137 Comments

Unfortunately, it seems like all the really juicy Gates stuff got stuck in the Mueller machine because of the Bill Barr-shaped buttplug, so nothing of any value managed to get out the other end.

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uhhhhhh? *turtles back into his shell*

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Well, we all know our little Mikey has a bit of trouble sticking to the truth. I was just thinking yesterday about his public testimony in front of Congress, in which he seemed at times to be quite frank, and at others was clearly walking the line between telling the truth and revealing more than he wanted to, and presumably at others just flat out lying. But he did say this, and I think this was one of those truthful moments https://uploads.disquscdn.c...

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Somebody remind Michael he's Jewish. This is no Santa for him. And all Jews grow up knowing that Hanukkah gifts are always a crappy pair of socks or a boring book written in Hebrew, or something like that.

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Robert Gates comparatively got a substantially lenient sentence with only 45-days worth of weekend jaildom.

See, y'all, Michael Cohen is what happens when you aren't the First Mothefucker At the Table Spilling ALL THE TEA!

If I recall, Mikey was trying to strategically hold back evidence... for reasons... and SDNY didn't find his "cooperation" all that cooperative.

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COUNSEL FOR THE DEFENSE: Michael Cohen has been a good boy.

GOD: Sez who?

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Spot previously occupied by Gary Busey.

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I learned that whole "first one to talk gets the deal" through my obsessive watching and re-watching of Law and Order: SVU. Mikey should have done the same and saved his law school money for a better lawyer.

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The judge should give him a wobbly dreidel and some of that really waxy gelt.

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Also too:

criterion: singularcriteria: pluraladdendum: singularaddenda: plural

Cheers!

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I think the judge is done with his shit, though.

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The majority of my knowledge of the law has been gleaned over many years of watching all the different flavors of Law and Order. Cohen could have saved himself a grip if he watched them as well because he definitely did not help himself at all

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Why would anybody want to work for the world's big asshole, get caught defending/lying, go to jail and expect a pardon that ain't coming. Your thoughts Moscow Mitch.

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Never hurts to have all based covered- Mikey Cohen

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I went to a women's college. I always mess that up.

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Prison rape jokes still not funny.

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