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Linoleum von Curmudgeon, Esq.'s avatar

(Meanwhile, over in the Egypt-Conquered-The-World Dimension, Pharaoh Joe Biden-Ho-Tep sits on his ceremonial Throne at the foot of The Great Obama Obelisk with his Divine Queen Consort Jill. Today they must celebrate Pharaoh Joe's Jubilee where he proves his fitness to rule the entire Egyptian World by accomplishing Festivus style feats of strength. A high Priest has been chanting a three hour long opening invocation hymn and Pharaoh Joe decides to interrupt him)

Pharaoh Joe Biden-Ho-Tep: Can we just cut the crap and get on with the tests to prove my fitness?

High Priest: Let it be as Divine Pharaoh commands! Your first test will be to run down the King's Road to mile marker seven. There you will find a large jar of Nile river water. You must drink that water. You will also find a very nice cake box with a very nice cake inside. You must hoist that cake box over your head and run all the way back here. You must not allow a single crumb of that cake to touch the ground nor should the icing be damaged! So it is written! So must it be!

Pharaoh Joe Biden-Ho-Tep: (reaches down to side of his throne and lifts up a cake box) Is this the box I need to retrieve?

High Priest: It Is! But how...

Pharaoh Joe Biden-Ho-Tep: I got bored during the opening hymn so I went ahead and made the cake run. How about we just cut the rest of the malarkey and let's cut into this delicious cake?

High Priest: Let it be as Divine Pharaoh commands!

(for further info please see https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/78244/why-pharaohs-were-made-run-around-their-palaces-every-3-years)

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Boojum's avatar

I want to live in that timeline, but I have one question: Is the cake the cakes we like?

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BillEGoatSmile's avatar

Jack spells out an utterly reasonable timeline in the DC case, culminating in a Jan 2nd trial date. His team is really magnificent in shutting off TFG's arguments before they even begin.

Also too, the docket says TFG added 2 more lawyers today, and Blanche's pro hac vice motion is screwed up and oh hai, the Court will show you how to do it properly.

https://storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.uscourts.dcd.258149/gov.uscourts.dcd.258149.23.0_5.pdf

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cmd Human Scum's avatar

The 2 new lawyers appear to be from Lauro's Florida firm. Maybe they are giving him a quantity discount on fees.

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Sojourner Truth's avatar

Oh, barf.

Asa Hutchinson in a Morning Joe clip yammering about Inflation and interest rates (then run for the FEDERAL RESERVE, dumbass, because that's their job) and also channeling his inner Sarah Palin (basically saying drill, baby drill).

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Renaissance Outlaw's avatar

Memo to Mr Hutchinson:

You had a nice little career

Take the gold watch and get the fuck out

And take Andrea Mitchell with you.

Maybe both of you could enjoy afternoon “tea” 😉 with Peggy Noonan

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OG Blockhead's avatar

OT: Joe Manchin thinking of leaving the Democratic Party that he's not really a part of

https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/4147292-manchin-thinking-seriously-about-leaving-democratic-party/

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Georgiaburning's avatar

“No Labels”? There is a label for them, but (paraphrasing Joan Crawford) it’s not used in polite society outside of a bordello

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Sojourner Truth's avatar

no

please

dont go

insert willie wonka .jpg

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Villago Delenda Est 🇺🇦's avatar

Joe Manchin and his entire parasite family can fuck off and, well, you know...

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Thank You For Trying's avatar

Move into a home next to Rand Paul's hero neighbor?

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Satanic Pancake's avatar

Eat coal dust?

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

Breathe coal smoke.

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Renaissance Outlaw's avatar

That reminds me to change my bong water

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Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

"I change this water every two months whether it needs or not. Wanna hit?"

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Renaissance Outlaw's avatar

In my yute I would use Scope/mouthwash.

Would enjoy the reactions from the unsuspecting

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Aug 10, 2023
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BillEGoatSmile's avatar

Time to bring up the daughter again. She's an epic sleaze.

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Renaissance Outlaw's avatar

You can bet on all the dark money that will be going to a third party candidate.

That’s the oligarchs’ best strategy for the upcoming election.

