My Friend Is A Crystal Freak!

Self-helpy AF!

“Heeey maaan, after this HR seminar on proper computer use, wanna get fucked up and cast some runes?” via Wikipedia

Welcome to an advice column by me, Sara Benincasa, a person with opinions. This column will not diagnose anything. Hopefully, reading it will entertain you. Send questions to saratoninnewsletter@gmail.com. If I use your question, I’ll revise it and keep you anonymous.

Dear Sara,

My younger coworker is getting very into crystals, ghosts, tarot and astrology. She’s a lovely woman in her early twenties, with progressive political views and genuine interest in actual science. I expect she’s having a phase. I am allergic to anything involving conspirituality. It doesn't interfere with our work, but it has crept into our other conversations. We are more than just work friends — she’s slowly becoming a lovely part of my social life, which is generally quite refreshing. How do I endure this era of her life without rolling my eyes so hard I pass out? — Crystals Are Just Pretty Rocks

Dear CAJPR,

First of all, tell her that GHOSTBUSTERS (1984) was seen by some as an affirmation of Reagan’s philosophy regarding government and watch her head explode. The Environmental Protection Agency is the big bad guy! (She may have zero interest in this film, but Annie Potts is important!)

Second of all, ask her if she knows where and how her crystals are mined. The answer may be very upsetting!

I am not at all anti-woo-woo stuff, and I am something of a spooky weirdo myself. Taken with a giant grain of salt, this sort of thing — as with all spiritual and religious endeavors — can be wonderfully nurturing and helpful. But you get to set your own boundaries around what subjects you wish to discuss, and if The Woo ain’t one of ‘em, tell her you’re not into it!

I do applaud your instinct to be kind to this lady, and to nurture a cross-generational friendship. As I get older, I find my relationships with folks of various ages to be even more enjoyable. While this method of interpreting life’s events may not be to your liking, I think it is probably fun and helpful for her.

It’s also worth noting anybody can go through this “phase” at any age. It isn’t necessarily tied to being young. We all look for meaning in this life, and we find it in different arenas.

There are a million ways to describe a Blargh Sun with Blorb Rising and Moon in Goofball, but it’s the elements that I choose to focus on that give me an idea of what I need to deal with. If somebody says, “Ooh, Sara, you represent Buttstone in the 4th region of the Delfar dynasty of the planet Ploop,” I tend to ask, “Oh, what does that mean?” And if somebody says, “It means you get stressed out, and you’re tired a lot, but you’ve got a good heart” and I say “I AM TIRED A LOT WHAT THE FUCK?!” does that mean I am suddenly all-in on this philosophy? No. It means I’m tired a lot and need to look at ways to address that.

It’s probably all bullshit, but it has still helped me to figure some shit out. Sometimes pulling tarot cards makes me contemplate certain near-universal symbols and how they relate to my own life and creativity.

I’ve also been scammed by a shitty “psychic” when I was in my early twenties, super-vulnerable and recovering from a pregnancy loss, SOOOOOO I know the dark side of this shit, too. And I understand your aversion to it.

Again, if you really don’t like it, you can tell her, “I really dislike astrology/tarot/etc. and would rather not get into that with you.” When friends tell me they do not like a particular topic, I tend to avoid said particular topic!

Okay now let’s think about Annie Potts and how she has influenced our sexuality forever and ever and ever.