Mike Lindell’s Minnesota Gov. Dreams Smothered To Death By Pillow
And other results from last night's primaries!
Well, we guess Donald Trump’s endorsement is pretty worthless these days, if not even a pillow-humping election-smothering crusader like Mike Lindell can get the Republican nomination to lose to Amy Klobuchar for Minnesota governor.
But he still has hope!
OK, Mike. Just remember, if it gets too painful, there’s always drugs.
Anyway, a person named Lisa Demuth beat Lindell by 11 points, and now she will lose to, once again, Amy Klobuchar, who will be a perfectly OK governor. Not exciting, but fine.
Darline Graham is going to a runoff in the Republican Senate primary in South Carolina, because neither Trump’s endorsement nor her brother’s dead body could get her over the finish line on primary night. Maybe she just sucks.
So that’s how things went on the Republican side of last night’s primaries. We are sure there were other Republicans who won things — Sean Duffy’s underage-looking son-in-law or something? — but we can’t tell Republicans apart.
Let’s talk about the Democrats!
Peggy Flanagan won her Senate primary in Minnesota, and it wasn’t even remotely close.
Here she is last night talking about how we don’t just need to abolish ICE, “we need to rip ICE apart.”
And that is what we are fuckin’ talkin’ about!
We’ve been saying that the real argument right now, despite what the Beltway media would love us to believe, isn’t between moderates and centrists or liberals and progressives or the DSA or anything else, but rather between Team Fight vs. Team “Say Big Words While Carrying Water For Fascists And Sometimes Voting For Trump Appointees And Sometimes Even Voting For The Laken Riley Act Even Though Any Fucking Moron Could Grasp That Doing So Is Just Playing Into Republicans’ White Supremacist Nazi Fearmongering About Dark-Skinned Men Violating White Women.”
Well, about that!
This was specifically a race where a major flashpoint was the fact that Flanagan’s opponent Rep. Angie Craig was one of 46 Democrats dumb enough to vote for the fucking Laken Riley Act, and voters would not let her forget it, especially after Donald Trump and Stephen Miller decided to invade and terrorize Minneapolis with their Nazi army.
Flanagan beat Craig by 20 points, even though as Bernie Sanders noted on Twitter, Flanagan was outspent seven-to-one by the millionayahs and billionayahs. She will be running against a Republican named Michele Tafoya — a lunatic — and she plans to kick her ass.
In Connecticut, an establishment guy, 78-year-old Rep. John Larson, lost his primary by 22 to a Kids These Days, 47-year-old Hartford Mayor Luke Bronin. He’s not DSA, though; he’s a progressive, but he worked for Obama.
To illustrate how much things have changed when it comes to the power of incumbency that no longer appears to exist, Bronin had endorsements from the Connecticut Democratic Party and local unions and Pete Buttigieg.
Just fuckin’ out with the old, in with the new, man. That’s what this is.
And now, for the disappointment of the night, if you hate Thanksgiving, because it will remain legal, at least in Wisconsin. All the polls were as wrong as they were in Michigan, and Francesca Hong did not win her race to be the Democratic nominee for governor of Wisconsin. So all the Beltway wankers with their latest think pieces about the UNSTOPPABLE DSA INVAAAAAAAAAAAAAASION!!1!1!!!! will have to do some tweaking this morning. It was a very tight race, but in the end, Milwaukee County Executive Alex Crowley beat UNSTOPPABLE DSA CANDIDAAAAAATE!1!11! Francesca Hong by a hair. He will go up against election denier MAGA loser Rep. Tom Tiffany in November.
This result was unique in that Crowley had actually dropped out of the race, but once a couple other candidates’ campaigns fell apart/ended, he came back in, and with a lot of support, including the endorsement of outgoing Gov. Tony Evers, he won it. Which just proves the old adage that if at first you don’t succeed, winner winner chicken dinner!
(As to the polls, though, poll analyzer Elliott Morris noted in February that “The expected error on the margin between two primary candidates in a race for governor or U.S. Senate is a whopping 13.0 points.” Primaries are very hard to poll. But Jesus, look how insane the polls looked for Hong. Winning by 22, winning by 29. In the end, Crowley beat her by about 0.4 percentage points. So yeah, fuck primary polls.)
The media is, as usual, doing its horserace thing, calling this one a win for the “establishment,” blah blah blah. Gotta be honest, we didn’t follow this race that closely, but all we heard in the past few weeks was that Hong was maybe the weakest of the progressive candidates, it was all doom and gloom from all the experts who definitely know what’s going to happen in November, and of course, we heard about Hong’s old tweets about holidays. (We personally loathe fireworks too, it’s OK.) We had heard that this was a case where Crowley probably was the strongest candidate.
So here we are! He won!
Anyway, we are sure the Beltway losers will still write their loser “DEMOCRATS IN DISARRAY!” pieces, for losers. We’re gonna score everybody who prevailed last night as a win for Team Fight.
Straight on to November!
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The thing about Hong (and no, I didn't really follow this race closely either) is that all of the people I know over here (either American expats or French & Brit people interested in politics) that even lightly follow the state races all knew about her via the controversial things she's said, particularly the Thanksgiving stuff. For better or worse, fair or not, those things stick and I'm sure they remain in the minds of voters. You just know, had she gone through, Republicans would have pounded, pounded on attack ads using soundbites. I can see a lot of that factoring into Crowley's surge by people who want a more "electable" candidate. But I don't get paid to be a fancy pundit, so what the fuck do I know?
"Anyway, a person named Lisa Demuth beat Lindell by 11 points, and now she will lose to, once again, Amy Klobuchar, who will be a perfectly OK governor. Not exciting, but fine."
Let's never assume! People need to make sure they're ready for the big dance this Fall.
I suppose it is a problem that Klobuchar is "Not exciting" because only Democrats are required to be exciting in our fakakta political system. Democrats have to be all things to all voters; Republicans only need excuses to get votes! So let's make sure we get people aware of the stakes here. Any time you get a member of the unreconstructed party in power, they systematically make life worse for people.