Donald Trump is frantically screaming about how Meet The Press host Kristen Welker needs to be punished or maybe disappeared for lightly suggesting that not all his endorsements have been made of gold this midterm season. He is trying to sic the FCC on “FAKE POLLS” that, we guess, don’t say he and the Republicans are winning 49 out of 50 states in a landslide, and the one he isn’t winning is because it’s rigged by mail-in-voting or Hunter Biden’s laptop.
He’s frantically screaming that if James Talarico wins in Texas, “I will be the last Republican president and our country will live in hell!” So that is dramatic.
Meanwhile, he has also been frantically screaming that the Republican midterm convention he’s throwing in Dallas next week is going to be “Historic Event” and “RALLY like none other!” and you know how his babbling goes. “GREAT AMERICAN COMEBACK!” “NO TAX ON TIPS!”
Sounds cool.
Except for how hardly any Republicans appear to be planning to attend, especially those with tough re-election fights, because Donald Trump adds zero (0) value to their re-election prospects, because he is approximately as popular these days as accidentally slamming your finger shut in a car door on your way to unanesthetized hemorrhoid surgery.
Reporters are running around Capitol Hill asking Republicans if they’re excited to go to Dallas this weekend for this veritable MAGA fuckfest — White House aides are calling it Trump-a-palooza, sad — and shit if they don’t all seem to have other plans that day.
For one thing, Republican lawmakers are supposed to pay $25,000 for the privilege of being in the same room as the human equivalent of a loose stool. Which is, what, a bribe? (And that’s the entry-level bribe, says Puck News.)
And then there’s, like, some football games next week and weekend?
And it’s almost 9/11?
And, like, nobody fucking cares about watching President Epstein McPuddingCup’s latest desperate ploy for a mandatory Dear Leader celebration?
Anyway, John Thune and Mike Johnson are going, because they probably have to, as congressional Republican leadership. Ted Cruz is going, because we guess all the flights to Cancun are overbooked, and besides, he’s not done saying “Please sir, may I have another?” to express his continued subservience to Trump, after Trump called his wife an Ugly from Fugly Town all those years ago.
Gross fraud-crimer Texas Republican Senate nominee Ken Paxton is going, because Dallas, and anything to try to save himself from losing to James Talarico. We’re sure Donald Trump will waddle his voluminous ass out of the way long enough to make it about Ken Paxton.
But a POLITICO survey of more than 70 GOP candidates and members revealed that most either do not plan to attend or are still weighing whether to go. Dozens more declined to share their plans.
Hahahahahahaha.
So that’s 70 “Nos” and one million “Let me touch base with you that days” and probably a bunch of day-of “OMW!” texts from Republican politicians/candidates who are definitely still at home on the couch masturbating to Death of the Pastor’s Wife on Netflix with no plans to get up.
Some of them have “fundraiser.” Some of them have “wedding.” Some have “9/11.” Some, like Susan Collins, are basically just like oh fuck off.
Some of them have $25,000 dollars to get in? What the hell? Literally. One House Republican Politico spoke to said, “I didn’t want to go anyways. That made it easier.” Meanwhile Tim Burchett is like heeeeeeenghhhh? “It’s $25,000, apparently — I just got a bill,” said Burchett.
Most of them have oh my fucking God, absolutely not, especially if they are hanging on to their seats by a thread:
“I just felt I’d be more useful in my district,” said Rep. Tom Barrett, who is facing a tough campaign to keep his central Michigan seat. “I travel a lot for this job and if I can be back home and see my family and do the job back home as well, then that’s sort of what I lean toward doing.”
Asked if the president’s remarks might cause him problems back home, Barrett said: “I can’t control what the president’s going to say at the convention, but I can control where I’m at, what I’m doing.”
Wait, is he saying he doesn’t think Donald Trump is going to stay on message? Huh.
“I’m going to be in my district,” Rep. Zach Nunn (R-Iowa) said when asked about his plans, while Rep. Rob Bresnahan (R-Pa.) said, “I’m not sure yet.” Rep. Jeff Hurd (R-Colo.) isn’t planning to go, according to people granted anonymity to describe his decision. And Rep. Nick LaLota (R-N.Y.) said he instead plans to visit colleges with his daughter.
One notable exception? Mike Rogers, the uncharismatic pile of shit trying to beat Abdul El-Sayed in Michigan, will attend. Probably beats having to talk to Michigan voters and run the risk of them finding out how much he sucks.
Here’s some more quotes and summarizing from Politico about how no Republican with a shred of dignity wants to show up for this clownfucking failure-fest:
With Trump front and center at the convention, some Republicans are privately fretting about slipping presidential approval ratings in their districts amid the ongoing conflict in Iran, a trade war with Canada and rising prices from both. Other moves by the administration, such as a deal tackling beef imports to address affordability, have angered other key GOP constituencies.
One House Republican not attending the convention who was granted anonymity to speak candidly called the event “a waste of time” and said the planning has been “a mess.”
“You shouldn’t be having to rally your base at this point,” the member said. “You should be trying to convince independents. Independents are not attending nor watching the midterm convention.”
Are they not? Huh.
It’s fine, we’re sure after Loser Fest is over, Natalie can print out some AI slop pictures of his big special convention where 10 million people showed up and everybody worshiped him and said “Sir, sir!” and the baby will sleep soundly and peacefully forever and ever, at least until he wakes up with gas and a need to tweet at 4 a.m or whatever.
[Politico]
To read more Evan than just what’s at Wonkette? Visit The Moral High Ground and subscribe to it!
Follow me on Instagram!
Subscribe to me on YouTube!
And on BlueSky!
And on Facebook!
𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝑹𝒆𝒑𝒖𝒃𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕....
Oh god, yes, please!
"I have to launder my bribes that weekend."
~ The Republican Congress