
Jamoche's avatar

If you aren't saying it where three roads meet, it's not trivia, it's just sparkling gossip.

Expand full comment
Mr Mild - BlueVotingBastard💙's avatar

OT: A copy of the message Mild Jr’s principal sent after Mild Jr started back in the classroom after returning from paternity leave.

https://substack.com/@mrmild/note/c-153051466?r=2knm5p&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action

Expand full comment
Mr Mild - BlueVotingBastard💙's avatar

OT: A copy of the message Mild Jr’s principal sent after Mild Jr started back in the classroom after returning from paternity leave.

https://substack.com/@mrmild/note/c-153051466?r=2knm5p&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action

Expand full comment
Biff52, Wonkette Refugee's avatar

The only recognition I ever got was a $100 Series EE savings bond. That was almost thirty years ago, and it still hasn't matured.

Expand full comment
Mr Mild - BlueVotingBastard💙's avatar

May want to check on that bond. We lost track and the Treasury sucked them all back. Not a huge amount, but enough to be annoying.

Expand full comment
Biff52, Wonkette Refugee's avatar

How the hell can they even do that?

Expand full comment
Mr Mild - BlueVotingBastard💙's avatar

There's a limit to how long you can wait to redeem it after it matures.

The more you know. All those kids who got bonds as Bar/Bat Mitzvah or Confirmation gifts lost out on money if they weren't paying attention.

Expand full comment
Biff52, Wonkette Refugee's avatar

OK, found my bond and calculated it out on their website. It's still valid, worth more than the face value, and still accruing interest until November 2028.

Expand full comment
Biff52, Wonkette Refugee's avatar

Huh. I thought they just stopped accruing interest at maturity. Mine hasn’t reached it yet, I don’t think. I’m trying to find it now.

Expand full comment
Rosy red ASS's avatar

That is so cool!

Expand full comment
Mr Mild - BlueVotingBastard💙's avatar

Thanks, it is. The school year got off to a bit of a shaky start when Mild Jr had a "discussion" with a problem parent.

The antidote to that story was one about one of his students who has severe anxiety about school and also self-harms (this is 7th grade). To try to get her to come to class he told her she could bring anyone she wanted to the class. She brought her grandmother and had a good.

The grandmother later told Mild Jr how much she appreciated his compassion and thoughtfulness toward her granddaughter.

I'm trying not to cry writing this.

He is awesome.

Expand full comment