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Next Time, Pam Karlan, Just Make Fun Of Donald Trump Jr.'s Face
Feel free to be as cruel as you'd like!
The GOP was having a bad day in the impeachment of Donald Trump, just like all their other days in the impeachment of Donald Trump. Three brilliant law professors were sitting before Congress and giving chapter and verse explanations, in simple and illuminating terms, for why Trump is a criminal president who should be removed from office. Also Jonathan Turley was there.
Trump idiots needed something -- anything -- to distract themselves and their base from what was happening. This boring academic hearing was actually not boring! People were watching it!
And then Stanford law professor Pamela Karlan accidentally gave it to them, when she committed the cardinal sin of saying Barron Trump's name out loud, acknowledging the president's son with a harmless joke that wasn't even about the president's son. He wasn't the butt of the joke, it was just a silly play on words. Hey, at least somebody said Barron's name out loud this week, because we doubt his shitty-ass parents did.
To be clear, the joke was about Trump trying to act like an American king, and it was that while he may be allowed to name his son "Barron," he cannot literally make his son a baron. YA BURNT! HOW YOU GONNA GET A DATE TO THE MIDDLE SCHOOL DANCE NOW, YOUR DAD CAN'T EVEN LITERALLY MAKE YOU A BARON! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOOL #BULLYING #THATSNOTBEBEST
That was the joke.
Impeachment witness/constitutional scholar on one of the differences between Trump and a king: "The Constitution sa… https://t.co/ensTKtmdzT
— TPM Livewire (@TPM Livewire) 1575494046.0
Needless to say, this was the hook that lying fake outrage idiots on the right needed. "The mean witness is making fun of the children! The children used to be off-limits! wHeRe'S tEh cIviLitY!!1!!!!!!!!!"
Now tell us how terrible this is, White House something-or-other Stephanie Grisham:
Classless move by a Democratic “witness”. Prof Karlan uses a teenage boy who has nothing to do with this joke of a… https: //t.co/tu5iwRnE7w
— Kayleigh McEnany 45 Archived (@Kayleigh McEnany 45 Archived) 1575490338.0
OMG! Scoff scoff! People in the room LAUGHED!
Trust us, we're pretty sure Barron's fine, as long as he doesn't get in a car with Stephanie Grisham anytime soon.
Stand up for your beloved child, Moira, we mean Melania:
A minor child deserves privacy and should be kept out of politics. Pamela Karlan, you should be ashamed of your ver… https: //t.co/7BTbAKdWW4
— Melania Trump 45 Archived (@Melania Trump 45 Archived) 1575496228.0
Uh huh OK #BeBest.
Stick up for your little brother, Don Jr., in the face of such mindless cruelty that suggests your orange father cannot literally turn him into a baron:
Remember only children of Liberals (even the 50 year old children) are off limits. That a 13 year old is fair game… https: //t.co/HtH5qeKxSl
— Donald Trump Jr. (@Donald Trump Jr.) 1575498652.0
PRO TIP FOR PAM KARLAN: Next time, just make a joke about Don Jr.'s extremely weird and poorly put together face. Feel free to make it extremely cruel. Like, for example, if you were making the point about Donald Trump trying to destroy the presidency and replace it with a shithole monarchy, you could say, "Donald Trump Jr. might look like the genetic result of decades of royal inbreeding, but that doesn't mean his dad is literally the king."
For handy reference, this is what Junior's face looks like:
Isn't that distressing?
Donald Trump hasn't said that much about it, that we've seen, besides retweeting Melania. We're sure he and Barron had a real nice father-son talk last night about how there are cruel people in the world who will say things like "your dad can't literally make you a baron," haha just kidding, that would suggest Donald Trump talked to his child, and we're not ready to embrace such tinfoil hat conspiracy theories.
Trump campaign spokesperson idiot Kayleigh McEnany said a thing:
"Only in the minds of crazed liberals is it funny to drag a 13-year-old child into the impeachment nonsense," [McEnany said.] "Pamela Karlan thought she was being clever and going for laughs, but she instead reinforced for all Americans that Democrats have no boundaries when it comes to their hatred of everything related to President Trump."
McEnany demanded Democrats "immediately repudiate" the professor and "call on her to personally apologize" to Donald and Melania Trump.
Yeah, poor Barron.
Kellyanne Conway said some shit, but guess what, she needs to go fuck herself, so we're not going to quote it.
Because of the stupid and entirely feigned outrage, Karlan ended up "apologizing" for her joke before the hearing was even over. We wish she hadn't, just like we wish Sam Bee hadn't apologized for that very naughty thing she said about Ivanka Trump. At least Karlan made it a really backhanded apology:
I want to apologize for what I said earlier about the President's son. It was wrong of me to do that.
It was wrong of her to say Trump can't literally make Barron a baron. One does not say such things about the king's powers. But ...
I wish the President would apologize, obviously, for the things that he's done that's wrong but I do regret having said that.
Whatever. What Karlan said was fine, and apologizing for saying and doing things that are completely fine only feeds the right-wing snowflake disease where it's totally cool if they say whatever racist or bullying shit they want, and yet immediately hit the fainting couch if a Democrat makes a mildly silly and not remotely offensive joke.
Pam Karlan was awesome yesterday, and she delivered one of the best analogies we've ever heard for exactly what crimes Trump committed against Ukraine, when she wasn't making Republicans look like idiots to their faces.
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Imagine living in a part of Louisiana or Texas that's prone to devastating hurricanes and flooding. What would you think if you lived there and your governor asked for a meeting with the president to discuss getting disaster aid that Congress has provided for? What would you think if that president said, "I would like you to do us a favor? I'll meet with you, and send the disaster relief, once you brand my opponent a criminal."
Wouldn't you know in your gut that such a president has abused his office? That he'd betrayed the national interest, and that he was trying to corrupt the electoral process? I believe the evidentiary record shows wrongful acts on those scale here.
Not hard to see why Trumpworld would want to distract everyone from Pam Karlan's testimony, is it?
Karlan's name was bandied about a lot every time President Barack Obama made a Supreme Court nomination. After her performance yesterday, she should be on every Democratic 2020 candidate's short list, don't you think? Especially if we manage to take back the Senate.
Republicans would LOSE. THEIR. SHIT.
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Now you can buy the impeachment shot glass set if you haven't already, it's a Christmas miracle.