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VaselineHabits's avatar

I ate decently "healthy" cereal today because I'm all candied and pie'd out.

Excited to go work out! They weren't open yesterday, so I got alittle break. But I love leaving the house, listening to my YouTubes, and burning some energy.

I'm already boiling with rage, working out helps keep me in check. My mouth however 😬 Hope all you cool kids had a great Holiday

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Hooker P Tape skipping dipshit's avatar

Why is it freezing rain when it's 22F out?

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TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

Because it’s not cold enough upstairs.

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Sherry's avatar

Haven’t gotten my Chowfun and applied the hot chilis yet to blame my tears on. See things like this gives me hope. Obama was right when he campaigned on Hope. This driving force can keep people shipwrecked alive, provides motivation to help others and more than anything makes your world a little brighter when it seems like there is nothing but darkness. Selah.

May everyone have a lovely long weekend. Tell your babies and friends and family how much you love them.

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SkeptiKC's avatar

Blessed be, Sherry.

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Chino Cherokee's avatar

I spent some time today writing a Christmas story. Want to read it??

Here you go. Enjoy!!

--------------------------

A dying old man sits in a darkened room. He is miserable.

His life has been a long series of failures. He attempts to distract from these failures by attempting to act strong and confident, but the act is not working. Everyone sees him as weak, sad and pathetic.

This hurts him greatly. He so wanted his life to be a success story, but he’s never been able to feel joy, happiness, or bask in any kind of success.

He spends most of his time in his room. The TV is on and he watches, hoping to see good news about himself, or some type of recognition.

He sees none.

He is hated globally. He is recognized around the world as a morally bankrupt, terrible human being.

He floods social media with his anger, his hatred, and false stories of his supposed ‘success.’ Everyone knows these stories are lies.

He would never admit it publicly, but he knows the truth. He knows he is a complete failure. He realizes he’s been convicted of many crimes, even sexual assault. This hurts him greatly, but he hides this pain. He lies and claims the truth never happened.

He has delusions that everyone is out to get him. Nothing is his fault, as long as he can lash out and blame someone else. This does not work. Facts destroy his delusion, but he cannot accept that.

He is miserable. He cannot believe where he has ended up. Everyone, including his family hate him and wish his impending death was coming sooner.

He sits alone in a dark room. He is seething with anger. He is consumed by rage. His thoughts center around fury.

This is his life.

His only savior will be his impending death. Until then, he suffers.

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SkeptiKC's avatar

The wretched man's self-consuming selfishness and resulting agony is thoroughly damned gratifying.

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Enter Ranting's avatar

Well, at least he has his wife. Where's his wife? Has anyone seen her?

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Chino Cherokee's avatar

She's in New York, spending time with Barron's father.

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Sherry's avatar

That ending will one day be a true story. The rest still true now.

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Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

The old man realizes what he thought would be his crowning success has turned into abject failure. The old man cannot muster the strength nor the support to make his situation better. Even the old man's close "friends" have abandoned him.

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Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

I assume one can't see the ketchup on the walls in the darkened room?

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Chino Cherokee's avatar

The room is dark, unkempt, and smells of feces. No one is allowed in the room except the dying old man.

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SkeptiKC's avatar

Just moments after I finished the last of quite a few Boxing Day morning chores, finished cleaing Ripper's cat-a-loo, hung up the broom, opened a carbonated adult malt beverage, winced miserably, sat down in front of computer and donned my headphones paul FINALLY got up.

THAT morning routine is as predictable as the forthcoming sunset.

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eppe's avatar

Reverse the genders, delete the cat chores, and that could be this household. 'Cept that MsEppe is still asleep.

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Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

It's 26.3°F (-3.2°C) and the clouds are slow rolling in. I hope every Wonketteer who is traveling in our area gets home safe and SOON. Certain joints of a certain age are foretelling the snow will start soon.

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Vic's avatar

Those poor kids, growing up in a sewer of such lethal poisonous ignorance and hatred.

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memzilla's avatar

Well, crap. Building fire earlier. 320 unit building, no evacuation but a 'shelter in place' order was issued at the time, along with an earsplitting fire alarm.

Extent of damage unknown, but all four elevators affected and out of service until repairs, currently underway, are done.

I had planned to hit the liquor store now to avoid the incoming snow, but that would entail walking up and down 19 flights of stairs which is contraindicated by my foot neuropathy.

