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Valerie Kravette's avatar

Oh, this fucking moron.

As a child, I got to see the 90% totality or so of the March 1970 eclipse in the DC area with my trusty pinhole projector, and wrote a detailed school report with a long list of future solar eclipses, laboriously copied from our Encyclopedia Brittanica and illustrated with colored pencil drawings. April 8, 2024 seemed like a million miles away, but I'm sure it appeared on the list. Apparently as a seven-year-old, I had a superior scientific education to MTG.

My childhood bestie is stuck in her district, and I will be working this year to get rid of this ignorant, ugly bully.

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Don't dox me bro's avatar

Honestly, why won't she simply do us a favor and just discorporate?

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skinnercitycyclist's avatar

"...and also have somehow cornered the Persian rug market."

Milo Minderbinder seems right for this gig.

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Rick Jacobs's avatar

"... However, God created all these things and uses them to be signs to those of us who believe."

Two thoughts come to mind:

First of all, God must have some mad quantum physics skills to pull that off.

And second, if those signs are for "those of us who believe", maybe he's trying to tell MTG and the other assholes like her, that he is fed up with the way they are acting.

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Marla's avatar

Why is it that God only talks to crazy people?

And the eclipse is a sign from God that the US has been forsaken for turning away from Jesus, but adultery is somehow, OK? What does the Supreme Being have to say about that? After all adultery is right up there, along with murder in the 10 commandments.

Side note: the sound of cicadas just means summer to me. Born and raised on the east coast, I live in LA now and I miss them. Their churring just epitomizes summer. And they’re not locusts. They don’t destroy crops. They emerge, sing to attract a mate, do the bug thang to create the next generation and end up as bird food. The cycle of life.

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Don't dox me bro's avatar

He's a crazy ass hole. Have you not read the old testament? It's holy shit balls crazy

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Mx.le Maerin's Luxury Comedy's avatar

Have you experienced the swarm, tho? I was in southern Ohio for a previous one, and it wasn't nice peaceful summer chirping. It was bugs SCREAMING, thousands of them, continuously all day and night. It was hard to sleep it was so loud. I'm glad I'm not planning to be down there this year.

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Don't dox me bro's avatar

Lived through two infestations while living in north central Ohio way out in the country where they actually had things to feed on so there were literally millions of them. It's not that bad and doesn't last that long

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JCfromNC's avatar

Quote/

The inside of Glenn’s head must look like a drive-in B-movie from the 1950s. Maybe Glenn spent the weekend driving MTG up to Necking Point in his dad’s Oldsmobile, where they were attacked and eaten by a swarm of locusts, leaving behind nothing but MTG’s locket with a picture of Jesus in it, and now a very handsome scientist from a nearby lab and his comely assistant are examining the wrecked Olds and saying things like, “What foul creatures could have done this?!”

/Quote

Ooo, ooo -- It's like that scene from "Damnation Alley" with the mutant cockroaches!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjiOb8WZoEo

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thephantomcheese's avatar

11:06 PM EDT and we're still here... if this was God's revenge, it was really weaksauce.

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skinnercitycyclist's avatar

For sure. Now let's get His lunch money!

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Robert Eckert's avatar

They don't seem to have noticed that the epicenter of the earthquake was Trump's Bedminster golf course

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Don't dox me bro's avatar

Epicenter was ivana's grave because the piles and piles of stolen records that Trump hid in her grave shifted, causing the earthquake

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Tim Weston's avatar

'member the time that guy wouldn't bake a cake for those Mixolydians ?

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Menotsure's avatar

They seem to think that God wrote all of this on post-it notes at the creation and h as been assiduously

working his way to the one that ends it all.

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Phried Ω's avatar

The funny thing about astrophysics and geophysics is that it is just a perfectly normal "day" everywhere except where the notable event occurs.

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Catman's avatar

Ms Greene (and a substantial number of her Republican cohort) seem to have a problem with that pesky 7th Commandment--you know, that one about committing adultery

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Johnny Appleseed's avatar

False Gods? Like Trump?

Adultery?

Steal (elections)?

Covet they neighbor's wife?

Hang ("Kill ) Mike Pence" was a statement they often heard during Jan 6.

And wasn't there a Shalt Not Lie one? Where did that one go?

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un poco loco's avatar

just think — if Moses hadn’t dropped and broken that 3rd tablet (with commandments 11-15 on it) on his way down Mt Sinai, they’d have even more to ignore!

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Johnny Appleseed's avatar

That's true.

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IdRatherBeDancing's avatar

She forgot to add the other phenomenon during the eclipse of Matt Schlapp's ability to look down and see his little penis

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notanncoulter's avatar

I may have to stop reading Wonkette during lunch. Not even the searing hot paneer vindaloo was as painful as the start of this article. (and Damn that was hot!)

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🕊️ ꕷꖹꕷꗍ ♌'s avatar

Hot Paneer Vindaloo is the name of my new wave metal sitar band.

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Sherry's avatar

Side bar: Went downstairs and shared my glasses with all the people who work at the restaurants and shops downstairs and a random woman on the sidewalk. Brought me joy to share this lovely celestial event with my neighbors who are all solid people!

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Khavrinen's avatar

"Buddy, you’re, ahem, involved with Marjorie Taylor Greene, and you still haven’t made the connection as to when all this evil crept into your personal life?"

To be fair, the fact that he's involved with EmptyG is kind of an indicator that he may not be the sharpest crayon in the box.

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