MyPillow Guy Said Prove His Election BS Wrong, He'll Pay You $5 Million. Guess What Happened Next.

MyPil-LOL.

Mike Lindell, who is both the president and also a client of pillows, was just telling us the other day that the real apocalypse will come when the AI gets inside your Roomba, shouts "I have a robotic boner for Benghazi!" and then rolls its own robot ass out the door to go vote for Hillary Clinton on your behalf. At least that is what we think he was saying, he is a very addled man, it is hard to tell.

But we think the real apocalypse will happen when Mike Lindell's firm, Lindell Management, has to pay out $5 million US American PillowBucks to a guy he challenged to prove his election fraud claims wrong in exchange for $5 million. The guy did it. Now a judge says Lindell has to give him $5 million.

APOCALYPSE!

What happened here is pretty simple to explain, and we just explained it in the last paragraph. But more specifically, Mikhail Pillow, CEO and founder of Lindell's Swindles (we may have gotten that entire name and company wrong) came up with a thing in August 2021 at his hilarious janky Cyber Symposium, wherein if somebody was able to Prove Mike Wrong — he said he had data PROVING China had interfered in the 2020 election — specifically they had to prove the info Mike gave had nothing to do with the 2020 election, can anybody PROVE he is wrong? Then oh, please have these here five million dollars.

And, like, um, well, yeah.

And now according to a private arbitration panel, it is time for Mikhail Pillow to PAY UP, to this 63-year-old computer nerd guy Trump voter in Nevada:

The panel said Robert Zeidman, a computer forensics expert and 63-year-old Trump voter from Nevada, was entitled to the $5 million payout.

Zeidman had examined Lindell’s data and concluded that not only did it not prove voter fraud, it also had no connection to the 2020 election. He was the only expert who submitted a claim, arbitration records show.

But not only did Lindell's data not meet any of those requirements, it literally wasn't fucking data .

Zeidman’s lawyers wrote to the panel that the data presented at the symposium contained “no recognizable data in any known data format.”

Oh my God.

Lindell testified at arbitration that he did not share what he had described as his key data to support the foreign intrusion claim during the conference. He held off, he said, after a man seeking a selfie poked him in the side as the symposium was nearing an end — an act that Lindell called an assault and said he took as a signal the government might tamper with his central information if he made it public.

He couldn't share the data because a man poked him.

It had to be arbitrated because surprise, Mike Pillow did not pay the fuck up.

In their 23-page decision , the arbitrators said Zeidman proved that Lindell’s material “unequivocally did not reflect November 2020 election data.” They directed Lindell’s firm to pay Zeidman within 30 days.

Haha.

We don't usually make common cause with Trump voters, but we give that nice man who went to the Cyber Symposium credit for separating the dumbfuck MyPillow guy from his money.

Zeidman’s attorney, Brian Glasser, said the panel’s decision stands as a warning to others who have made wild allegations about election fraud. “I think the arbitrators thought it important that these claims be vetted, because they’ve done great harm to our country,” he said.

Well that's in the news right now, isn't it? As you might have heard, Fox News has to pay Dominion Voting Systems $787.5 million for all the lies it spread about Dominion and voter fraud after the 2020 election. Now, to Fox News, that is the equivalent of not going to Starbucks for a couple days this week. Or saying fuck it and going to Starbucks anyway, but then telling the barista about how you totally shouldn't be doing this, you're just hemorrhaging money right now. They'll probably just write a lot of it off. 

But five million is probably a lot to Mikhail, Tzar of Pillowdom!

Lindell said in a text to The Post: “They made a terribly wrong decision! This will be going to court!”

A copy of contest rules submitted in the arbitration said disputes would be “resolved exclusively by final and binding arbitration” and noted that arbitration “is subject to very limited review by courts.”

Haha.

Five million is a lot, indeed, for a walking clownboner like Mike Lindell, who is just this charlatan with some pillows, some dreams, some hallucinations and DEFINITELY NO CRACK ANYMORE. 

He is also being sued for $1.3 billion by Dominion, and also by a former exec at Dominion, as the Washington Post points out.

Whole lotta money.

Don't fall off the pillow train into a pile of drugs, Mike! It's not worth it!

The end.

[ Washington Post ]

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