Mean Appeals Court Won't Let Donald Trump Change Constitution, Unfair!
Then again, is the Ninth Circuit even in America? Shouldn't the judges show their papers?
Donald Trump’s dream of eliminating the 14th Amendment’s guarantee of citizenship to all persons born in the United States has hit another roadblock, meaning he can’t just change the Constitution with an executive order, at least not yet. A three-judge panel of the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals ruled yesterday against the Trump administration’s request to let Trump’s Dictatorship on Day One order take effect, probably because the Ninth Circuit is based in San Francisco and every judge on the court is named Pelosi, even the Trump appointees. The city just does that to people.
Trump’s Justice Department had appealed a lower court’s January 23 ruling that punted Trump’s birthright citizenship EO into the sun. Trump argued it would be an “emergency” if he can’t immediately start fucking over babies born to people who are in the country without permission, as well as babies born to anyone here legally, but with any immigration status short of permanent residency.
In that earlier ruling, US District Judge John Coughenour, a Reagan appointee who went woke and Marxist somehow, maybe from living in Seattle, said of Trump’s executive order,
“I’ve been on the bench for over four decades. I can’t remember another case where the question presented was as clear as this one is. […] This is a blatantly unconstitutional order.”
Trump’s DOJ lawyers argued that Coughenour’s ruling, which applied nationwide, was too broad because it got in the way of addressing “the ongoing crisis at the southern border,” and that Trump has to be able to withhold citizenship from newborn babies in order to fight against “significant threats to national security and public safety.” Especially if those babies stubbornly and treasonously refuse to cry in English.
In a simple half page order, the judges unanimously rejected the notion that the Republic would be placed in immediate danger by continuing to handle birthright citizenship exactly the same way we have since 1898, when the Supreme Court ruled that the 14th Amendment doesn’t have any asterisks in its very simple text on the matter:
All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. (Bold added for any Trumpers who can’t read all those words — Dok Zoom]
In denying the “emergency” request, the three judges (all named Pelosi, we told you) unanimously said nah, the DOJ hadn’t met the requirement that they make a “strong showing that they are likely to succeed on the merits of this appeal.”
This is lawspeak for “get out of here with that bullshit.”
Even the one Trump appointee among the three judges, Judge Danielle Pelosi Forrest, said in a six-page concurring opinion that if you’re going to say an appeal is an emergency, then it needs to be an emergency, not just something you really wanna do, and even if a lower court judge has “stymied” a policy you really wanna put in place right away:
That alone is insufficient. It is routine for both executive and legislative policies to be challenged in court, particularly where a new policy is a significant shift from prior understanding and practice.
We never thought we’d find ourselves being impressed by a Trump appointee, but hey, this next bit is pretty darn good:
And just because a district court grants preliminary relief halting a policy advanced by one of the political branches does not in and of itself an emergency make. A controversy, yes. Even an important controversy, yes. An emergency, not necessarily.
And in case you were wondering what makes having a policy blocked an “emergency,” Judge Forrest (Pelosi) explains that the government has to show that not implementing the policy “creates a serious risk of irreparable harm within 21 days.”
And just like I said above, Judge Forrest Pelosi notes that the current conception (haha) of birthright citizenship has been in effect since 1898, so nobody’s going to be hurt by letting it remain in effect while the case moves forward in the courts. Not even if it makes you very mean mad that some number of newborn babies get to be Americans between now and whatever hash the Supreme Court eventually decides to make of the Constitution.
Judge Pelosi Pelosi Pelosi added that she was only ruling on the “emergency” motion, not the merits of the case, but we’re certain that once Subpresident Trump gets around to bloviating about it, that won’t shield her from his wrath. And so far today, Overpresident Musk has been too busy touting his stupid AI gadget and calling for the International Space Station to burn up in Earth’s atmosphere (really!) to mention the ruling.
Trump’s DOJ might appeal the decision to the full Ninth Circuit, but we’re betting that they’ll try to get the case straight to the Supremes, just in case any of the justices there start getting any funny ideas about the silly old Constitution getting in the way of His divine will.
[WaPo (gift link) / NBC News / Ninth Circuit order, with concurrence]
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“ My neighbor who just lost his government job took down his "Trump 2024: Make Liberals Cry Again" sign off of his garage. I had a good chuckle.”
For additional context, the "subject to jurisdiction" part of 14A is there to exclude people that were born in the United States that were part of an military invading force from a foreign nation. For example: If Russia invaded Alaska, and there is a pregnant woman in the Russian invading force, and she gives birth in Alaska, then that baby is Russian, not American, and American law won't recognize that baby as American. This bizarre corner case might have come up during the Mexican-American war, but the amendment was added to the Constitution after that war, but at the time that war would have been in living memory.
It's likely that Trump thought he had a legal basis with this stupid EO because he views typical immigrants as a military invading force. If I was the judge here, I'd ask the Trump regime for evidence that we are being invaded by a foreign military, because it should be something that is very easy to prove.