Sling as much shit at OHJB and claim it’s “disaffected Democrats” concerned about age/competence/Hunter Biden’s Magnificent Cock.

The monied interests aren’t going to fund the PAB campaign because they don’t want to pay for the PAB’s graft.

That’s what the drooling MAGA chuds are for.

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abbienormal's avatar

No labels, for the unprincipled politician that only wants to funnel money into their pockets.

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tehbaddr's avatar

Now, now, just because he's a coal robber baron is no reason to be down on the good fellow!

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Alpaca's avatar

i wish No Labels supporters would look past the glib name and learn who these fuckers are

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Zap's avatar

No labels is a label.

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Aug 10, 2023
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Villago Delenda Est 🇺🇦's avatar

Billionaire parasites at work protecting their ill-gotten gains.

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Alpaca's avatar

for those who dont tweet I have put Elie's Nation article in my notes - it is a 2 parter. WEll worth the few minutes it takes to read it

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Rocket Cat's avatar

Sort of on topic. I am *stunned* by this reporting of The Deseret News on the guy killed by the FBI who threatened Biden. All these interviews with neighbors who thought he was such a great guy who was just spouting off on social media. Are people now so normalized to violent extremist rhetoric online that they are blind to violent extremists in their midst? Meet MAGAs next big martyr:

https://www.deseret.com/utah/2023/8/9/23826196/fbi-shooting-provo-utah-one-dead

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Boogie Mama's avatar

But he was nice to -US-!

Dudes say that about predatory other dudes. He couldn't have! We did bong hits together! I don't think he's creepy!

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cmd Human Scum's avatar

According to CNN, "FBI SWAT agents were giving commands to the man when he pointed a gun at them, according to a law enforcement source familiar with the incident." But details are pretty scarce.

AND, I can just hear the second amendment rights and WHY we have to have guns to protect against the Deep State.

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Lady MS's avatar

IIRC, neighbors didn’t notice anything hinky about the freak who shot up Las Vegas concert, either.

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Georgiaburning's avatar

If this guy was Islamic fanatic instead of LDS, the neighbors would be pinning medals on the FBI agents

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Rocket Cat's avatar

Right? Or Antifa

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Bradthe🤖's avatar

At least we don’t have to watch him give speeches at CPAC.

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Rocket Cat's avatar

They’ll probably reanimate him using CGI to host CPAC

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Villago Delenda Est 🇺🇦's avatar

Unlike, say, Kyle Rittenhouse, Drumpfenjugend Unterscharfuhrer.

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Bobathonic's avatar

I read that as Untershartführer and I'm sticking with it.

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Aug 10, 2023
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Rocket Cat's avatar

He’s just a big old teddy bear! With a sniper rifle! Lord knows sweet and cuddly people all have sniper rifles

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Alpaca's avatar

Great article by Elie on the Montgomery Brawl

https://twitter.com/ElieNYC/status/1689664329212215296

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Bradthe🤖's avatar

Yeah. Except for this part, “There were white onlookers, and riverboat passengers, who could have joined the defense of Pickett. Nobody was stopping them, but they declined to help. As happens so often in this society, Black people had to defend each other because nobody else will.”

This after acknowledging earlier in the article that a white person did actually join to help, “The 16-year-old white kid who ferried Pickett to the dock tries to intervene, and he is punched.”

Writing in absolutes when you have already falsified the hypothesis that white people didn’t help by mentioning the one who did…. I’m not sure why that annoys me so much; I guess it’s because that young white man deserves more credit.

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Rooster Cogburn's avatar

Not gonna fault anyone for not wading into a brawl.

You can get hurt doing that.

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Alpaca's avatar

I’m not sure if it’s appropriate to call what was essentially a mini race riot “joyful,” but I took a lot of joy from watching the fracas. To understand why, you have to be at least more knowledgeable about the history of white violence against Black people in this country than a person currently being educated in Florida. The white people who attack us in broad daylight always think they’ll get away with it. Usually, they’re right. This time, however, they were wrong. And privileged white racists learning they are wrong in real time is a joy to behold.

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Nalano635's avatar

Watching clips of Biden on the TeeVee in a Japanese joint. Man is more Clint Eastwood than Clint Eastwood with that squint.

