Meet The Fourth Mrs. Trump, America!
[contextly_sidebar id="MJEnlmaQWoYi7BxCDQli5kYX1xFYk7O6"]Mister Donald J. Trump got a Very Important Endorsement yesterday, and it was from Phyllis Schlafly! He is very proud to have received her endorsement because everyone knows she should be slobbing the Canadian knob of one Senator Ted Cruz, who really getsher and her calls for women to stop doing things like "work" and "vote" and "own property in their name" and "nag their husbands until they accidentallyrun into the door again."
But why would we say Phyllis Schlafly is your new mommy, America, when everyone knows Mister Donald J. Trump trades his women in for the younger and more foreign models? Because Phyllis Schlafly might be a little long in the tooth, but she, unlike certain old First Wives who don't matter,knows what a man wants in A WIFE, and that is "never ever have a headache, dear. OR ELSE."
That's right, we are saying Phyllis Schlafly loves marital rape, and so, once, allegedly, did Donald Trump! And then Donald Trump's lawyer explained that there is no such thing as marital rape, like so:
[Trump lawyer Michael] Cohen added that there is no such thing, legally, as a man raping his wife. “You cannot rape your spouse,” he said. “There’s very clear case law.”
[contextly_sidebar id="hPA6p1hmUkT0wJLCM3ooauyTWpcvvkzf"]Michael Cohen is a very good lawyer, Phyllis Schlafly is a very good wife, and we cannot wait until President Donald J. Trump makes this country strong again, with raping.
Oh what fun we have on weekend Wonkette!