266 Comments

I highly doubt that their Russian raccoons.

Expand full comment

No, and THEN take the food.

Expand full comment

Eric Alterman established long ago that there is no liberal media. Wrote a bestseller about it and everything.

Expand full comment

Do you mean something like this?

http://i.imgur.com/DjlXy.gif

Expand full comment

If all else fails, put some sugar water or vinegar in a bowl near the microwave. He'll probably find his way out to check that out.

Expand full comment

Clay County. Living proof that first cousins shouldn't marry.

Expand full comment

Dammit. I went to cook my porridge and Donald has a friend round. I do not like this at all.

Expand full comment

BEN CARSON LIBELZ

(not really, that guy is just sleeping it off)

Expand full comment

I don't. I record things and tell my phone who to call.

Expand full comment

You know would be great? If President Drumpf took everyone's guns. The guy is such a liar I can see that happening.

Expand full comment

TX State Sen. Bob Hall (who got elected because he hates women more than that pansy Bob Deuell who only added the ASC requirement to HB2 and put shoes on his podium for "all the babies who wouldn't wear them--unlike Bob Hall who would have just cut our feet off to remind us that we don't have the right to walk) has seen, with his own two blue eyes, ISIS and North Korea coming over the Texas-Mexico border! they're firing on the border security agents and Big Brother has told our good men to "stand down" and cover their balls with sand.

Expand full comment

Because it's infinitely more important than what tRump thinks? I don't know you, I don't live in your house, and will never eat from your microwave. It is more important to me than what Don Cheetoh thinks. I bet what the cockroach is thinking is more important.

Expand full comment

It won't be to hard to outvote them. They may think that he is a dream come true until they lose big. He hasn't said two words to Hillary's face yet. The lifelong Republican who would never vote for a Democrat and delivers the food that I run around the district has promised to vote for me for president if I get control of my anger issues. If I don't, he will write himself in. He won't vote for Hillary or Trump. Difference being that he won't vote for Hillary because of her party, he just refuses to vote for Trump.

Expand full comment

NICKELBACK LIBULZZ!!111one1111!£§«—•

Expand full comment

My 10 year old is growing out of saying whatever she is talking about at the moment is the best, or her favorite. I guess that Cheetos dust he rubs into his skin is going to his brain

Expand full comment

They fought like they had a spine, instead of carrying a death dealer because they were too scared to take an ass whipping. Not that I condone violence, but don't strut around like an alpha male if you're as frail as alpha-bits.

Expand full comment