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Rooster Cogburn's avatar

"Do ya feel lucky, GOP?"

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Villago Delenda Est 🇺🇦's avatar

OK, let's run with this. Is he even more like Marty McFly?

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everett fanuelli's avatar

"More Eastwood than East-wood!"

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Aug 10, 2023
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Nalano635's avatar

What can I say? The man has style.

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Raccoon of Vengeance's avatar

Smith is proposing Jan 2nd as the start of the trial in DC https://twitter.com/MacFarlaneNews/status/1689696118441967616?s=20

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Fartknocker's avatar

Happy motherfuckin holidays PAB. Christmas will be ackward.

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Rhand Holm's avatar

It always is in PAB's house. I mean, how many expired McDonald's coupons does Barron actually need?

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Demme Fatale's avatar

OMG, Maui!

Heard about this yesterday, but my heart is still breaking.

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Biff52 Lost Canadian's avatar

I've never been and likely never will, but it breaks my heart, too. Living in the Sierra, I've seen some Paradise Lost.

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Cincinnatus's avatar

Reported on HuffPo:

"President Joe Biden let Fox News’ Peter Doocy know what he thought of his journalism skills in a sharp exchange on Wednesday.)

Doocy asked the president about his son Hunter Biden’s questionable business dealings ― a constant right-wing echo in what has been a fruitless effort to link the president to them.

“There’s this testimony now where one of your son’s former business associates is claiming that you were on speakerphone a lot with them talking business,” Doocy challenged at an event in Belen, New Mexico.

“I never talked business with anybody,” Biden growled. “And I knew you’d have a lousy question.”

“What makes it a lousy question? Doocy asked.

“Because it’s not true,” Biden replied."

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IMPOed's avatar

Didn't Dark Brandon call him a "stupid sob" on a hot mic?

I laughed and laughed...

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BillEGoatSmile's avatar

Good. And do it every time he gets a stupid-ass question from any of these mouth-breathers.

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Renaissance Outlaw's avatar

“Because it’s not true,” Biden replied."

You shouldn’t have held back, OHJB. Tell him what you REALLY think

“Because it’s a bunch of malarkey!”

You gotta take off the gloves with these jerkoffs

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wavicles's avatar

Jerkoffs?

Watch your language.

Scallawags!

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Villago Delenda Est 🇺🇦's avatar

Agent Five, escort this dipshit out the gate.

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Fartknocker's avatar

I wish Joe would do like the Iraqi did to GWB Jr.: throw a shoe at doocy. Sure, it's not very statesmanish but it is a real-life FAFO event.

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Being released's avatar

Now we have to hear all the people who didn't say anything about Trump's never ending talk of FAKE MEDIA and ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE talk about Biden's lack of decorum.

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JustPixelz's avatar

OT, CNN: SE Cupp: Is Jesus too woke for Trump evangelicals?

Is this a trick question?

https://www.cnn.com/videos/opinions/2023/08/10/se-cupp-unfiltered-trump-woke-christianity-evangelical-vpx.cnn

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Arolpin's avatar

When fucking Sippy Cupp is semi-reasonable, the shit has gotten way too weird.

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blueicebank's avatar

Well, he was a long-hair, hung out with prostitutes, tax collectors, fishermen, said pay your taxes, defended children, defended an adulteress, and hated hypocrites. So very woke.

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Trespassers Will's avatar

File this one under "no duh"

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Uncle Milburn's avatar

Jesus was a Capricorn

He ate organic food

He believed in love and peace

And never wore no shoes

-Kirs Kristoferson

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Our_Man_In_Redneckistan's avatar

That new Siena poll found more Republicans think Trump is godlier than the very Catholic DeSantis and not by a small number. They’re really showing their ass.

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Rhand Holm's avatar

Plumber's crack is a chronic condition among MAGAts

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wavicles's avatar

Crack addicts libelz!

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Daniel's avatar

The New Republic and Slate have run articles recently about DeSantis downplaying his Catholicism in his campaign to try and reach out to Evangelicals. It's funny to see what he'll sell out.

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cmd Human Scum's avatar

I saw clip recently where some interviewer asked him about his Catholicism and did he still practice like when younger and he seemed to avoid the question and started talking about how theirs was a Christ-Centered household and about how his kids come home from (apparently private) school talking about stories like Jonah & the Whale. Could have been another Old T bible story but no Jesus and didn't say a word about Catholics.

