MAGA Rep. Troy Nehls To Retire, Might Be Replaced By Twin Brother 'Trever'
That's it, that's the joke.
President Donald J. Trump is losing it: his spray tan, his mind (actual AP headline: “Trump says he’ll release MRI results but doesn’t know what part of his body was scanned”), and now a record number of members of the House, it would seem!
Who would have thought that love’s true kiss that broke the spell would come from the lips of Marjorie Taylor Greene?
As Punchbowl News foretold last week, here comes another Republican House departure after hers: Troy Nehls of Texas became the record 42nd House member to announce they won’t be running again, joining Texas Republican Reps. Morgan Luttrell, House budget chair Jodey Arrington, Michael McCaul, Chip Roy, and Wesley Hunt. Also departing, Ashley Hinson of Iowa, Barry Moore of Alabama, Mike Collins and Buddy Carter of Georgia, and Don Bacon of Nebraska. Some are running for higher office, and others are simply over being resigned to the role of Trump’s silenced human autopens.
ICYMI, Punchbowl snitched the gripings of “one particularly exercised senior House Republican”:
This entire White House team has treated ALL members like garbage. ALL. And Mike Johnson has let it happen because he wanted it to happen. That is the sentiment of nearly all — appropriators, authorizers, hawks, doves, rank and file. The arrogance of this White House team is off putting to members who are run roughshod and threatened. They don’t even allow little wins like announcing small grants or even responding from agencies. Not even the high profile, the regular rank and file random members are more upset than ever. Members know they are going into the minority after the midterms.
More explosive early resignations are coming. It’s a tinder box. Morale has never been lower. Mike Johnson will be stripped of his gavel and they will lose the majority before this term is out.
From his exercised lips to God’s ears!
Troy Nehls may be over it, but he has a bright idea! He is endorsing his IDENTICAL TWIN BROTHER Trever (with two e’s) for his old job. What in the Patty Duke Show? Reckon he assumes Texas voters won’t know or mind much that they are two different people, and probably he is right. And those two are aggressively into twinning! Trever also succeeded Troy in his other previous jobs, as a constable for Fort Bend County, and again in 2020 as sheriff there. Before that, they both served in the Army Reserve, too. They’re two, two, two grifts in one!
Troy Nehls is one big dumb goober for Trump. He co-sponsored a bill to re-name Dulles The Donald J. Trump International Airport, and was an ardent supporter of a bill to replace Ben Franklin’s face on the $100 note with the old man’s mug. Not that modest Trump would ever even suggest such a thing. “President Trump isn’t calling members of Congress and saying, ‘Hey, would you go out there and flatter me today by coming up with legislation?’ He doesn’t do that. This is just members taking initiative to show some love and respect to the greatest president in our lifetimes,” he gushed, picking the pubes out of his teeth.
Nehls’s other hits include being accused of stolen valor for wearing a Combat Infantryman Badge, which he was apparently mistakenly awarded and which was then revoked because he was a civil affairs officer, and not an infantryman or Special Forces soldier.
Nevertheless, on January 6 he defended the House chamber from rioters, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with an armed Capitol police officer behind smashed glass, admonishing the screaming crowd, “you ought to be ashamed of yourselves.”
Watch!
And then he trotted right back to Trump’s heel. Just like cowering Elise Stefanik and hot-to-trot haulin’-ass Josh Hawley and so many of their traitor friends! Later he downplayed the violence, in 2002 bitching to Axios about the then-upcoming January 6 hearings:
They’re going to find probably the worst couple minutes they can find on people being assaulted here, law enforcement being assaulted. They’re going to get the sobbing police officer or sobbing Democrat or somebody that said how terrible this was and now they’re suffering from PTSD. ... They’re going to put on a show for the American people.
They’re not seeking the truth. … They’re trying to find a way to keep Donald Trump off the ballot in 2024. That’s all this is about. They’re going to probably show us a few text messages from [former chief of staff Mark] Meadows and some of Trump’s confidantes and how horrible this was, and some communications going back and forth. … This is about destroying Donald Trump. Because they are deathly afraid of him.
And I want you to put that in your article.
Rejecting the evidence from your eyes and ears is the party’s final and most essential command!
Then Nehls protested even more to Tucker Carlson that Capitol Police disguised as construction workers put WIRETAPPS in his UNDERPANTS to destroy him, or something.
FLASHBACK!
How the narrative doth bend! Nehls purred to reporters last November, “If Donald Trump says ‘Jump three feet high and scratch your heads,’ we all jump three feet high and scratch our heads.” Maybe that is PTSD talking.
But why would a Republican want to stay in Congress? House salaries have been frozen since 2009, boo hoo, and now back-bencher and UFO loon Anna Paulina Luna is introducing a discharge petition to force Mike Johnson to hold a vote on banning stock trading in the House, like some kind of Marxist Communist Socialist. The party’s all over if that happens!
And other cracks have formed over US pushing forth a plunderous peace plan for Ukraine seemingly drafted by the Russians themselves. Pennsylvania Republican Rep. Brian Fitzpatrick is threatening to file a discharge petition to force a vote on bipartisan legislation for more Russia sanctions, fuming, “This Russian-drafted propaganda must be rejected and disregarded for the unserious nonsense that it is.”
Hear, hear!
Sure sounds like Trump’s and the Speaker’s influence are slipping a little more every day as Trump’s approval rating scrapes new lows at the bottom of the barrel, womp womp. No wonder MAGA is so desperate for redistricting that Indiana lawmakers are worried that if they vote “no,” MAGA might firebomb their houses. It’s a desperate situation for MAGA: if Republicans lose the House, Trump’s reign of terror will be over, or at least in dire peril. And State Sen. Michael Bohacek is still saying no, because he has a daughter with Down Syndrome, Trump used the ‘R’-slur, and that made him all of a sudden notice that Trump is deplorable. Nevertheless, on Monday Indiana Republicans released a draft redistricting map erasing the state’s two Democratic seats.
Welp, let’s hope all those good old boys and gals keep it peaceful! In the meantime, we’ll whistle the Doublemint theme song with chasers of Patty Duke and the old Certs ad.
[Newsweek / The Hill / The Atlantic archive link]
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"Mike Johnson will be stripped of his gavel"
Somewhere a teenager's phone starts vibrating.
Troy's resigning because he's been hectored.