North Carolina Says, 'No Butt Stuff!' Wonkagenda For Thursday, December 22, 2016

Good morning, Wonkers! Here's SOME of the things we might be talking about today!

•  Eric Trump will stop soliciting donations for his charity because he thinks it might be seen as buying influence, calling it a "quagmire" that could "backfire." That's a little ironic considering that many of Donald Trump's appointees   have complicated business relationships and still won't detail how they'll divest themselves, which is likely to grind government to a halt when lawmakers and analysts try to figure exactly how the 1% might try to screw people for the next four years.

• Roughly 6.4 million people signed up for Obamacare, increasing enrollment numbers by 400,000, even though Republicans are claiming it's bad, broken, and needs to be repealed. Coincidentally, states that expanded their Medicaid programs saw fewer people skipping doctors visits because they could afford the cost of not dying. 

•  North Carolina legislators beat down an attempt to repeal HB-2 in an apparent reneging on an agreement between the lege and the city of Charlotte, sending signals that LGBT activists will have to fight to keep their right to have sexxxy parties, stay married, and use a damn bathroom.

• Washington DC has long been known as the place where smart, capable nerds go to shine, but that's about to change! Donald Trump wants BEAUTIFUL people for his administration because he's a showbiz guywho wants his staff to at least LOOK like they know what they're doing (and obviously there's no darn, dirty Messicans). Shave those soup catchers, boys, only fresh faces and busty blondes will be walking through this White House.

•  Kellyanne Conway has been named as a counselor to the president-elect, so we'll soon get more KaC than we can possibly stomach. Maybe blowing Donald Trump's horn in the private sector isn't as lucrative as she thought?

•  Cybersecurity firms are pointing directly at the Russian military as the source of the DNC hacks after it uncovered similarities in the hacking of an Android app used by Ukrainian artillery teams to aim their shitty Soviet-era boom sticks.

• Just like Hillary Clinton, Internet trolls are targeting German Chancellor Angela Merkel with tactics that are SHOCKINGLY similar to the (definitely NOT Russian) robot psyops tactics used in the U.S. election. And with the recent terrorist attack in Berlin, Germany's far-right party stands to gain ground in parliament even though the vast majority of Germans think they're crazy, racist assholes.

• The election campaign of Marine Le Pen, France's proto-Trump, is broke after the Central Bank of Russia pulled the license of a Moscow-based bank that was funding the National Front party, forcing Le Pen to beg for cash from what is assumed to be Russian oligarchs (we sayassumebecause Le Pen won't disclose who gives her money or what she spends her rubles on).

• The Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority has started printing its presidential inauguration SmarTrip card, but WMATA's annual inauguration card doesn't contain Donald Trump's face because Donald Trump didn't respond to Metro's requests to use a photo for the annual inaugural card. And nothing of value was lost.

• Here's some Nice Time about the longest serving woman in Congressional history, Democratic Maryland Senator Barbara Mikulski, a blue-collar badass from Baltimore who for 40 years paved a way for women in Congress, starting with the Senate's bathrooms.

• And here's your morning Nice Time: KITTENS!