621 Comments
User's avatar
Snarfyguy's avatar

sound effect:

SPROING!

TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

My cat does that. She’s weird.

Menotsure's avatar

Gerenuks that pronk and play

Are truly fun to see

They eat a lot of shoots and leaves

And stretch to reach the trees

And mama is the caring kind

She tends her little herd

I tried to rhyme with gerenuks

But dare not use that word

Kay Ducky's avatar

Given their neck of the woods (Somalia), these creatures would make beautiful but calamitous pirates. I mean, can you see them operating an outboard motor?

Warren's avatar

I can see them boarding a tanker, AK at the ready, and hoisting the Jolly Roger of the Hoof and Horn! (Which I believe was a real pirate flag.)

satch's avatar

Giraffe prototypes.

Suzie Greenburg's avatar

What beauties

Miss Grundy's avatar

Those giraffe gazelles are purty.

Stanta Knows's avatar

The gerenuks mutated into Kaminoans in the Star Wars universe...

https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Kaminoan

tehbaddr's avatar

Giraffe Dear Camels!

tehbaddr's avatar
2hEdited

How did I do Doctor? Am I the best at this test?

Kay Ducky's avatar

Every once in a while, as I am about to pass out the day away, somebody does a fucking thing. Congratulations, you glorious asshole you.

The Wanderer's avatar

"Chewchewchewchewchew . . . "

"Hey, Bert! Whatcha chewing?"

"Same as you. Mm, tasty grass . . . chewchewchewchew . . . "

Martini Glambassador's avatar

Interestingly, gerenuks don’t eat grass at all.

PoDG follows the 92%'s avatar

Not with that attitude.

Tommymo's avatar

Not with that altitude.

The Wanderer's avatar

True, they eat leaves.

Blades of grass are leaves, too, and if there were no leaves I doubt they'd be picky.

(is being difficult today)

Hirightnow's avatar

Eats bushes and leaves.

Warren's avatar

ISWYJD! 🤫😉🤣🤣

Tommymo's avatar

Eats, shoots and leaves

Shocktreatment's avatar

No romance or conversation at all! A bit of bush, then gone...

Kay Ducky's avatar

ISWYDT, kinda hot.

Kay Ducky's avatar

You took the bait. I win. Sucker! /s

Kay Ducky's avatar

Spoiler alert!

Kay Ducky's avatar

Grass, grass, or grass, Nobody hops around freely for free.

Kay Ducky's avatar

Those are beautiful animals. I do hope they survive Mankind and the ongoing Anthropocene Extinction Event. Nothing clever, just sadness.

irish379's avatar

I thought they were Impalas

not the chevy kind

Kay Ducky's avatar

I also read that as "chewy"

I was very confused. Were they overcooked?

Shocktreatment's avatar

Overcooked Impala is notoriously stringy...

Warren's avatar

That’s why Simba eats Impala Tartare

Stanta Knows's avatar

not the chewy kind

Linda1961 aka Pollyanna's avatar

Nom! Nom! Nom!

El Bastardo's avatar

.

.

You fucking bellends!

Why are you crying for me?

Alive, right? Fuck off.

.

.

Fukui Haikui

goCatgo's avatar

First of all, I don't go to Olive Garden cause they treat me like family.

Second, for about 20 years now, I usually give my credit card to a grandkid to pay,

boy or girl, whoever, and they have never been questioned or asked for ID.

He are racist fool and idjiot sputtering lies.

Mavenmaven's avatar

"Watching what’s happening in Argentina now under the Trump douchelord Javier Milei"

It is also a reminder that strongman authoritarianism generally becomes a chronic disease, and one of the sad aftermaths of the Trump ascendancy is that we'll have to be eternally vigilant against recurrences of Trump knock-offs in the future, even when this current regime is removed from power.

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

And deal with the rabble as well. Those dipshits will outlive Orangini and his nazis.

Jens TINGLEFF's avatar

You know, I like Matt Damon a little bit more, after this.

