NSA Building Million-Square-Foot Facility To Look At Your Por

The National Security Administration is building a $1.2 billion data center in Utah that will span a million square feet, and will be the largest Department of Defense war-building building in the country. By comparison, the Pentagon is 6.5 million square feet. Do these people realize you don't really need much physical space to go on the Internet, because it is a magical land that defies time and space? Apparently not. Apparently, in order to uphold "cyber security" against the combined forced of five guys with a Playstation 2 and some spotty dial-up AOL in a cave somewhere, they need an Internet powerhouse the size of ten thousand caves. (And then they will catalog what kind of porn each and every person in the world likes, of course.)

"In an era when our nation and its allies are increasingly dependent on the integrity of information and systems supported, transmitted, or stored in cyberspace, it is essential that that space is as resilient and secure as possible," said NSA Deputy Director John C. Inglis.

"Also, we want everyone to know that Paul Freeman of Marion, Iowa likes to watch videos of people fucking fresh snow on the ground. And he bought like six different brands of sardines online the other day. Isn't that weird?"

Meanwhile, Obama is trying to create some sort of online ID system which, though it will probably intrude less than that asshole Facebook, is sponsored by the government, who is throwing government money at tech firms for no apparent reason.

So do all your embarrassing Internetting now, America, before the giant Internet building decides it needs to read your e-mails and put you in troll jail. [ Net Security / SF Chronicle ]