We have been so sexcited ever since South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham teased that he just might have to run for president in 2016 so all the rich white men who belong to men-only clubs will finally have their own president for the first time ever. And since Graham won re-election on Tuesday night --
And now a story ... It is late afternoon at Lindsey Graham's South Carolina estate. He sits in the parlor sipping on a julep surrounded by a group of old white gentleman callers.
"Oh my, but this heat is so oppressive", Lindsey says, "It's enough to irritate one's nethers and cause all manner of aggression." He continues, "Why I do declare, the insults and bad manners I have had to endure would absolutely cause a lesser person to just up and spit. But, Gentlemen I hold no revenge in my heart, oh no, I just want to right the ship of state and be there for you and for all wealthy white gentlemen who have up till now been so painfully slighted."
Lindsey approaches a table of glass figurines and says, "Each one of these figures in my glass menagerie holds very special meaning to me but this one is my most special. It's a symbol of the highest office in all the land." He walks back to his seat and exclaims "Oh Gentlemen, if all of you would just choose me, I will be the finest president for old white men that has ever lived."
This basically goes on like this for another 30 pages or so, until one day poor Lindsey attempts to pick up a group of young Spanish men for sexual purposes and they unfortunately turn on him and eat him. It's very sad.
This old SC fratboy isn't any more likely to get elected president than some washed up actor who used to host "Death Valley Days."
He's so obviously, screamingly gay. And normally I wouldn't care if he was gay and a Republican -- if you want to join a club that thinks you're an abomination so that your self-hatred can make sexytimes just that much more spicy or because you're a racist oligarch who just happens to like sucking dick, have at it, you pathetic wretch -- but when it's a gay Republican politician who doesn't even have the decency to admit they're a queen as they vote against and rhetorically rail against your own people and every other minority, then I'm sorry but a few "Miss Lindsey" jokes about the vapors and Latino poolboys is the very, very least they deserve.
Obamacare allowed Luis to get health insurance so he no longer had to go-go down at The Pink Chaise, and Miss Lindsey will NEVER FORGIVE that blah president for that!
And now a story ... It is late afternoon at Lindsey Graham's South Carolina estate. He sits in the parlor sipping on a julep surrounded by a group of old white gentleman callers.
"Oh my, but this heat is so oppressive", Lindsey says, "It's enough to irritate one's nethers and cause all manner of aggression." He continues, "Why I do declare, the insults and bad manners I have had to endure would absolutely cause a lesser person to just up and spit. But, Gentlemen I hold no revenge in my heart, oh no, I just want to right the ship of state and be there for you and for all wealthy white gentlemen who have up till now been so painfully slighted."
Lindsey approaches a table of glass figurines and says, "Each one of these figures in my glass menagerie holds very special meaning to me but this one is my most special. It's a symbol of the highest office in all the land." He walks back to his seat and exclaims "Oh Gentlemen, if all of you would just choose me, I will be the finest president for old white men that has ever lived."
This basically goes on like this for another 30 pages or so, until one day poor Lindsey attempts to pick up a group of young Spanish men for sexual purposes and they unfortunately turn on him and eat him. It's very sad.
The End
Miss Lindsey would probably love it if Obama slapped him in the face with something, but it ain't a glove.
HAWT1!!!!!
Good first step to righting the ship of state?
Jump off it. Now.
Only the Maxis.
The book is even better.
i'd produce this in a heartbeat.
The book has that little overlay of cynical realism that Reiner decided to leave out. (Wisely, IMO, for making a movie).
Was that a Frank Underwood quote? Now I'm going to have to go back and binge-watch HoC again to check.
Are his tweets always so poetic?
This old SC fratboy isn't any more likely to get elected president than some washed up actor who used to host "Death Valley Days."
Turning the other cheek gives Miss Lindsey hot flashes.
There was something funny about the napkins at the Sanitary Cafe . . .
Too bad most of his constiuents think revenge is the appropriate action. Gotta put "that one" in his place, y'know?
He's so obviously, screamingly gay. And normally I wouldn't care if he was gay and a Republican -- if you want to join a club that thinks you're an abomination so that your self-hatred can make sexytimes just that much more spicy or because you're a racist oligarch who just happens to like sucking dick, have at it, you pathetic wretch -- but when it's a gay Republican politician who doesn't even have the decency to admit they're a queen as they vote against and rhetorically rail against your own people and every other minority, then I'm sorry but a few "Miss Lindsey" jokes about the vapors and Latino poolboys is the very, very least they deserve.
Obamacare allowed Luis to get health insurance so he no longer had to go-go down at The Pink Chaise, and Miss Lindsey will NEVER FORGIVE that blah president for that!