Nancy Pelosi Calls Moscow Mitch By His Name

Addison Mitchelovich McConnelov!

Oh no, everyone! Remember how Moscow Mitch McConnell really hates being called Moscow Mitch? He really hates it.

(TBH, he probably prefers Addison Mitchelovich McConnelov, as it is more formal and genteel for a Russo-Kentuckian gentleman such as himself. Considering how the benefits of his actions as the Senate Majority Leader redound mostly to the Kremlin and the puppet it installed in the White House in 2016, and never ever to the people of Kentucky or the American people at large, we must assume that deep inside his rotting heart, he is OK with the "Moscow" part.)

Anyway, POINT BEING, Nancy Pelosi went and said a naughty and called Moscow Mitch the name! And John Cornyn is MAD:

Way to elevate the dialogue. #shameless https: //t.co/mUhCnTTLSx

— Senator John Cornyn (@Senator John Cornyn) 1565804888.0 

Awwwww, FUCK OFF, JOHN CORNYN, AND WHILE YOU'RE DOWN THERE, EAT SOME OF THESE HERE DICKS.

What Pelosi said was completely on-topic. It's not like she was calling him naughty names for no reason, and she also didn't follow up with other mean names for Republican senators, like Russian Rand or Old "Jerks-Off-Into-Soup-Cans" Cruz ( ALLEGEDLY! ) or something equally mean for John Cornyn, not sure what it would be, but probably not a gross pun about how he's got a lot of CORNYN his poo. (ALLEGEDLY!) Speaker Pelosi is far more mature than Wonkette, after all.

Pelosi was talking about the behavior that earned McConnell his name (Moscow Mitch), namely the way he blocks any and all meaningful and good legislation passed by the House from coming to the Senate floor. He particularly blocks election security legislation, because obviously free and fair elections are antithetical to his Republican way of life.

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Speaking at a Democratic event in Springfield, Pelosi (D-Calif.) recounted a series of bills passed by the House, including measures raising the minimum wage, reforming elections and expanding health care.

"We sent our legislation to the Senate," Pelosi said. "Moscow Mitch says that he is the 'grim reaper.' Imagine describing yourself as the 'grim reaper,' that he's going to bury all this legislation."

He DOES say that. But we don't call him the "Grim Reaper," mostly because we've always imagined that somebody as powerful as the Grim Reaper wouldn't look like a socially awkward dumbfucking constipated turtle. We call him "Moscow Mitch." And John Cornyn hates that! And Moscow Mitch hates that!

So, besides protecting Russia's sacred role in making sure white supremacist Republicans have an outsized role in our electoral politics, what other kinds of bills was Pelosi talking about, that Moscow Mitch is burying in the backyard like a common turtle-shaped dachshund the Grim Reaper found at a shelter for yappy hellhounds who've been abandoned by their original demon owners because they are very bad dogs? Oh nothing, just for instance:

During her remarks at the event sponsored by the Illinois Democratic County Chairs' Association, Pelosi also urged the Senate to pass a pair of bills approved by the House in February designed to strengthen background checks for gun buyers.

"We've been waiting since February, and now public sentiment must weigh in to save lives," Pelosi said.

Moscow Mitch has said he'd be open to doing some sensible gun legislation after he gets back from lying on his fat ass for the duration of the month of August, but we'll believe it when we see it. The GOP has a way of waiting for just the right moment to bury promises of gun control legislation, once all the thoughts and prayers have gone out, but before the "too soon" statute of limitations for any particular American gun terrorist massacre has expired.

If this time is anything like last time, Moscow Mitch will go somewhere with a camera and a microphone and he will whine and cry and bitch about mean Nancy Pelosi calling him by his real name. Maybe he will go on Twitter like he did last time!

Modern-day McCarthyism is poison for American democracy. It is shameful to imply that policy disagreements make the… https: //t.co/E7QSPyb8n8

— Leader McConnell (@Leader McConnell) 1564434873.0 

Whatever happens, though, you should DEFINITELY not help keep #MoscowMitch trending on Twitter, because did we mention he hates it? He really hates it. So don't do that!

You know, unless you want to.

[ Washington Post ]

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