202 Comments

Hey, they don't arm the chimps at the Dallas Zoo! They are already packing poop. But just try something in the Koala exhibit. Go ahead, punk.

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"While the Paris attackers used suicide vests and grenades ... " they were all Europeans from France or Brussels, which makes Syrians really, really scary.

Muslims don't even need to be Muslims to be terrorists.

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What do you expect from people who claim that fear of their god is the beginning of wisdom?

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One quibble - should probably be "if the 'people' in that theater in French were ALOUD to have guns..."

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And wrap all the barrels with bacon - a twofer!!!! No Muzlins and bacon right there ready for cookin'!

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Funny, I just heard a piece on NPR in which some european with a fruity accent says that the reason some of the attackers were being tracked into Belgium is because Belgium is one of the easiest places in Europe to get a gun.

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What is this "almost" of which you speak?

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Toyota trucks and Twinkies - indestructible.

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From the outside, to my ear, it sounds like "My boyfriend's on his way back, and when he gets here, he's going to beat you up." Aside from that, telling each other that they "fear God" sounds to me like cant, used to identify themselves as members of the club.

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I was in Montpelier recently and everyone was smiling. I was like: "What's wrong with them?" Then I had a Heady Topper.

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I'm hoping the irrational fear is enough...

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Tim Gunn has taught them well.

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Heck, they don't even need an actual Syrian with a gun, an imaginary one will do it.

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"Besides, in 2011, Texas had 699 homicides involving firearms. You’d think they’d be used to the occasional mass shooting by now."

This reminds me of the Steven Wright joke:

"It was after midnight and I was hungry, so I decided to go to the store that I knew was open 24 hours. When I pulled up to the store, the manager was outside locking the door and turning the 'open' sign to 'closed.' I said 'What're you doing? The sign up there says 'Open 24 hours.' He looked at me and said, 'We are, but not in a row.'"

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And equally edible.

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If I were "a refugees", I would want an Obamaphone. Or is it A Obamaphone?

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