Loser N.C. Gov Pat McCrory Might Get To Sniff Your Junk In Trump Administration

Junk-sniffer

Oh what surprising news we have to share with you, right this moment! Mere hours after loser North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory admitted that yes, that dapper Democrat Roy Cooper beat his butt in the North Carolina gubernatorial race (hooray for a #SafePlace in the South during the Trump administration!), it's been announced that McCrory is leaving on a jet plane to go to New York to see Hamilton Donald Trump, the barely legitimate president-elect of the United States. Wonder why, HMMMMM!

Well, considering how Trump has been picking only the worst, most anti-American, anti-gay, anti-woman, anti-sanity folks for his cabinet, we can only assume that he has decided McCrory would fit right in! Maybe he is making him a special cabinet position, like Secretary Of Peekin' Under The Stall And Seeing What Kinda Man-Heat Or Lady-Heat You're Packin' In Your Down-Theres. Trust us, it'll fit on a business card, and McCrory would likely be proud to carry it.

[wonkbar]<a href="https: //wonkette.substack.com/p/north-carolina-governor-suffering-extreme-case-of-butthurt-please-send-butt-medicine"></a>[/wonkbar]McCrory hates LGBT people, and funny enough, so does Mike Pence, and also too so does Betsy DeVos, Trump's nominee for secretary of Education. Maybe McCrory can get up there and teach them about how awesome it was to pass an insanely hateful anti-LGBT "bathroom bill" in North Carolina, and how it was even MORE awesome howcorporations and celebrities far and wide started boycotting his state on account of the law. (Oh wait, Mike Pence did that too, with an anti-gay "religious freedom" bill, so he knows how badass it is already!)

Don't mind the little fact that McCrory most likely lost his governor's race, in a state that squeaked out a weak little Trump win, on account of that bathroom bill.

We imagine the conversation in Trump Tower might go something like this:

MCCRORY: Hey, Mister Trump, guess what?

TRUMP: What's that, Governor McCrory?

MCCRORY: I bet I know why you like to grab 'em by the pussy, Mister Trump!

TRUMP: Why's that?

MCCRORY:  'Cuz you never know what you're gonna fiiiiiiiiind down there!!!! 

We are just spitballing, but that conversation is probably going to happen.

McClatchy quotes John Lassiter, "a longtime McCrory associate," who says that at age 60, McCrory is still a spritely young man who's probably not "ready to retire and watch sunsets." Not if Trump offers him the opportunity to put on his spectacles and grab a magnifying glass and check out people's panty-junk on a federal level, that's for sure way better than a god-dang sunset!

What we're saying is that Pat McCrory has no skills beyond being a transgender-obsessed perv creep. Of course, Trump hasn't used "skills" or "experience" as a prerequisite for any of his other cabinet appointments, so we guess McCrory could be in the running for secretary of State.

Watch out, world! McCrory might be bringing his diplomatic "expertise" ... TO YOUR JUNK!

[ The Hill / McClatchy ]