MAGA Pitches New Idea To Repel Canadian Tourists
'Nice little advance screening system you've got there, it would be a shame if anything happened to it.'
Pete Hoekstra, the US ambassador to Canada, has floated a bold idea to entice Canadian visitors to return to the land of the free in these difficult times, and it’s to make it even scarier for us to consider flying there.
Hoekstra said Washington may need to look at its return on investment with the pre-clearance system in place for generations that allows travelers at eight domestic airports to clear US customs at home. Although he’d no doubt call this fake news right up until the deal is revoked and possibly even afterward.
“I think Canadians like the pre-clearance process, who are saying, uh, Pete, the numbers are down,” he told the audience at a tense Global Business Forum in Banff, held just down the road from a recent G7 Summit his boss chickened out from.
“Matter of fact, the numbers are down. We’re not sure we can make the numbers work anymore. Pre-clearance is something that is done at the expense of the US government. We pay for it. You know, you can’t make the numbers work anymore, you’re all business people. You know what that means. You’ve got to take a look at some of these things.”
Colin Roberston, the moderator and a former diplomat specializing in Canada-US relations, asked if this wouldn’t be like chopping off your nose to spite your face since the kingdom of the north remains by far the country’s biggest source of international visitors even if we’re freaked out by what’s happening to it. And winter is coming.
“Nobody said we’re ending pre-clearance,” he bitched back. “Don’t put words in my mouth.”
Propaganda Pete, a strong contender for the most villainous diplomat since Lethal Weapon 2’s Arjen Rudd, doesn’t like it when people put words in his mouth. Sometimes even when he’s the one putting them there. This is the same guy who, before becoming Trump’s ambassador to the Netherlands during the first round, weirdly claimed at a GOP brainstorming session that Muslims were burning Dutch politicians in their cars and insisted this was “fake news” even after a reporter showed him a clip of him saying it. He eventually apologized under duress but the lack of shame is strong with this one.
The practice of prescreening US-bound passengers in certain foreign lands — which now includes a handful of Caribbean countries, Ireland, and the UAE but at last check not Russia — began in 1894 when border officials set up shop at Canadian seaports. Airports were added in 1952 through an arrangement with Dwight D. Eisenhower, although Republicans might not like Ike much anymore due to the five-star general’s key role in defeating the Nazis in WWII.
The dead president is unexpectedly in the news again after the director of the Eisenhower Library in Kansas was fired shortly after refusing to part with a sword given as thanks by Queen Wilhelmina of the Netherlands that Dear Leader wanted to offer Prince King Charles as a gift when he imposed himself on the UK last month.
It’s admittedly hard to know what to give to a man who has everything, although the trophy Chelsea FC won at the FIFA Club World Cup in July that the convicted felon stole for the Oval Office would’ve surely been more appreciated by the Brits than a knockoff sabre to rattle.
I personally sailed through the presecreening process on my last visit to the US a year ago, and by last I mean most recent but also final until we get a 21st century version of the Nuremberg trials. The fellow tall middle-aged white man behind the counter waved me through with only a cursory glance and without even checking if I’d ever said anything mean about President Biden on social media. Which I actually have, if only something like “oh shit I hope old Joe’s brain kicks into gear” in the opening minutes of the disastrous showdown with Grampa Hitler where I couldn’t help but think of my recently deceased father when we finally had to take his car keys away. But at least I could’ve turned and walked back home if he decided he didn’t like the look of me instead of, say, risk being zip-tied and fed to alligators by ICE for being a radical Left terrorist who likes to make fun of them.
A major league event that would normally entice wealthier Canadians to pony up for airfare is the ongoing playoffs between the New York Yankees and Toronto Blue Jays, who won the series opener yesterday with 10-1 blowout at home. A CBC story with the clickbait headline “Canadians barred from buying tickets for potential Blue Jays games at Yankee Stadium” caused a furious reaction last week but took a full nine paragraphs before mentioning the corporate-owned Jays are doing the exact same thing to Americans.
It seems somehow fitting in 2025 that Canada’s’s only MLB team is facing the damned Yankees instead of the Bosox in the division final as they are a team closely associated with a failed athlete who’s been a fan for decades. Trump not only gave relief pitcher Mariano Rivera the Presidential Medal of Freedom but is on record calling the team’s former owner, the late George Steinbrenner, his best friend, so baseball fans might want to consider the odds his name might show up in the Epstein files too. The two were so close he even stole his catchphrase “you’re fired” like a common spa girl and didn’t even get sued for it.
It’s unimaginable the short-fingered vulgarian never tuned in to catch his good buddy spoofed as a recurring character on what was the hottest show on televison, so we may have actor Jason Alexander to partially blame for our current predicament due to his stint playing the team’s Assistant to the Travelling Secretary on Seinfeld.
George Costanza’s line “it’s not a lie if you believe it” might’ve even caused an epiphany.
[CNN / New York Times / CBC / Yr Wonkette Bluesky Starter Pack]
I am looking forward to tonight's sportsball game, it's on the one streaming service that I have and that makes it extra good. Let's Go BILLS!
DISTRACT ME.
With all the insanity in the world right now, have Wonkers been discussing the surprising news of the week out of the UK?
They have named a new Archbishop of Canterbury!
A LADY PERSON!!!!
The head of the second largest group of Christians in the world, is a woman.
In no small part it sounds because they don't have to worry about her either diddling kids or failing to do something about someone else diddling kids.
She even approves of not hating gay people.
Along with Pope Wokerson, all the Christians are all woke now. How long till Trump declares war on Christianity?!