LIVE: Choose Your Own Adventure! Merrick Garland Or IRONMAN Secretary Mayor Pete?

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Neither of these men is Merrick Garland OR ARE THEY? (Stoled from Chasten’s Instagram)

We guess the biggest hearing of the morning is in the House Judiciary Committee, where Attorney General Merrick Garland will be confronted by chair Jim Jordan and his team of clown-brained skidmarks, who will force him to answer for why Hunter Biden and Joe Biden are free men, while Donald Trump was executed this morning at dawn. (RIGGED AND STOLLEN.)

Here’s a bit of what Garland is going to say this morning, per Playbook:

“Our job is not to do what is politically convenient,” the AG is expected to say, according to prepared remarks. “Our job is not to take orders from the president, from Congress, or from anyone else, about who or what to criminally investigate.

“As the president himself has said, and I reaffirm here today: I am not the president's lawyer. I will also add that I am not Congress’s prosecutor. The Justice Department works for the American people.”

But if Jim Jordan is just not on your dance card today —if you just cannot deal with yet another fucking escaped coach trying to do a real person’s job right this second — then Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg is in a House Infrastructure and Transportation oversight hearing. He will have to explain how he uses his extravagant gayness to derail trains.

Also, Pete just finished the IRONMAN triathlon — pic above — so that’s cool.

Anyway, the hearings are at the same time (10 a.m. ET) so fuck it, use this thread to do what you want. (You’ll probably just go back to watching porn anyway.)

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Evan Hurst on Twitter right here. 

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