Sigh.

So, going to nap and hope at least one elevator is fixed before the liquor store closes. But that will be in the midst of the snow storm.

Pray for my vodka-deprived soul!

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Marty Smit's avatar

Yikes, but you’re safe.

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BillEGoatSmile's avatar

Can you get delivery and tell them you'll tip extra if a spry person will make the trek up the stairs? Desperate times call for desperate measures!

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memzilla's avatar

Going to the bank for cash was *another* thing I was going to do.

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Birb-General of the US's avatar

With 320 units, certainly one of your neighbors is wondering right now, "Who could I give this vodka to, I don't drink liquor."

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Smoke O'Possum's avatar

This may be the best use of NextDoor ever!

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Bobathonic's avatar

I stopped at the grocery store for a few things. Valentine's Day candy is on display now.

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RandomNameAllocated's avatar

Easter eggs were spotted by a friend, ON MONDAY!

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VaselineHabits's avatar

Christmas shit was out before Halloween was over 🙄

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Tetman Callis's avatar

"Give your loved ones our artisanal candy. Aged for six weeks for that exquisite bouquet."

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MrEes's avatar

C.f. Necco wafers!

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Dorothea is a Democrat's avatar

JFC.

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TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

Damn. That’s almost harsh.

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Antifa Commander's avatar

SUCKS TO BE YOU, JESUS!

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Smoke O'Possum's avatar

Downthread there was some discussion of cutting responses, so I present Brooke Teagarden writing insultingly poetic replies to creepy men on the internet

https://letsnotdate.substack.com/p/desire-reverie-and-delusion?r=d8eu&triedRedirect=true

It's got some zingers.

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kenc710's avatar

And this is the post we needed. Thanks, Dok.

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Lochspring's avatar

Our time here on the Best Coast ends today, and back to snowy Buffalo with us tomorrow morning. All in all, a successful holiday; no major fights, general good times, no one had a serious injury, and my kiddo and his granddad made a wooden katana in the shop, which has made Lochspring Jr happy as the proverbial canned clam. It's a good life.

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Bobathonic's avatar

A wooden katana, eh? How about wooden samurai?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpefYPLH67A

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eppe's avatar
16mEdited

Nothing I like better at this time of year than the video of the pregame preparations for a snowy Bills homegame.

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Richard S's avatar

Safe travels! May you dodge the snow on your arrival.

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Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

Hear, hear! Get home safe and SOON.

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Antifa Commander's avatar

Well this is Boxing Day, I hear, and yet I don't see anything about boxing. I aim to fix this, with a cheerful report on an ANDREW TATE [and his fans] MELTDOWN. "If I didn't get tired, I would've won," he said. Hey Andrew, you know what the first rule of boxing is? DON'T GET TIRED. So instead, you trained like a loser schmuck? Figures.

Hope y'all enjoy yer Boxing Day present. Er, I mean Cheerio, pip pip and all that!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMFIfQSp1Gc

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TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

Whatever, it was great seeing his ass get beat.

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eppe's avatar

Manly man men don't make excuses for their shortcomings, Andy.

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Pauly2coffees's avatar

“If I couldn’t make excuses, I’d be a total loser.”

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Bobathonic's avatar

The science fact that if things were different, things would be different. Stupor genius!

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YaJagoff's avatar

Also too, if the dog wouldn't have stopped to shit, he'd would've caught the rabbit.

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Opposite of Oligarch's avatar

“If I hadn’t lost, I would’ve won.”

At least he has being a genius to fall back on.

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Dudley Didwrong's avatar

Surprised that he didn't brag about coming in "a close second."

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OneYieldRegular's avatar

Low energy. No stamina. Very beta-male.

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Cathy Cooper's avatar

thank you

( place unicorn here )

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BillEGoatSmile's avatar

75 minutes left in the work cave. It's only been me and my boss's assistant and neither of us really had any work today. So we texted boss to see if we could leave at 4:00 and she said go like hell.

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Richard S's avatar

2 hours to go here.

Half the office took the day off - and every other department on the floor is closed. Lights off, doors locked.....

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Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

Careful! This is when the ghosts show up.

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Smoke O'Possum's avatar

Are y'all in the snow warning area? If so, grab a roll of toilet paper on your way out ;)

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