Liquid GOLD JERRY, GOLD! Tabs, Wed., Aug. 19, 2026
Morning news roundup and things to read!
ACHTUNG ATTENTION! We shall be buying you drinks in honor of our beloved Fukui this Friday night, 6-8 or 9 p.m. (other people, and we, may stay longer, we’re just old and tired and not promising), at the Hyatt Regency San Francisco (5 Embarcadero Center). See you there unless we see you first!
Good morning, it’s tabs time! Are you welcome? You are!
Did Rep. Cory Mills of Florida lose his Republican primary last night just because of the 18 months worth of allegations from multiple womena about domestic abuse, the alleged stolen valor Bronze Star, and the 19-year-old girlfriend he doesn’t deny? No idea, it’s not even last night yet! (Looks like yes.) (Mother Jones) Wait a minute, Madison Cawthorn and Chris Collins are both running for Congress in Floriday yestertoday? I really feel like we should have known about that! Did one win? Again no idea! (Haven’t checked.) (Jamie Dupree) Looks like progressive Angie Nixon beat centrist Alex Vindman in their Democratic primary; he’s been saying some really weird shit about Muslims lately, so, good! (Politico)
Well, I think the AI data centers are cooked. The only way they’re going to survive this kind of broad-based cross-political-spectrum hatred and “mail your pee to AI data centers” is to change their name to Enron.
So this fake polling company, Median Strategies, was doing fake polls (Francesca Hong up 23 percent, for instance) for “social experiment” mmmhmmmm mmmmmhmmmm. (AP)
Minnesota is suing Texas to hand over its fucking murderer ICE agent, but the good news which I did not know is: That dude’s been sitting jail the last three months? GOOD. The bad news is you can’t jail a fugitive in Texas for more than 90 days, a limit which is coming up in a week. (Gift link Minnesota Star Tribune)
JVL at the Bulwark says this guy who voted for Trump specifically so he would deport the illegals is “at the zoo jumping the fence and running full-speed toward a hot stove inside the leopard enclosure,” so I’m for sure gonna click and enjoy on that. (Gift link New York Times)
Wonkette has no ads and no paywall. We are entirely reader-supported since 2016 (and have been around since 2004)! Subscribe with money or for free, we like it either way!
The button below will take any amount of your choosing, one-time or monthly, at Paypal, or we have a Patreon too.
Also! A Venmo!
Oh hey, the New York Times now has unlimited gift links — what is their angle??? — so here’s a lovely, lovely story about these retired Catholic nuns who are now living their lives of service in a Lutheran retirement home. At least, it was a lovely story when Letters From Leo wrote about it, but that one’s paywalled, so! (Gift link NYT)
Democrat-aligned scam pacs are fleecing old people, and the Democratic Party needs to put a fucking stop to it instead of for some unknown goddamn reason helping to cover it up via cease-and-desists to the reporters exposing it. And I’m feeling fine about my continued lack of support for the DCCC and DSCC ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (Chris Lehmann at The Nation / researcher Adam Bonica)
Yiiiiiiiikes, this Ron DeSantis ally/appointee has been suspended from his $219,000 a year job as Palm Beach clerk after these extremely graphic allegations of sexual assault of a boy under five yiiiiiiiikes. And guess whose first allegation this wasn’t. (Gift link Miami Herald)
You know who’s never properly (or really much at all) apologized or atoned for being a big ol’ white supremacist? This guy, Richard Hanania, whom the media just loves to call up for his moderate, mild take on why minorities are not as good as white people! (The Handbasket)
Unpopular opinion: I didn’t think it was awesome that Luigi killed that health insurance CEO, even though Luigi is handsome. Same for Charlie Kirk, no matter how hilarious the children are about his head getting blown off. I don’t think it’s good for us to be so nonchalant about murdering people, or that there’s any class of people it’s okay to kill. Via some guy on Bluesky, here’s another Luigi, an anarchist who assassinated the Empress Elisabeth of Austria just because he could. What a fascinating woman! Also used very gross face creams. (Wikipedia)
Popular opinion: I think former Senator Kyrsten Sinema is a bad person, and she should feel bad. (People mag)
New York Mayor Zohran Mamdani made a babysitters club so parents could have a night out. We can have nice things. (New York mag)
What terrible libelslanders is mean Jon Ossoff mouthing at our poor perfect president today?
Wonkette parties upcoming: SAN FRANCISCO in honor of Fukui, Fri., Aug. 21, 6-8 or 9 p.m., Hyatt Regency SF (Embarcadero); WINDSOR, MASS, potluck! Find your own place to camp or AirBnB near but not at Paul and Holly’s, Labor Day weekend: Holly says, “campfires and food and drink (BYO adult stuff) on Saturday and Sunday from noon(ish) to bedtime. For information shoot me an email. hollyturner at live dot com”; Atlanta has been postponed to October. SECOND SAN FRANCISCO: Mon., Nov. 30, Embarcardero Hyatt again.
We are losing about one percent of our subscribers a month AIYEEEE. It would be really helpful if you sent Wonkette to some friends!
Bookshop.org is the anti-Amazon, a certified B-corp partnering with local bookstores. Here’s our Bookshop affiliate link, when you buy books, Wonkette gets 10 percent. You can search any old book from that page and it will count. Buy all the books!
I will never stop using all the different colored texts, I LOVE THEM!
Your thirsty gif source info: https://martiniambassador.substack.com/p/bottles-and-bambini
And meme chat: https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/fa34f8e8-8b78-4a88-9f0d-c4c55fdc9a54?utm_source=share
“A society becomes totalitarian when its structure becomes flagrantly artificial. That is when its ruling class has lost its function but succeeds in clinging to power by force or fraud.” - George Orwell
Yeppers.