𝘔𝘢𝘵𝘵 𝘋𝘢𝘮𝘰𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘴 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 ‘𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘴’ 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘥𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘖𝘥𝘺𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘺 𝘨𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘖𝘥𝘺𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘸

https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/films/news/matt-damon-the-odyssey-female-stunt-double-devyn-dalton-b3019207.html

Also, cry some more, piggie-boys

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘖𝘥𝘺𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘺 ‘𝘣𝘰𝘺𝘤𝘰𝘵𝘵’ 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘊𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘕𝘰𝘭𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘮’𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘹 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘦

𝘌𝘭𝘰𝘯 𝘔𝘶𝘴𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘬𝘦𝘺𝘣𝘰𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘮 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 – 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘕𝘰𝘭𝘢𝘯’𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩

https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/films/news/odyssey-movie-imax-nolan-cast-b3018782.html

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

Elno's influence outside of his fan club is dwindling. Especially now that his business' balance sheets are public. All of a sudden finance people are realizing he's a shit businessman.

Diane's Less Hostile Username's avatar

I hope they keep boycotting so I don't have to be in a dark room with them.

Mysterysurf's avatar

Is there no 9:00 post-Tabs story up yet? Or is my Substack glitching out? Or am I glitching out?

wobbly's avatar

I think it's going to be an obituary that no one was prepared to write.

TerseNurse's avatar

I'm getting weepy all over again

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

There was a tear in the space-time continuum.

TerseNurse's avatar

eddies in the space-time continuum

Tasner Hasenpfeffer's avatar

They were late yesterday, too.

Maybe they're changing their schedule?

Linoleum von Curmudgeon, Esq.'s avatar

Wouldn't it be sad if some enterprising juvenile delinquent bombarded Olive Garden (and their Abstract Corporate Ownership Controlling Corporation) with social media demands that they DO require picture ID before patrons get to sit down and order anything on the menu? What if that young hooligan signed Steve Scalise's name to every demand? I would weep to read of a threat to introduce a House Bill demanding their compliance unless they cough up a set number of breadsticks jammed into a brown paper bag to be picked up by that same prankster posing as the 'doordash guy'.

Tia Loca's avatar

Primary results are in for the Republican race for governor.

And not surprising Andy Biggs will be facing off against Katie Hobbs.

Pray for us here in Arizona peeps.

Hobbs is strong here and we love her and we’re turning purple nearly blue.

And this is a do or don’t thing either will have Biggs as a governor or will be done with him here as he won’t be a representative anymore if he loses.

(he had to give up his seat to run for Governor)

Tecolote's avatar

I am concerned about election fraud there. Judging on Biggs' face alone would be enough for repub voters to reject him. Recount!

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

Out with the trash! Doesn't Biggs have a bunch of very public scandals?

Tia Loca's avatar
8mEdited

Oh yeah, he had from the start and I can’t even remember what they are now they seem so small in comparison to what’s going on now.

He was deep in the recount scandal, though election fraud that kind of stuff

VaselineHabits's avatar

Everything else seems so small compared to EVERYTHING else. Wonder if that's part of the plan, making certain scandals seem no that big of a deal... like election deniers.

Tia Loca's avatar

That is true it just overwhelmed you so much. Shit the noise Level becomes unsustainable.

El Bastardo's avatar

.

.

First, I was alright.

Then, I’m at the ICU.

Now, I am gone, friends.

.

.

I wrote this haiku for Fukui.

SkeptiKC's avatar

My heart is heavy with grief. I had spoken to Gav on the phone the night before his death. He was worried about me and sought to lift my spirits.

There will never be anyone quite like him here or anywhere else again.

TerseNurse's avatar

Skepti, could I get contact info for you and Paul? you guys dropped off the other week and I was worried, it turned out to be just a bum modem. If you want, I'll put my phone number into the non-comment, and then edit it out later.

My heart is also bigly broken. I kicked some Ameros over to Black Girls Code last night. https://www.wearebgc.org/

El Bastardo's avatar

Sister, you were the 2nd most foul-mouthed person here.

SkeptiKC's avatar

That is a designation I am DAMNED proud of.

El Bastardo's avatar

You have been, reluctantly, promoted.

You deserve the Honors and Decorations.

