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Now That Kim Davis Is Free, Time To Crucify The Heretics
The power of fame compels her
Kim Davis, aka Rosa MLK Parks H. Christ, The Martyr of Rowan County, has been free-at-lasted from her jail cell, to go home and (TRIGGER WARNING FOR EWWWWWWW) do hot hetero sex to her second-fourth husband, Farmer Joe.
Davis's freedom is not expected to last long, though, because the Liberty Counsel lawyers footing the bill for her to be the face of their losing crusade need her to keep refusing to obey the court's orders until some court somewhere agrees with them, or until they've squeezed every last bigot dollar out of their email list, whichever comes first.
In the meantime, Davis's deputies in the Rowan County clerk's office have been happily gaying up whoever wants to get good and gayed, because while they might be personally opposed to homosexbian marriage, they are personally in favor of keeping their jobs and their paychecks.
And therein lies the problem, sayeth the True Believers:
Supporters of Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis, who refused to issue marriage licenses to gay couples due to her religious beliefs, said on Wednesday that any of her deputies who provide such documents without her permission should be fired.
Wait, you are probably thinking to yourself, these are the very same paste-gobblers who think Davis should keep the job she refuses to do? Yes, you, that's right. And now they want the deputy clerks to lose their jobs for actually doing their jobs? Right-o, again, you! But, see, it's totally different, because of how it's totally different:
Ante Pavkovic, one of the people who helped organize pro-Davis rallies outside the Grayson, Kentucky, detention center where Davis was jailed, lectured the deputy clerks not to violate their oaths of office, like Bunning and the U.S. Supreme Court justices who backed gay marriage did.
"Do not join them in this any further, and if you can't do that, then you should just quit," Pavkovic, 49, of North Carolina, said, standing in the clerk's office in Morehead, Kentucky.
Whaddya know, we actually agree! If you cannot do your job, you should quit your job. This Pavkovic fella just be on to something. And if those clerks who cannot do their jobs refuse to quit? Why, he's got a solution for that too!
He waved a sign in the faces of the deputy clerks that read, "Fire the cowardly clerks that are lawbreakers." He was asked to leave by a deputy sheriff.
But it's not just podunk numb nuts who are are all confused in their flabby brains about how the Bible is not actually the boss of the Constitution. The adulterous thrice-divorced harlot -- and working mother! -- has earned the support of Phyllis "Still Alive" Schlafly, whose mission in life has been to shame women like, well, like Kim Davis, because it's loose working-mother whores like her who have feminized America and destroyed traditional values. But despite Davis's promiscuity and marriage-undermining -- and being a working mother! -- Davis somehow fits nicely in Schlafly's agenda of reminding people that her wrinkled corpse is still technically alive and saying words, damnit:
It is not “rule of law” to jail someone based on judge-made law; it is “rule by judges.” Kim Davis is not committing civil disobedience, because she has not violated any law. She was arrested, humiliated with a mug shot and jailed, merely for abiding by state law and the Bible.
Sure, that's how it happened, why not?
Meanwhile, Mike Huckabee, the truest of Davis's True Believers, and actual candidate for president, has not only volunteered to go to jail in Davis's place, which is not how it works, as Huckabee the self-appointed constitutional expert ought to know, but he has appealed to the highest authority in the land to stop this injustice of enforcing the law:
Now, that's a funny thing because we would have expected Huckabee to appeal straight to God, given how they're so super tight and God has Huck on his speed dial and all. But surely Huckabee is not asking that President Obama issue some kind of (stage whisper) executive order , is he? Because as Huck well knows, the president has no authority to just, like, order stuff. Only Congress or Huckabee himself can make laws and, presumably, unmake laws, like the one that says "NO DOING CHRISTIAN STUFF, THAT'S A CRIME NOW!"
We might point out -- if we felt like being dickish, and yup, we sure do! -- that Huckabee, who has been demanding someone "tell me the statute, tell me the specific law" that legalizes gay marriage, should provide us the statute, or specific law, that makes Christianity a crime, because hell if we can find it. Oh right, because it doesn't exist, and Mike Huckabee should, as always, fuck himself right in his eye sockets.