New Hampshire Republicans Want To Ban Abortion From Moment Barry White Album Begins

No, guys, there's no such thing as a '15-DAY pregnancy.'

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Four Republicans in the New Hampshire Legislature, in what may be an attempt to ban abortion earlier in pregnancy than any other state, have prefiled a bill for the 2024 legislative session that would prohibit abortion from “15 days” of gestational age, a point where, in medical terms, pregnancy may not even have actually begun. NBC News explains this new frontier in GOP biology:

Gestational age is calculated from the first day of the woman’s period; at 15 days gestational age, a fertilized egg — if it exists yet — has most likely not implanted in the uterine wall. Implantation is the point when pregnancy begins, according to the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology.

Doctors often estimate that women ovulate around two weeks after their period begins — at about 14 days gestational age — and fertilization is thought to occur shortly afterward, though these times vary.

Is there some reason that Republicans would define a nonsense “gestational age” standard rather than just outright banning abortion altogether? Beats us, maybe they wanted to sound more sciencey.

Oh, wait, we see what’s going on! The lazy sumbitches just took the text of New Hampshire’s current abortion law, which bans abortion after 24 weeks, and replaced “24 weeks” with “15 days” so they wouldn’t have to be bothered drafting any new text. Since it’s a copy of the existing 24-week ban, the new version would retain existing limited exceptions to protect the life and health of the pregnant patient, and for fatal fetal abnormalities. The bill requires an ultrasound, which of course would be useless 15 days after a period.

We also learn that

State Rep. John Sellers, a Republican co-sponsor of the bill, said he wasn't sure why the bill's author had targeted 15 days, but said he would support any restriction on abortion.

"I believe life begins at conception," he said.

As anyone knows, babies have immortal souls and qualify for NRA membership from the moment of fertilization, possibly sooner.

Gov. Chris Sununu (R) signed the current 24-week ban into law, but NBC News reports that Sununu calls himself “pro choice” and has promised to make sure access to abortion remains available. Planned Parenthood isn’t so sure that anyone can sign an abortion ban into law and be “pro-choice,” but that just shows how radical that group is. Sununu doesn’t appear to have taken a position on the ban on pre-pregnancy abortions.

As of yet, New Hampshire Republicans have not proposed that state residents be prosecuted for preabortion if they use contraception or otherwise let perfectly good sperms and ova go to waste, but why wouldn’t they?

[NBC News / House Bill 1248-FN New Hampshire (2024)]

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