Non-Racist Alex Jones Wonders Why All These Racist Blacks & Hispanics Keep Attacking Him

Conspiracy freak and spokesman for the reality-challenged American community Alex Jones wants you to know that he bears no ill will toward the blacks, even though he says he's been "racially attacked" by them roughly eleventy-jillion times.

“I’ve been racially attacked by black people, probably -- let’s not exaggerate -- thirty-five times?” Jones said. “I’ve been racially attacked by Hispanics, let’s not exaggerate, five times. Let me tell you, that’s when you really get hurt bad. Compound fractures, you name it.”

The Evel Knievel of American race relations did not specify how many of these alleged attacks took place in the dimension that contains the Planet Earth, or which of them may have occurred as the result of mind-control rays being aimed at his assailants from the Defense Department's HAARP facilities in the Arctic Circle. He also made no mention of the possibility that chemtrails may have been to blame.

Just to make it perfectly clear that he is "smart enough not to become a racist" in response to the forty -- at a realistic minimum -- racially motivated attacks he has endured, Jones added,

“I am sick of it ... I am sick of the fact that I have been racially attacked over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. And the politically correct thing to do is just offer your kids up to have their noses broken and their eyes blackened and their bones broken, because the one thing you don’t do is ever go stand up against it. That’s what political correctness is in this country.”"

See? Not even the slightest hint of racism there. Alex Jones isn't the sort of person to worry about all those scary black thugs constantly beating up white kids, because he's above all that, and he's committed to the Big Picture, the need for global arglebargle:

“I’m smart enough to not become a racist over this. I’m smart enough to understand the manipulation. I’m smart enough to understand the geopolitical ramifications, and to actually try to bring people together to have a gang -- because everybody’s tribal, that’s what it is, we’re designed like that -- based on private property and the family and liberty and freedom and being honorable.”

Jones then removed his shoes and socks and proceeded to gnaw off his own left foot at the ankle, explaining that the Beta Reticulons would never keep him in their hyperspace zoo.

[ Mediaite ]