It's time to retire the Oompa-Loompa pics, kids -- the new pictorial stand-in for "John Boehner" will now be the windup monkey from this video. You see, John Boehner has a windup monkey in his office. According to the House Speaker's website, the little bastard is "the second most photographed subject" in the office, right after the big bastard. We are informed that his staffers bought Boehner the leering windup monstrosity as a "light-hearted token of appreciation" in 2011, after he "joked in an interview that some days he felt like a windup toy because his jam-packed scheduled kept him so busy." And so like Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson, John Boehner finds himself fielding lots of questions about the monkey, like "Why do you have that monkey?" and "Can you wind up the monkey again?" and "Does the monkey cry at the drop of a hat too?" and "Is the monkey as single-mindedly devoted to stymying useful action in Congress as you are?" To help prove that we are indeed in the Silly Season, Boehner's staff produced this informative video about the windup monkey in the speaker's office, and also about the little toy that his staff gave him:
Don&#039;t you know you&#039;ve got to <a href="http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch\?v=CnVf1ZoCJSo" target="_blank">shock the monkey</a>.
<i>Have you ever thought about buying a third shed?</i>
Don&#039;t you know you&#039;ve got to <a href="http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch\?v=CnVf1ZoCJSo" target="_blank">shock the monkey</a>.
That monkey looks kinda nervous sitting on Uncle Boner&#039;s lap.
So be very careful when he bends down.
Did you compose the resolutions repealing Obamacare <i>in</i> the shed?
So, there are disadvantages to being 66 (the main one being, being 66), but at least I didn&#039;t have to watch anti-drug ads when I was a kid.
I really dont want to see John spank his monkey
As if that&#039;s the only wind-up toy the Koch Bros. have purchased and put into political office.
Eric Cantor has never looked better.
That video is the most productive thing Bonehead has done this year.
It&#039;s evil I tells ya! EVIL!
But the monkey looks okay.
&quot;because his jam-packed scheduled kept him so busy.&quot;
Busy doing squat. What Boner does day-to-day is very much like a wind-up toy monkey banging cymbals together, so I can totally see the analogy.
The live one, obvs.
And when the port is gone, he starts in on the brandy.