Mitt Romney Totally Gonna Run Again In 2016; Wonkette Erections To Never Subside

Will we have Mitt Romney to kick around in 2016 after all? Lately the Romney camp and its allies have been floating so many trial balloons with the conservative media you could attach gondolas and sell tickets for the ride. And we’d buy those tickets, because how much fun would we have watching the Earl of Braintree, His Lord High Hairgel Willington Mittens Forsooth Toothpaste VIII, stumbling his way through a third losing presidential campaign? All of the fun, people. All of it.

His supporters being conservatives, of course they think his weaknesses are actually strengths. Such as this recent feast of derpitude from nasally douche noodle Hugh Hewitt, who contrasts Romney’s financial worth to Hillary Clinton's by saying,

Romney at least admits to having money—something he earned it the old-fashioned way by buying and building companies, not by speculating in cattle futures, book deals, speaking engagements or through the help of unnamed friends and the massively opaque Clinton Foundation.

Wow, was Hewitt in a coma for all of 2012? Romney made his money as a vulture capitalist, buying and hollowing out companies, throwing Americans out of work, and then selling off the carcasses to fatten his wallet. But sure, go ahead and try again to put lipstick on that pig.

Hewitt also seems to think Romney can run on his interest in foreign policy, and that Clinton is tainted by her association with the Obama administration, which has apparently allowed the world to turn into

a cauldron of dangers and challenges. It is a far messier world than even the one Reagan faced upon assuming office in 1981. Obama’s incompetence will have meant eight years, not Carter’s four, to endanger global stability and hollow out America’s military.

Even if we concede this is correct or that the American public agrees with Hewitt – and we don’t – we’re pretty sure Hillary Clinton’s experience as Secretary of State trying to solve some of these problems will beat Mitt Romney’s hanging out in his house in La Jolla yelling at dirty hippies to not smoke pot on “his” beach. That’s just us, we’re not insane.

Meantime, Byron York at the Washington Examiner  has a column up in which unnamed insiders to the Romney camp claim that Mittens is keeping his options open.

Nearly all of Romney's 2012 circle of advisers, finance people, and close aides remains intact. Many developed an extraordinary loyalty to Romney, who, in turn, has kept in close touch with them. Romney talks to some of them quite frequently in conversations that cover daily news, foreign and domestic policy, Hillary Clinton, the Republican field -- everything that might touch on a 2016 campaign. "Virtually the entire advisory group that surrounded Mitt in 2012 are eager for him to run, almost to a man and a woman," says one plugged-in member of Romneyland.

Really? The same people who got him into that flaming trainwreck of a campaign that he lost by five million votes (and got stomped in the Electoral College) want a do-over? Great! No better reason to run for leader of the free world than to satisfy the egos of the dipshits who turned you into a walking joke the last time around!

Because we’re still two years out, everyone’s reading the tea leaves too closely. Ann Romney, when she’s not busy telling all you ladies how much you have disappointed her (God to be a Romney daughter-in-law…), is giving the masses of well-heeled GOP donors reason to hope, like she did during a recent interview with Neil Cavuto on Fox:

CAVUTO: One scenario out there, Mrs. Romney, is that Jeb Bush doesn't run after all, and your husband will size up the landscape and that a lot of his supporters, past and present, said, you have the name recognition, you have the Reagan example of the third time was the charm for him, and that it's been done before.

ROMNEY: Mm-hmm.

CAVUTO: And -- and that would be appealing.

ROMNEY: Well, we will see, won't we, Neil?

Oh Ann, you coy minx! Please tell us you’re already laying in a supply of weird blouses for your inevitable appearance on Good Morning America in two years.

Yr Wonkette looks forward to the GOP debates with Mittens, Ben Carson, Aqua Buddha, Edmonton Ted, and maybe Senor Rubio and Frothy Mix thrown into the pool. Start toughening up your livers now, folks, it’s going to be epic.

[ Politico / Washington Examiner ]