Neil Cavuto Can't Get Sportsball Man To Agree That Michelle Obama's A Big Failure
It was a classic Battle of the Agendas on Fox News Monday, as Seattle Seahawks star Russell Wilson, promoting a United Way summer program to feed poor kids while school is out, went up against anchormuppet Neil Cavuto, who tried, unsuccessfully, to get the sportsball man to slag on Michelle Obama and her communist socialist Muslim Nazi efforts to encourage healthy eating. And just like the skilled quarter-of-the-back that he is, Wilson adroitly avoided the sack.
Cavuto set up the interview by reminding viewers that nobody anywhere likes the terrible nutritious meals that Michelle Obama is personally cooking for schoolchildren, noting that a Kentucky school district has opted out of new federal guidelines since "kids just wouldn't eat the healthy meals no matter what Michelle Obama said." Over video of Wilson, Cavuto mused, "Maybe they need this guy to beat a little bit of eating sense into them, because Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson doesn't seem to have any trouble getting kids to eat right." We suppose the United Way program that Wilson was there to talk about has an advantage, in that it's aimed specifically at kids who don't have food.
Wilson launched into his talking points about food insecurity, pointing out that "One out of five kids is looking for something to eat every day," and promoting the summer meals program, but Cavuto wasn't going to go with that "hunger" nonsense -- the real problem, he insisted, is that Michelle Obama must be Doing It Wrong:
Well, Russell, what are we doing wrong then as a nation though with this urging them to eat healthy or set up these school lunch programs where they're urged to eat healthy. I mean, Michelle Obama's trying. Many argue that she's getting to be too much of a food police mommy. Be that as it may, whatever she's doing isn't working and I'm wondering what you're doing that is working. What's the difference?
Wilson very rudely refused to play along, darn him, despite the Fox chyron clearly saying that the United Way/NFL program was aimed at fighting "childhood obesity." Instead, he smiled and said he thought Michelle was swell, and tried to turn the question back to hunger:
Well, the first lady, I have so much respect for her. I was able to meet her and the President, obviously, you know when we went to the Super Bowl, we won the Super Bowl and got to go to the White House. You know, I think at the end of the day, you know the kids, it's tough to eat healthy. You know, I remember when I was a little kid I was always struggling trying to eat healthy.
Cavuto, ever the comic master, figured that at least he could make a funny joke about how he never missed a meal as a child, so what's wrong with these skinny urbans, that won't eat their anusburgers, anyway? "Really? That was never my problem, Russell. I guess you have some issues." Nice save, Neil!
One morning, when Neil Cavuto woke from troubled dreams, he found himself as usual, in his bed, still a horrible vermin. He lay on his butter-like back, and if he lifted his head a little he could see his white belly, slightly domed and divided by lumps into jiggly sections. The bedding was hardly able to cover it and seemed ready to slide off any moment. His pale legs, pitifully thin compared with the size of the rest of him, waved about helplessly as he looked.
Is Cavuto an innie or an outie pork rectum?