Michael Cohen In The #Resistance Now, He Can Have Pink Pussy Hat?

SAYS WHO?

Fabulous news, everyone, because there's a new leading light in the #Resistance! No, not Taylor Swift. We are talking about Michael Cohen, Donald Trump's former thug fixer "lawyer" dude, who has pleaded guilty to all these crimes and whom the feds and state authorities have dead to rights on ALL THESE CRIMES. He is phone-banking for Beto and he is chairing Indivisible meetings and last we heard, he was checking Rent The Runway to see if they have any couture pink pussy hats that fit his big dumb head.

OK maybe he is not technically doing all those things, but he is a Democrat again, like he used to be (he voted for Obama in 2008), as his lawyer Lanny Davis announced a few days ago on Twitter:

2-Today, @MichaelCohen212 returning to the #Democratic Party another step in his journey that began with the @ABC… https: //t.co/cCHFtn1dfY

— Lanny Davis (@Lanny Davis) 1539285986.0 

YAY! Sign him up for the next march! He has already made signs that say "MIS-TURRRRRR TWUMP IS BAD NOW!"

Cohen followed up this weekend with his own tweet:

The #MidtermElections2018 might be the most important vote in our lifetime. #GetOutAndVote #VoteNovember6th

— Michael Cohen (@Michael Cohen) 1539534737.0 

Guys, he is not fucking around. The things that GUY MICHAEL COHEN WORKED FOR is doing to our country are very dangerous. We cannot let GUY WHO DIRECTED MICHAEL COHEN TO COMMIT CRIMES AND MICHAEL COHEN WAS LIKE "OK BOSS" continue to run roughshod over our institutions and destroy America. Seriously, it's like GUY WHO MICHAEL COHEN USED TO SAY HE WOULD TAKE A BULLET FOR wants to be a dictator or something, and that is not the America we signed up for.

OK, we are being silly, of course. And we're glad to hear Michael Cohen is coming around, and look forward to him voting for all the Democrats, at least until his voting rights are revoked because he is a #felon.

Emily Jane Fox has new reporting at Vanity Fair that tells us a little bit about why maybe Michael Cohen continues to try to separate himself from the terrible horrible man he did so much crime for.

Despite having no formal cooperation agreement with the government, Cohen has willingly assisted and provided information critical to several ongoing investigations, according to two sources familiar with the situation, in a string of meetings that have exceeded more than 50 hours in sum.

That is very many hours! Fox reports that Cohen has been cooperating with all these state and federal investigations, including the SDNY's investigation into Trump campaign finance violations and also Robert Mueller's special investigation into the Trump campaign's NO COLLUSION with Russia. He is being a very good boy for only the purest of reasons, and this has nothing to do with how he's likely going to jail anyway and wants to get to the other side of this situation with the sweetest deal possible.

We have no idea just how much Cohen knows, but we know a few things. Cohen admitted in court that Trump directed him to make illegal payments to women Trump had affairs with. He conspired with Eric Trump, at Daddy's direction, to shut Stormy Daniels up as recently as this year . Oh yeah, and there are all those still uncorroborated reports about how Cohen maybe did some of the Russian deal-makin' that ended up in THE DOSSIER, after Paul Manafort's Russian ties started getting exposed in the press.

Wonder what else we knows! Dunno, guess we'll find out.

Regrets? Michael Cohen has had a few:

Cohen has said to friends that he has regrets about his work on behalf of Trump in his capacity as a Trump Organization employee. "What you see now is a return to who he was before all of this," one longtime friend of his told me. "He's an open book, and he's adamant to make it right."

Yes, we would regret that too. And we would probably also be trying to save our own ass, just like Michael Cohen is right now.

And of course there is the part about how Trump convinced Cohen he was really his BEST BOY, but then after he was "elected," he pissed all over Cohen and didn't invite him to Washington. Cohen did get the consolation prize of being a deputy finance chair of the RNC, but that's fucking lame. So we also understand why Cohen might be having fun doing whatever he can to get the last word here.

Our point is that we are overcome with the strangest empathy for Michael Cohen right now and we happen to be in New York at the moment, so hey Michael, if you want to have drinks with Wonkette and dish, we're down for it. (You're buying, of course.) We promise we've only called you a dumb fucking idiot with a stupid face on the internet ... a handful of times?

C'mon, it'll be fun! We can have a snarling contest!

[ Vanity Fair ]

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