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Daniel's avatar

Yeah, that's the interview the Slate article made reference to. He's really trying hard to win over Evangelicals, but it's clearly affected.

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cmd Human Scum's avatar

Kind of the Marco Rubio approach. If I remember right, Marco was a Catholic, a Baptist and a Mormon?

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Daniel's avatar

I think DeSantis is syncretist- he's willing to take whichever parts of whatever faith allow him to bully minorities.

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Frank Talk, Action Pundit!'s avatar

OT: Judicial prostitute, Clarence Thomas, has more $ugar daddie$ than a Kappa Alpha Theta...

𝗖𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗧𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗮𝘀 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗹𝘆 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗹𝘂𝘅𝘂𝗿𝘆 𝘃𝗮𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗿𝗶𝗰𝗵 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀: 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁

https://www.businessinsider.com/clarence-thomas-undisclosed-luxury-vacations-cost-millions-scotus-ethics-2023-8

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Sojourner Truth's avatar

I'd call him a skanky ho but it seems like a libel to sex workers.

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Frank Talk, Action Pundit!'s avatar

It would be. They at least work for a living.

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BillEGoatSmile's avatar

I'm in the process of reading this in the Globe.

HO-LEE-SHIT!

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Frank Talk, Action Pundit!'s avatar

Flagrant and shameless misconduct in the most corrupt Supreme Court in U.S. history.

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BillEGoatSmile's avatar

"The speech veered into territory that made many of those in attendance uncomfortable and left others appalled, emails and others messages show. Sokol [one of the wealthy benefactors], who has written extensively about American exceptionalism and the virtues of free enterprise, minimized slavery and systemic racism, some felt. He then criticized President Joe Biden’s student loan forgiveness plan, arguing Biden had overstepped the government’s authority, according to a recording of the speech obtained by ProPublica.

“It’s going to get overturned by the Supreme Court,” Sokol predicted, echoing a common legal commentary.

He was right. This summer, the court struck down Biden’s student loan forgiveness plan. Thomas voted in the majority."

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Frank Talk, Action Pundit!'s avatar

"At least, as long as I own the $urpreme Court, it will."

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Anarchy Pony's avatar

I AM SHOCKED AT THIS DEVELOPMENT!(no, not really)

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Uncle Milburn's avatar

Like, how many PTO days does he have?

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Aug 10, 2023
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cmd Human Scum's avatar

Finally got around to reading this story. Two things I learned that are not central to the story but interesting.

Thomas is a member of this Horatio Alger Society that supposedly gives scholarships but is made of rich self made men. "The organization, named after the 19th-century novelist who popularized rags-to-riches folklore, gives millions in college scholarships each year and also brings together some of the country’s wealthiest, self-made business tycoons for opulent events. (In real life, Alger was a minister on Cape Cod who resigned from his parish after he was credibly accused of molesting boys.)"

The other thing concerned The Floridian, a swanky exclusive golf club owned by Wayne Huezinga, one of the rich guys in the story. Clarence had basically an open invitation to go there. But the fact that made me laugh is that Trump once asked to be a member but Huezinga "spurned" him.

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cmd Human Scum's avatar

The only thing I ever remember hearing about Huizenga was that he owned the Florida (now Miami) Marlins. I also found it interesting that Alger was credibly accused of being a child molester.....but seems generally seen as a bootstrap guy.

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H-Bob's avatar

Plus, in his stories, the protagonists generally became successful by marrying the boss's daughter, like a 19th Century Stan Kroenke!

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Daniel's avatar

OT it doesn't matter how many times I read them, nor how many times I open my notifications in another tab and read them again, that little bell still says I have 34 notifications and I can't make them go away.

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Nalano635's avatar

Sometimes it takes a refresh.

I'm terrible in that I keep running the app and the browser simultaneously so I get a little of both.

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Uncle Milburn's avatar

Those are unsealed notifications.

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Anarchy Pony's avatar

HISTORY'S GREATEST MONSTER!

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imissthosesparks TYFYATTM's avatar

Is that you, Donnie?

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