Louisiana Republican Dipsh*t In Greenland Plying Children With Cookies
Nothing will ever make these people not total f*cking weirdos.
There’s some stranger danger with a cajun accent, y’all, and it’s been spotted in Greenland. And wearing combat fatigues for some reason.
Yes, Jeff Landry, the imbecile governor of the US’s always-ranked-last state of Louisiana, is Donald Trump’s special envoy for helping him rape and pillage Greenland, and now Landry has shown up there this week for some fucking reason.
Immediately everybody in Greenland was suspicious of the strange ugly weirdo white MAGA fascist who showed up without an invitation, because they are smart.
“I’m here to simply to build relationships and to look and listen and to learn and to see if there are opportunities to expand the relationship between Greenland and the United States and Denmark,” said Landry to the local media. “It’s a great day. I’m excited, I really am.”
How you say fuck you alligatorfucker weirdo fuckin’ creep in Greenlandic?
Landry showed up in Greenland just after Louisiana Republicans got going redrawing their congressional maps to show Louisiana’s Black voters which white men are boss of them (human rectal tumors with last names like “Landry), part of the southern slave states’ last-gasp-of-the-Confederacy effort to enshrine Jim Crow 2.0 into law. We guess Landry was satisfied with the ongoing progress there and felt free to go to Greenland as Donald Trump’s best little helper.
He is there for the “Future Greenland” business conference! (They didn’t invite him, he paid for a ticket, because he is nobody.) He is going to meet with the Greenlandic prime minister!
And he’s trying to bribe the children with cookies?
On Sunday, he walked around Nyuuk, Greenland’s capital city, handing out chocolate doubloons and promising locals unlimited cookies if they ever visit the Governor’s Mansion in Baton Rouge, according to scenes captured by TV cameras.
Here is video of Landry telling a child that if they come to his house in Louisiana he will give them cookies:
Dear Greenlanders: In our country, we have an old saying, and it’s that children should stay at least 1,000 feet away from Republican men at all times, for their own safety.
Just a little cultural exchange for you!
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Landry’s little creepshow around Nyuuk prompted said prime minister, Jens-Frederik Nielsen, to remind him through local media that Greenland is not for sale and is not interested in being taken advantage of or otherwise touched by Landry or his disgusting boss, no matter how many cookies he tries to lure their children away with:
[Nielsen told Landry on Monday] that the Danish protectorate still is not interested in joining the U.S. “no matter how many ‘chocolate cookies’ we get,” according to a Danish television network. […]
“Our position is clear. We have our red lines, and no matter how many “chocolate cookies” we get, we will not change them,” Nielsen said on on TV Avisen 21, a newscast on Danish public broadcasting. […]
“The Greenlandic people are not for sale. Greenlandic self-determination is not something that can be negotiated,” Nielsen was quoted by Danish TV 2 as saying after visiting with Landry.
He also said his meeting with Landry on Monday was a “courtesy meeting.” Which, in Greenlandic, and also in every other human language, means it was a meeting he didn’t want to go to.
All the news reporting about Landry’s attendance at this business event that didn’t invite him in this Danish territory that didn’t invite him is absolutely humiliating for the United States. He brought a surgeon from Baton Rouge to “assess the medical needs,” as if any one of them wants some creepy Republican doctor from Louisiana feeling up under their hoods. (Hey remember that hospital boat Donald Trump was going to send but then Greenland told him to eat their icy asshole?)
According to Landry, President Jeffrey Epstein’s Best Friend sent him specially on this trip:
Landry told DR, a Danish broadcast network, that he spoke Saturday night to Trump, who suggested he “go over there and make a bunch of friends, as many friends as we can.”
Apparently with the children too.
On behalf of all decent Americans, Greenland, we are so, so fucking sorry and embarrassed. Truly.
Ugh.
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Landry visited Nyuuk, birthplace of Curley Stooge
So . . . walk around acting like a pedophile.
Great strategy.