Neil Gorsuch Confirmed To SCOTUS By Vote Of 'Fuck You' To 'Merrick Garland'

Or for however many decades he's there.

Well, well, well, looks like Neil Gorsuch officially gets to sit in Antonin Scalia's fart-stained seat on the Supreme Court. After human turtle-head Mitch McConnell blew up the Senate rules Thursday, because it's just not faaaaaaair for the Senate to have to abide by Senate rules when a Republican president's SCOTUS nominee is under consideration, it was only a matter of hours before they convened for their final vote, which was 54-45, with Democrats Heidi Heitkamp, Joe Manchin and Joe Donnelly crossing the line to say they're scared they'll lose in 2018 if they don't do what the Republicans say. Three cheers for the vulnerable Democratic senators up for re-election in 2018 who decided it was OK to grow a pair of balls and vote "No."

Here's what the organizers of the Women's March think about that:

UH OH!

Anyway, it's been a long journey to getting this seat filled. It started when a rogue pillow murdered Antonin Scalia's face to death in Texas, at which point illegitimate Democrat president Barry Soetoro Nobummer nominated a man named Merrick Garland to fill Scalia's Supreme Court seat, apparently under the impression Democrat presidents are allowed to do that. So Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell made sure Garland would never get a vote, because of the rule he made up about No Supreme Court Nominations Near The End Of Democrat Presidencies.

If Hillary Clinton had won the Electoral College, she would have made a nomination, and McConnell would have stalled for four more years, due to the rule he just made up about No Supreme Court Nominations For Chicks Named Hillary, but instead Trump squeaked out a win, and therefore it was time to blow up Senate rules to get his guy in there, and any Democrats who don't like that are APPALLING and WELL I NEVER.

So now, we have a dude on the court who thinks Hobby Lobby shouldn't be required to give ladies slut pill insurance because Jesus, and truckers should lose their jobs if they're not willing to freeze to actual literal death, and companies should be free to fuck their employers over when they're being lazy and refusing to come to work, just because they have a wee spot of leukemia. 

Great job, Senate Republicans. Our only hope is that in 20 years, we will be hearing the GOP bellyache about how Neil Gorsuch turned all gay and liberal like David Souter did after Poppy Bush stucked him on the court. Somehow, though, we think Neil Gorsuch sucks Dead Scalia's dusty balls and he won't do that.

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[ NPR ]