Nikki Haley’s Classy POTUS Platform: 'Biden Old, Already Dead, Pick Me, I'm Still Alive!'
'Oh, and did I mention that Kamala Harris is Black?'
Guess it’s time to remind everyone that Nikki Haley sucks. The Republican presidential candidate is polling in single digits, but she still hopes primary voters will pick her because she’s young and strong, not old and weak like Joe Biden and strawberry-blonde dreamboat Donald Trump.
During a Friday appearance on “Good Morning America,” Madame Haley, fortune teller to the stars, again foretold that Biden is a walking dead man.
“Well, first of all, a vote for Joe Biden is a vote for Kamala Harris,” Haley said. “You know that and I know that. There’s no way that Joe Biden is going to finish his term. I think Kamala Harris is going to be the next president, and that should send a chill up every American’s spine.”
Not every American, obviously, as 81 million of us — a clear majority of the electorate — voted for the Biden/Harris ticket. Harris was in a few campaign ads, as well, so we all know what we were getting. Harris at her absolute worst is better than Trump and Haley at their absolute best. Harris also isn’t a convicted felon, yet Haley claimed Friday that President Kamala Harris is still worse than a president who’s under White House arrest.
“I mean, ask Americans: Do you think he’s going to finish his term?” Haley said defensively when host George Stephanopoulos pushed back on her morbid prognostication. “Do you think he’s actually going to finish what he started?”
Wait, so she wants Biden to finish what he started? If he fails, that’s a good thing from her perspective, right?
“I mean, look at the decline he’s had over the last few years!” exclaimed Haley, who is not a medical doctor and has never examined Biden. “You have to be honest with the American people, George. There’s no way that Joe Biden’s going to finish out another term. We can’t have an 81-year-old president. We have to have a new generational leader. The Senate has become the most privileged nursing home in the country!”
OK, that Senate line’s funny, but still mean. She went on:
“We’ve got to start making sure we have a new generation.”
“Everybody feels that — Republicans, Democrats feel that — and it’s time that the media acknowledge that.”
The problem with Haley’s ageist argument is that Harris is from a newer, non-Stone Age generation than Biden. She turns 60 in 2024, which is like the average Senate intern age. I get that Haley is trying to scare swing voters with the prospect of Biden keeling over during his second-term and the brown lady taking over — a cynically racist argument coming from another brown woman — but that clearly suggests that the infirm Biden is superior to the middle-aged Harris. It says a lot that Haley can’t just run against Biden himself.
Harris is hardly Sarah Palin, either. The Republicans who insist Biden is some commie Marxist wannabe despot can’t grudgingly concede that the situation might improve if Harris is president or at least not get much worse. Democrats who pushed for Trump’s removal during his first reign of terror were willing to accept a Pence presidency, at least until we could beat him at the ballot box.
Haley is not seriously running for president or realistically believes she can win the nomination. If she does, she’s suffering from a greater mental decline than old Uncle Joe. No, she likely has her eyes on the vice presidency, where she can enter the Oval Office through the back door.
Donald Trump is 77 and charged with 91 separate felony counts. That’s stressful for someone half his age. Amazingly, Trump is still the likely nominee but if he dies or ends up in prison, a lot of Never Trump Republicans would happily embrace Haley. She received raves from the anti-Trump pundits for her “neoliberal revival” performance at last week’s debate.
The threat Haley poses is that her presence on a Trump ticket could make the Never Trump hold their noses and hope for nature (or the law) to take its course. The upside is that Haley’s “Yasss Queen!” gambit probably won’t work. MAGA demands total fealty and true believers, not calculating opportunists like Haley.
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Harris was elected AG of California, acquitted herself well, served as a US Senator, acted appropriately and normally, and has been VP for three years and brought appropriate dignity and solemnity to her duties. So why the fuck do they keep trying to paint her as circa 1968 Angela Davis breaking brothers out of Fulsom with a pump shotgun?
If Haley faced Harris in a VP debate, Harris would easily emerge the winner. Haley is "smart" the way Paul Ryan was "smart", because Republicans advertise her as the 'smart one'.
(sort of like the old Yiddish joke about the rabbi asked to speak at the funeral of a rich man, he responded, you want me to say good things about that rotten man? The community leaders reply, his family will be there and they are wealthy, say something good about him, so the rabbi stood up at the funeral and said, "The deceased was a cheater, a liar, a philanderer, and a crook... but compared to his brothers sitting here, he was a saint!)