Good morning good morning, it’s time for your tabs!
Here’s Ron Wyden’s full Epstein Report, with the caveat that the Republicans and the Trump Treasury blocked the shit out of his investigation, hmmmm can’t imagine why that might be. (Senate Finance)
Jeanine Pirro tried to make her don’t-can-me case to Trump with evidence that the Reflecting Pool terrorism was shoddy workmanship the whole time? Bold strategy, Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off! (Gift link Wall Street Journal)
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27 Thoughts About 44 Women. Wait, that’s not right. 27 thoughts about the primary and stuff. Brian Beutler is sanguine about Abdul El-Sayed in Michigan. He is NOT sanguine about Francesca Hong in Wisconsin’s gubernatorial race. Why? He doesn’t say! Is it because she hates all holidays? Because honestly I think it’s hilarious. (But I can also see weak-minded people responding to the slur on Motherhood and American Pie.) (Beutler)
I will not be at Friday’s Michigan Democrats Whole Ticket rally from 5 to 7 p.m. in Detroit, because I will instead be headed toward Cleveland for Wonkparty Booze and Fun. But you should totally go! (Michigan Dem rally Sign up)
Wonkparties Booze and Fun! Join us for snacks and drinks on me, or, when noted, potluck! Cleveland, Saturday, Aug. 8, 1-3 p.m., at Boss Dog Brewing Company, 2179 Lee Rd, Cleveland Heights, OH 44118; Pittsburgh, Sunday, Aug. 9, 4-7 p.m., at Warren Bar and Burrow, 245 7th St, Pittsburgh, PA 15222; San Francisco in honor of Fukui, Fri., Aug. 21, Hyatt Regency SF (Embarcadero); Windsor, Mass, potluck! Find your own place to camp or AirBnB near but not at Paul and Holly’s, Labor Day weekend; Atlanta has been postponed.
This woman, Joanna Whaley, who will likely become Michigan’s first trans state House rep, used to be an evangelical pastor, can you even imagine what that must have been like? (Detroit Free Press)
Eleventh Circuit loooves Florida’s drag ban, obviously. They love it so much they want to opposite sex marry it. (Gift link Miami Herald) Here’s a real bad one. Trans and enby couple were gang-stomped for using a public restroom in Louisiana, required hospitalization, got arrested. The parish responded by outlawing trans people using the bathroom. I am so sorry. (Erin in the Morning)
Hmmm, I don’t know why I thought Senate Majority Leader John Thune had a SLIGHTLY, SO TINY bit more backbone than other Republicans senators (why did I think that? That was so weird of me!). Anyway, Thune also says Congressman Max Miller (allegedly!) beating on women and toddlers including Thune’s fellow Republican senator’s daughter and granddaughter is a “family matter” and for all of them to sort out. (Tiedrich)
Well, we all make mistakes sometimes, so it is good journalism to FIX IT when you find that you have accidentally uncritically believed reporting by the New York Post. That’s when you run a story instead on “Actually here’s a lot of 9/11 families who AREN’T crazy bigots and DON’T think Zohran Mamdani will put us all in camps!” CBS News really does seem like it’s still trying despite Bari Weiss tapdancing on journalism’s face like A Clockwork Orange. (Popular Info)
Military families pissed about conditions at sea, like maybe Pete Hegseth should teach them all how to clean their moldy bathrooms instead of how to cut their hair. Anyway, apparently things are gross (and also we’re all out of missiles). (MS Now / Reuters)
DHS is sending bounty hunters to try to collect fines from immigrants who self-deported to their home countries. Trump still shaking these people down like they have student loans. (Wired)
It’s weird and gross but it’s still interesting: How youtubers and influencers pivot to new idiot things people are interested in. And damn, there’s a lot of paperwork for that (still pretty hefty) paycheck! Now all the brands want substackers, apparently. Tell them to send this mommyblog to Amsterdam. (New York mag)
Or Paris. I would accept Paris, to see this river they’ve been liberating from its concrete prison! (Reasons to Be Cheerful)
My daughter loves this song about Les Wexner. It’s a pretty good song!
We are losing about one percent of our subscribers a month AIYEEEE. It would be really helpful if you sent Wonkette to some friends!
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I will never stop using all the different colored texts, I LOVE THEM!
Your hed gif info, with stripes: https://martiniambassador.substack.com/p/baby-okapi-is-okie-dokie
And a meme chat: https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/0b32133d-f3ab-422b-9b24-098109b208f3?utm_source=share
We couldn’t possibly be out of missiles. Not when this was “truthed” last night:
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The U.S. has massive amounts of "munitions," especially of certain types. Additionally, large amounts are being manufactured and shipped to the U.S. as needed. Defense companies are building the largest number of plants and factories in our country's history. The "leakers" of these treasonous statements are being hunted down. Long term jail sentences will be sought!
President DJT
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One question, though… why are we planning on jailing “leakers” if they are not actually leaking real information? Follow up: why are munitions being imported if there is no shortage? And from where? Are these large numbers of plants and factories in the room with us right now?