Tammy Scumbag's avatar

I'll miss him. He was so fun.

I don't have anyone to plot to smother people with pillows with anymore. 😔

SkeptiKC's avatar

We're going to have to get creative, comrade.

Downright weird.

Zonath of Ur's avatar

Please patronize local business. I bet there are at least a few smaller local Italian places that wouldn't kick your six-year-old out (after spitting in their face) for not having ID.

freakishlystrong's avatar

They think they're outsmarting everyone by calling this debacle a "military conflict" so they can skirt congress. I think congress should be a hard "No" on handing any more of our money over. Skirt THAT, fuckwits.

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

That's the only recourse. Shut off the money.

Lucidamente's avatar

All respect to Timothy Snyder, but with that quote he’s approaching tinfoil hat territory.

helenasgarden's avatar

I'm curious about your reasoning.

Lucidamente's avatar

Putin is a lot of things, but I doubt he’s stupid enough to commit an act of war on U.S. soil. I also doubt he’s interested in doing lame-duck Donald Trump a solid. Finally, if he did pull something like that, it would blow up in his and Trump’s faces: the truth would come out faster than it took the algae to cover the Reflecting Pool, and apart from the 30% of MAGA dead enders, there would be no rally-around-the-flag effect as happened after 9/11 (which was a genuine terror attack).

helenasgarden's avatar

"I also doubt he’s interested in doing lame-duck Donald Trump a solid"

That's persuasive. Putin has Trump so he can sit back and let the US implode.

I appreciate your response. Now I will be waiting to see what happens. Thanks very much!

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

I believe Vlad is getting pushed into a corner with fewer and fewer options. I agree I don't think Vlad's stupid enough to do that. But what options does he have left?

Shallow state's avatar

Jesus, I was in France for three weeks and *lost* 9 pounds. Guess I could have hit those croissants a little harder.

FrancescoTheMagnificent's avatar

Not a surprise. Every time I've gone to Italy or France, I've eaten like a king & come home lighter. American food really is bad for you, folks. Full of sketchy additives & high fructose corn crap. EU food regs really do ban that garbage & mandate freshness & healthy preparation. The only way to keep your weight down in the US is to do all your own cooking & watch what you buy. Even so, we'll all probably need the GLPs when we get past a certain age. I'm doing the Zepbound fat shots to get down to @200. Eat healthy.

Daniel's avatar

I lose many more pounds than that every time I'm in London.

Shallow state's avatar

Yeah, but that's England.

Daniel's avatar

Where the currency is...

helenasgarden's avatar

Cream cakes and fish and chips and trifle. I ate my weight in them and lost a few pounds because we were walking out and about all day every day.

SkeptiKC's avatar

I patronized an Olive Garden ONCE where I was served THE worst pasta I ever endeavored to consume. The pasta was chewy and undercooked while the "sauce" was a sorry simulation of something that might've been tasty if prepared by someone who knew what in the hell they were doing.

JustPixelz's avatar

Probably ten years ago for me. Mrs Pixelz had a craving.

I don't like chain restaurants in the first place. Except when I'm traveling. Then I want a known entity; not try-it-and-see in a city I'll never be in again.

helenasgarden's avatar

A couple of decades ago I did love their salad and dressing. Delish!

TerseNurse's avatar

I haven't been to one in well over a quarter century. There actually is one in Poughkeepsie, not too far from me, and I had contemplated taking my son there, in sort of a warped and twisted nostalgic way. As least our passports are all in order, and I have Real ID.

freakishlystrong's avatar

That shit arrives frozen in bags and they microwave it. You're never going to get pasta right in a microwave.

SkeptiKC's avatar

That is a food felony for fuck's sake.

Being released's avatar

The last time I went to Olive Garden was 18 years ago when my wife was very pregnant and she heard eggplant parm can induce labor and we didn't actually believe it but what are you going to do. It didn't work.

Monsieur Grumpe's avatar

Kegs appears to getting greasier.

freakishlystrong's avatar

And "tanner." He needs to powder with all that bronzer. Didn't he learn anything as the weekend morning host at Fox?