Mary J. Blige Not Too Worried Halftime Show Made One Million (Imaginary) Moms Sad

As well she should not.

Super Bowl halftime shows have long been a thorn in the side of America's most prominent conservative moral scolds. Whether they think it's an Illuminati initiation ritual (God I love it when they think it's an Illuminati initiation ritual), or because they are worried their children will be scarred forever over an errant lady nipple, or because they think it is "sexual anarchy," which for some reason sounds like a bad time to them, the halftime show is always a big problem for them.

In a move that should surprise absolutely no one, the One Million Moms living inside one mom named Monica Cole wrote a letter to the NFL whining that the halftime show this year was not "family friendly" due to its inclusion of "risqué hip movements" and "full view of a couple of females’ backsides."

The letter, which has so far been signed by over 16,000 definitely real people, states:  

Unfortunately, this year’s Super Bowl 56 halftime performance, featuring rappers Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, 50 Cent, Eminem, Kendrick Lamar, and R&B singer Mary J. Blige, was extremely vulgar. The language was inappropriate even though partially bleeped out. But the nearly naked backup dancers were the other part of the performance that made the halftime show anything but family-friendly. The backup performers were shaking their scantily clad rear ends and numerous other body parts as they twerked around the stage.

The choreography included risqué hip movements, which were on full display during the performance. As if that wasn’t enough vulgarity, crotch-grabbing and gyrating all over the stage platform were also included – all while children watched.

The dancers incorporated stripper-like moves, such as spread-leg squats, crotch shots, and a full view of a couple of females’ backsides.

How are children supposed to learn about respect and dignity when this is what they see on one of the world’s biggest stages?

So many other musical artists could have performed and given a much cleaner and more appropriate performance. Many families watch the Super Bowl together. Therefore, the halftime show should be family-friendly. Is it too much to ask for Super Bowl entertainment to be suitable for fans of all ages?

First of all, I don't think people who elected Donald "Grab 'Em By The Pussy" Trump really get to claim they care about what children might learn from pop stars. Second, "family-friendly" is an entirely subjective term. For instance, the One Million Moms and their weird families frequently seem to believe the term includes pretending gay people don't exist. Third, literally nothing anyone was wearing during the halftime show was any more "risqué" than something one might see in a dance recital. Hell, even without a tutu, Mary J. Blige was more covered up than your average Swan Lake cygnet .

That being said, if these people really were watching the Super Bowl with their weird, sheltered families and were deeply offended, there is a thing called the remote control, which they could have easily used to turn off the television or switch it to another channel for 14 minutes.

Anyway! Turns out last week someone actually went and asked Miss Mary J. Blige what she thought of the One Million Moms and their stupid petition. Talking to "Ebro in the Morning," Blige explained that she does not give a damn.

"That’s a small conversation compared to how huge that is. Like, hip-hop is here. It’s more than just a small thing. It’s just as big as rock ‘n’ roll right now. I don’t pay attention to all of that. I’m just paying attention to how we got raised up. Someone looked at us—well, somebody looked at [Dr.] Dre and said, ‘We need you.’ And Dre looked at me and said, ‘I want you.’ And so on and so forth with all his friends. So, I really don’t care about [the backlash]."

Good for her! Frankly, she should take it as a compliment. At this point, musicians ought to be worried if they do a halftime show and Monica Cole doesn't have a heart attack over their leotard.

[ The Grape Juice ]

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