231 Comments

His mother told me that they used to call him "Threads" when he was in HS because of his wardrobe choices. But these days he's been sporting cargo shorts. So, tossup?

Expand full comment

"Hello Vlad. Look down. Check out my ring."

Expand full comment

"Maybe he wants to finger-sex the townspeople while he’s on his visit," Or maybe he did and that's how he lost it!

Expand full comment

Damn. As much as I like Hillary, I'm sure going to miss that grin.

Expand full comment

"Have to u ever considered that maybe Obama is just one of those people whose fingers don’t feel comfortable wearing rings, so maybe he wears his real wedding ring, his true symbol of marital devotion to Michelle, ON HIS COCK? Bet you didn’t think of that."

I thought of that. Which means my wife caught me being gay on the internet again. It's okay though, I blamed Evan again.

Expand full comment

"which he wears on his dick, which is bigger than yours."

Huge stimulus package!!!!!

Expand full comment

I have big freaky knuckles which makes my ring huge. When I pick things up it hurts because it smashes against the other fingers. It's fine though because I lost it after less than two months of marriage. I have a 4 dollar flea market ring that somehow won't stay on my fingers but isn't too big so as to be uncomfortable.

Expand full comment

You are mistaken. Trump's isn't presidential, it's prenatal.

Expand full comment

They really are more American than us. They do everything we do just a little better. Except for being stupid. We excel!

Expand full comment

That was the first thing I laughed at today. Just heard this morning that a good friend and SAR teammate is in a Cardiac Care Unit awaiting a heart transplant. He was a rockstar at a SAR exercise a month ago yesterday!!! I'm still stunned.

I'm a big fan of bats! Awesome that Obama is luring more in!!!

Expand full comment

6'1" and 5'11"? That's a tall couple. I wonder how many world leaders are bothered by their obvious height advantage? I'm guessing Putin is lucky if he is 5'6". Wonder if Russians care about height? They all seem to be pretty stocky and alpha on TV. I've never met an Russian in real life.

Fuck all that noise! I'm taller than the Preznit!

Expand full comment

She emailed it to her donors in exchange for moar pantsuits because BENGHAZIIIII!!!!000!!!! After Bill made a pass at it of course.

Expand full comment

No wedding ring?????

You just wait until Moochelle Silverback Wookieeface Trannybama finds out about this! S/he will flex his/her mighty biceps and dick/bitch slap that little bitch Barry Husein Odumbo AKA Frank Marshall Davis junior!

Expand full comment

http://img.photobucket.com/...

Evan, I thank you for staving off what felt like a looming depression. Seriously, I really needed that laugh. :)

Expand full comment

I call dibs on her temples.

Expand full comment