Newsmax Host: Trump’s Big Balls Are Bouncing The Stock Market
All hail dear leader, everything he does is perfect and beautiful!
So, the stock market’s been sliding like bacon grease on a hot griddle. On Monday and Tuesday all three major indices had their worst days since August, and fears of a looming recession are already here. And only 50 days into Dear Leader’s reign! Economic-growth numbers at the Atlanta Fed are showing signs of shrinkage, JPMorgan and Goldman Sachs have upped their odds of a recession, and Morgan Stanley has lowered its growth forecasts and is predicting inflation will go up.
But conservatives and Trump know what’s really going on here: Nothing! Nothing is happening. Buuuut if something is, whatever it is is great. And also doesn’t matter. Probably the market just has an “animal spirit.” OR, if the economy is looking bad then Joe Biden time-traveled to wreck it. Also it’s America’s own fault for being addicted to money. You’re welcome! No recession! No recession! You’re the recession!
Save this clip of Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick saying a recession is not going to happen to cherish in a few months from now. Sure hope he’s right!
When Trump was running for president, he, of course, would not shut up about how if Kamala Harris got elected the markets would tank and send us into “1929,” a point he incessantly TruthSocialed and moaned gazillions of times. Anderson Cooper has helpfully made a montage!
And when the stock market was this low last August, Poppy pounded out:
STOCK MARKETS ARE CRASHING, JOBS NUMBERS ARE TERRIBLE, WE ARE HEADING TO WORLD WAR III, AND WE HAVE TWO OF THE MOST INCOMPETENT “LEADERS” IN HISTORY. THIS IS NOT GOOD!!!
And now here we are in March, and the economy is already so dodgy that Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent went on CNBC Friday to warn everybody we are all going to get an “economic detox”: “The market and the economy have become hooked, become addicted, to excessive government spending, and there’s going to be a detox period.” Doesn’t that sound fun, a new meaning to the term “the DT’s”? Maybe we can shit ourselves thin like some kind of colon cleanse too!
Then Trump made things even worse on Sunday, reiterating to Maria Bartiromo’s disheveled wig: “There is a period of transition because what we’re doing is very big. What I have to do is build a strong country. You can’t really watch the stock market.” Finally, he conceded, “look, we’re going to have disruption, but we’re OK with that.”
Later that day he dodged the recession-question some more on the plane, emphasizing that the important thing is he is putting all of his overpriced eggs in a tariff basket. “Tariffs are going to be the greatest thing we’ve ever done as a country. It’s going to make our country rich again.” And so when it opened Monday, the stock market was pooping its knickers.
And Old Treasonballs has done about any- and everything a president could do to make markets crash, with his chaotic tariff hokey-pokey, weakening the dollar, and laying off thousands of federal employees. Maybe this is really all on purpose so his billionaire pals can snap up stocks and properties? (That’s what Rebecca insists, and she is sometimes right!) Maybe Putin was whispering in his ear that America’s economy getting tanked would go nicely with all of the other chaos, maybe he is just a stupid, petty man who learned nothing from bankrupting six companies and thinks that America will sprout robot-staffed iPhone factories overnight? Who can say?
White House spokeswoman Karoline Leavitt sure doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about when it comes to tariffs, and assumes nobody else does either. At a press briefing Tuesday she explained to the idiot reporters she loathes with every fiber of her being, Trump is “actually not implementing tax hikes. Tariffs are a tax hike on foreign countries that again have been ripping us off. Tariffs are a tax cut for the American people.”
Watch her pancake patina get extra >:( when an Associated Press reporter points out that no, foreign countries actually don’t pay tariffs, importers do, and a tax cut, WTF are you even talking about?
“Ultimately when we have fair and balanced trade, which the American people have not seen in decades, as I said at the beginning, revenues will stay here, wages will go up and our country will be made wealthy again. And I think it's insulting that you are trying to test my knowledge of economics and the decisions that this president has made, I now regret giving a question to the Associated Press.”
Oh okay, ULTIMATELY. Who, exactly, does this angry, snotty woman thinks pays her salary? Russian taxpayers? And what kind of timeline is this “ultimately”?
Anyway, maybe what we are all missing is that Trump simply has huge balls and an even bigger imagination, and is whipping up all the chaos to help the little guy. That’s what Newsmax host Rob Schmitt thinks, anyway! He Tweeted:
Schmitt expanded on this on his show: “Perhaps stocks need to take a nosedive so the working man can get a little relief from all of this inflation. […]”
“Right now, Trump is attempting to reimagine our entire economy because it's not working too well when you really think about it. If this plan works, labor in this country will cost more as workers see better pay, less outsourcing, and fewer illegals plunging the pay scale. Deportations could also bring relief on home prices as well. Less demand for housing means the price of housing goes down. All of these that I just listed off are bad things for Wall Street. Every single one of them is bad for Wall Street, but they are great for Main Street.”
Joe Biden saw 50-year highs in employment, real wages rise, and economic inequality decrease for the first time in decades, and everybody got mad that people had more money to spend, and hence inflation.
Or MAYBE it is all just the spirit animals that haunt the stock market, have you ever thought of that? That’s what a Trump official off-the-record told CNBC. The stock market is just feeling really emotional right now, you guys.
“We’re seeing a strong divergence between animal spirits of the stock market and what we’re actually seeing unfold from businesses and business leaders. The latter is obviously more meaningful than the former on what’s in store for the economy in the medium to long term.”
Yes, the business leaders, very happy! We can’t tell you their names, and you can’t call them because they don’t have a phone, but they are very very happy. Never mind the dozens of business people who the pinko rag Wall Street Journal reports have been calling the White House in a panic, begging Trump to clarify where his ever-changing tariff moods will take everybody next.
But that’s between him and those balls! Everyone else will just have to wait and see. Doing an infomercial for Teslas on the White House lawn for the guy who donated $250 million to him, he reiterated that he doesn’t care.
Some people will make a lot of money, and the economy is fake anyway. Government jobs aren’t real. Not any more, anyway!
[WSJ gift link: “Consumers Keep Bailing Out the Economy. Now They Might Be Maxed Out.” / WSJ gift link: “Trump’s Economic Messaging Is Spooking Some of His Own Advisers” Media Matters]
All this rich-guy plundering of OUR collective treasury makes me feel like investment in guillotine futures is going to pay big dividends.
We’re seeing a strong divergence between animal spirits of Baalham the jaguar god of the underworld and what is the manifestation of the unfolding of the twin energies from Xbalanque and Hunahpu The latter is obviously more potent than the former as evidenced by the impregnation of Blood Moon with the spittle from his decapitated head. All priase Kukulkan, the wise and mighty!