20 Comments
User's avatar
102415's avatar

Remember what put Newt on the front page all those years ago? The terrible *scandal* of Congressional *check kiting*. Months later it turned out he had a few checks covered himself. This is payback for that and all the rest of his bullshit over the years. Why doesn't Larry Craig try for a run next?

Expand full comment
Rarian Rakista's avatar

They use them as fuel to fake orgasms.

The worst neighbors I ever had were a 50 year old guy who had run away from his wife and kids, when he was giving his new girlfriend the business they sounded like rutting hippos. When she was fucking her other lays who came by during the day, she did not make a sound.

Expand full comment
Rarian Rakista's avatar

You need to higher a better dungeon master, heard the CIA has had a few recently retire.

Expand full comment
𝔅𝔢𝔢𝔩𝔷𝔢𝔟𝔲𝔟𝔟𝔞's avatar

Hey, your corpse ain't gonna screw itself.

Expand full comment
𝔅𝔢𝔢𝔩𝔷𝔢𝔟𝔲𝔟𝔟𝔞's avatar

Engraving on the ring: "To whom it may concern"

Expand full comment
TundraGrifter's avatar

No ice - No dice.

Expand full comment
Spurning Beer's avatar

Wait. Your husband has a casino? Is your married name Ensign?

Expand full comment
Mahousu's avatar

While we're on the subject of Newt, it should be mentioned that those stories of him serving divorce papers on his first wife while she was lying in a hospital bed after cancer surgery are <i>totally</i> false.

New evidence shows she was <i>clearly</i> sitting up at the time.

Expand full comment
BarackMyWorld's avatar

This is truly the weakest Republican presidential field since 1996. And before that, since the 1940s.

Expand full comment
102415's avatar

Well, it was so cute I wanted one myself but I'm getting a copy of the IUD wedding hat instead.

Expand full comment
102415's avatar

I want to see the receipts.

Expand full comment
fuflans's avatar

well it's depressing b/c i would like diamonds.

without having to give newt a blow job.

Expand full comment
102415's avatar

That is not much money IMHO to spend at Tiffany.

Expand full comment
102415's avatar

Would't that be the Pubic Option in this case? If so I'm for it.

Expand full comment
fuflans's avatar

so what, callista is chevy cobalt?

also: what a self serving prick.

Expand full comment