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Looks Like David Vitter Might Be Sleeping On The Couch Again
Sexy family values funtimes Sen. David Vitter and the Louisiana GOP want you to know SCARY BROWNS aren't just comin' to git ya, Bayou-Americans, THEY'RE ALREADY HERE:
Just yesterday, David Vitter had to notify the Obama Administration that a Syrian refugee who had been living in Baton Rouge has gone missing. What kind of accountability is that? There is an unmonitored Syrian refugee who is walking around freely, and no one knows where he is.
Great balls of fire, there's a Syrian on the loose! Hide under your beds, Louisiana, with the curtains drawn and the lights off, and don't come out until Saturday, to vote for the one guy who will keep you safe, if you make him your next governor:
That’s why we need to get everyone to the polls on Saturday to vote for David Vitter.
In a calm and rational response to announcements in Vitter ads, open letters, skywriting, and interpretative dance that Vitter alone is keeping an eye on national security -- cuz lawd in heaven, Obama ain't doin' it -- some True Patriot decided to do his part to keep America safe by threatening the organization that helped the DANGEROUS SYRIAN ON THE LOOSE settle in Louisiana:
One caller even made several threats while on the phone with Catholic Charities, especially against Syrian refugees. State Police said they are investigating the threats and take them seriously.
Insert your "Who would Jesus threaten?" jokes if you must. But here's the part where it gets OH WOW SO AWKWARD for the Vitter family:
If Vitter wishes to register his profound concerns about the “influx” of Syrian refugees into New Orleans, sending letters to [Mayor Mitch] Landrieu might not be as effective as communicating with his wife, Wendy Vitter. Wendy Vitter is general counsel for the Archdiocese of New Orleans, which oversees Catholic Charities.
Way to go, Diaper Dave! In addition to the permanent humiliation inflicted by him upon his wife, who has made ads for his gubernatorial campaign about how much she loves him and forgives him for his past transgressions (of fucking hookers), now he's made her work life a real mess.
"Sorry your office is getting bombarded by angry calls about aiding and abetting terrorists, honey, but at least it's worth it." Or not because, as you might have guessed, the panic about the DANGEROUS SYRIAN ON THE LOOSE is, like the rest of the nation's panic about terrorists faking like they are refugees, completely unwarranted:
Baton Rouge received one Syrian refugee over the summer, a man Catholic Charities helped for a few days before he left to meet family in another state.
Catholic Charities said Tuesday the man is the only Syrian refugee they have helped recently, and Louisiana State Police confirmed he had left Baton Rouge for Washington, D.C.
Thanks to Vitter's baseless accusations, in a gross attempt to overcome the double-digit lead his Democratic opponent John Bel Edwards currently has over his dumb ass, with an assist by outgoing Gov. Bobby Jindal -- who signed a meaningless "executive order" that says NO TERRORIST REFUGEES IN MY STATE, GRRRR -- Mrs. Vitter's organization has to reassure terrified dumbtwits that it is not helping President Obama import ISIS leaders directly into dumb hicks' backyards.
“This desire that some politicians seem to have to simply complicate issues and try to label entire populations as somehow our enemy has a negative effect on the lives of people who are coming here, escaping those situations,” [Catholic Charities Executive Director David] Aguillard said.
Catholic Charities and Louisiana State Police officials emphasized at a press conference Tuesday that the Syrian refugee did not cause security concerns.
As if "security concerns" was even the point here, duh. Vitter's got an election to lose this Saturday, and he'll try anything -- really, anything, anything at all -- to win. Even screwing over his own wife. Again.