No Fair -- How Can Darrell Issa Leak Obamacare Website Security Info If HHS Won't Trust Him?

When we first read this article about notorious cosmic dingleberry Darrell Issa (R-Satan's Bunghole), we seriously had a newsgasm. After cleaning up our computer screen, we have been laughing ever since, because... well, this is just so awesome, even though it is from Politico:  

The Health and Human Services Department told... Chairman Darrell Issa [R-CA] that it won’t turn over documents related to the security of the Healthcare.gov website because it can’t trust him to keep secret information that could give hackers a roadmap to wreak havoc on the system.

Issa is apparently none too happy, last seen stomping his feet and whining and carrying on, showing his true colors as a shitty little titty-baby. Come, fellow wonkeroos of wonklandia, let's awesomesplore an agency finally calling out Issa for being the despicable rat-fucking piece of human filth that he is.

It all started when Issa launched yet another failed investigation into the administration, trying his best to dig up selected pieces of dirt that the media would run until Cap'n Awesomesause, Elijah Cummings, would correct the record and show Issa to be a lying piece of shit. This time around, he is investimigating the glitchy rollout of Healthcare.gov . Issa wants to see "unredacted copies of security-testing documents." Now HHS has already given him and his staff access to these documents, but in a legal way known as "in camera." This means that they can look at the documents in a secure room, but can't have physical copies. Issa wants physical copies, and why in the world would anyone be at all nervous as to those documents being leaked? Oh yeah:

Government officials say Issa has been too loose with sensitive information in the past, including with the names of Libyans who were assisting the United States during operations in that nation, the details of secret wiretaps in the “Fast and Furious” investigation, and TSA documents that included security information.

It seems that folks in the administration have finally figured out that Issa's office is a convenient pass-through for conservative media outlets for leaked information. In a letter to Issa's office, new Wonket Hero and HHS Assistant Secretary for Legislation Jim Esquea told Issa that “the committee’s unwillingness to commit to undertake measures to address the security risks associated with further disclosure is troubling, particularly in light of reports that sensitive materials were disclosed through various investigations.”

We haven't seen the full letter, but we imagine it goes on like this: "There are reports that you have termites in your smile, and that you have all the tenderness of a seasick crocodile. Furthermore, multiple sources confirm that your heart is full of unwashed socks and that your soul is full of gunk. When asked how to describe you, the words that best described you are as follows (and we quote): 'Stink. Stank. Stunk.' Given this information, along with the fact that you are a lying liar who constantly lies, we cannot, in good conscience, disclose the various materials for which you ask."

And on this day, the testicles of Mr. Esquea grew ten sizes... plus two!

[ Politico / Dr. Seuss ]