Monstrous Monster Michelle Obama Puts White House Pastry Chef In Health Food Jail

Dunderheaded gloryhole enthusiast Patrick Howley continues his crusade to bring the hardest of hard-hitting journalism to Tucker Carlson’s Internet Void with this breathless post about the White House’s pastry chef resigning his position because Michelle Obama is a health-conscious monster:

White House executive pastry chef Bill Yosses is resigning after First Lady Michelle Obama fundamentally changed his job duties to focus on healthier food[…]

Yosses began replacing butter with fruit puree and sugar with honey and agave. But Yosses was never fully committed to the new policy.

“I don’t want to demonize cream, butter, sugar and eggs,” Yosses said, noting that his departure from the White House is a “bittersweet decision.”

Man, Michelle Obama is just the worst. Here Bill Yosses just wanted to make sweet, delectable, artery-hardening, diabetes-inducing sugar bombs that could give an elephant the cholesterol levels of your average wingnut, and the FLOTUS demanded he instead make desserts out of nothing but boiled broccoli and kale. So he’s taking his ball and going home. Right, Daily Caller? We mean, you wouldn't fabricate an obscene lie?

Of course you could then read the New York Times story that Howley links to and find out that Yosses is not exactly flouncing out of the White House kitchen with his nose in the air, sniffing about this horrific crime against dessert:

She (Michelle Obama) has piqued his interest in the relationship between food and health, he said in a recent telephone interview, so the man who made the Hawaiian chocolate-malted ganache for the White House state dinner for France is now headed to New York with an aim to teach children and adults about eating better.[…]

Mr. Yosses has also been inspired by the White House garden, where he has chosen from a cornucopia of strawberries, blueberries, rhubarb, figs, papaya, carrots, sweet potatoes and herbs like lemon thyme flowers, lavender and pineapple sage. Nearby is honey from the White House beehives. The result — oatmeal bars, baked apples and pear-quince cobblers, among many others — will have a lasting impact on his eating habits, as will Mrs. Obama.

“She has done it with humor and good will, without preaching, just the way you would hope the ‘Mom in chief’ would do,” Mr. Yosses said. He called her “definitely an inspiring boss, a combination of spontaneity and seriousness.”

It’s always inspiring to see a perfectly nice little story about a guy who likes his boss and has been inspired by her to explore and expand his craft get run through the wingnut media meat grinder. Patrick Howley, you are truly an inspiration to grifty bullshitters everywhere.

Oh, there is one more reason for Yosses’s departure: his husband lives in New York, and in the 11 years the two have been a couple they have always lived in separate cities. So that’s nice too! The New York Times waits until the 16th paragraph of its story to mention this fact because Yosses’s being openly gay really has no bearing on the story otherwise. Howley of course uses the phrase “openly gay chef” in his second graf because he wants you all to know just how very down he is with the gays, even if they are not quite as fabulous as they used to be because liberals are so awful.

Sorry Pat, but making sure your readers know a pastry chef is openly gay and was hired originally by Laura Bush is not going to draw the gay vote as long as conservatives are also going to keep whining about gays wanting civil rights and whatnot. It’s cute you keep trying, though.

[ Daily Caller / New York Times ]