Mitt Romney Won't Be Senator Of Utah After Next Year, But He'll Still Be Senator Of Hot Dogs
Never forget.
Oh hey, did you hear? Mitt Romney announced today he’s not running for a second term as the senator from Utah next year. Imagine what kind of freak will follow him. But whatever. We guess he decided to peace on out of there while he still remembers where his car elevator is.
In honor of the death knell of the political career of Mittens the Quittens, we now rerun a slightly amended version of the blog post “Mitt Romney Like Hot Dog Best. Hamburger Second Best But Hot Dog Best,” first published May 4, 2018, when Mittens was running for his first term. Slightly amended because one of the jokes in the original post makes zero sense now and must have had something to do with the news that day. Also because Wonkette has changed platforms so many times most of the pictures in the original post no longer exist.
BUT HERE’S WHAT’S LEFT:
Mittens Romney is man from Utah-chusetts who is running to be Republican person in Senate. Mittens tell voters about important meat issues, like which meats are trending topics in Mittens Romney's mouth:
“My favorite meat is hot dog, by the way. That is my favorite meat,” he told a gathering of supporters as they joined him recently for a casual dinner organized by his campaign. “My second favorite meat is hamburger. And, everyone says, oh, don’t you prefer steak? It’s like, I know steaks are great, but I like hot dog best, and I like hamburger next best.”
Mittens Romney tell voters meat choice rankings because he is straight shooter not afraid to stand up to President Big Macs and say "Big Macs exist sometimes but hot dogs exist more times in my mouth."
Mittens Romney is not political person who wants to be some kind of politician, and that is why he is running for Senate from Utah, where he lives occasionally:
“I’m not in this race because I have some political career I’m trying to foster. My political career is over,” Romney said recently, in an exchange with voters as he campaigned near Salt Lake City. “A lot of people go back and make politics their career and they want to get as many goodies as they possibly can get. I got all the goodies I possibly want.”
Mittens Romney has many goodies, like especially hot dogs. Nobody has to worry about Mittens Romney being whore for special interests, because Mittens only special interest is these five hot dogs he carries in his pocket all the time, do you want one? No you can't have one, those are for Mittens, get your own.
Mittens Romney does not like fish too much, because is fish food, or is fish the thing normal and well-adjusted wife Egg Romney wears on shirt?
In summary and in conclusion, Mittens Romney For Being Inside Senate 2018! Will there be hot dogs in Senate? Oh yes there will be hot dogs, Mittens Romney will bring them, what do you think, that Mittens Romney is some kind of inhuman robot monster who will not bring hot dogs to Senate? Well let Mittens Romney tell you something and it is
(This post has been canceled until further notice.)
OPEN THREAD.
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I'm making gravy and biscuits for dinner. Going back to my midwest roots. Just waiting for the biscuits to finish baking.
This is all true. I was there when this happened, both times.