Golfing-man Phil Mickelson has appeared in these pages before, not for his achievements in the sport of golf-balling, but rather for his excellence in the sport of being a mouthy, whiny Ayn Randian cock-nozzle about the terrible, terrible burden of subsisting on the measly $25 or $30 million a year he earns after taxes because successful millionaires are so badly punished by our nation’s regressive tax structure. Oops, excuse us, another roach just scuttled across the floor of the crappy studio that is the best our measly freelance writer salary can afford…
Fortunately, Phil Dickheadson will soon be on the seniors' tour, which means he'll work even less than he does already, and we'll have to hear from/about him less frequently. And by "work", I mean "stroll around in the sunshine in fabulous locales occasionally hitting a ball with a stick, while being paid as if he were single-handedly repairing the nation's infrastructure."
If he made a killing by shorting Clorox, he'd have had to know that Icahn's attempt to buy the company was going to fail. I'm guessing it was call options.
Still trying to figure out whether it's cold in that picture or Phil's just happy to see us.
*rim shot*
Evita? No, wait, the one before her.
That&#039;s what <i>she</i> said.
Better Call Saul!
Fortunately, Phil Dickheadson will soon be on the seniors&#039; tour, which means he&#039;ll work even less than he does already, and we&#039;ll have to hear from/about him less frequently. And by &quot;work&quot;, I mean &quot;stroll around in the sunshine in fabulous locales occasionally hitting a ball with a stick, while being paid as if he were single-handedly repairing the nation&#039;s infrastructure.&quot;
&quot;Calm your tits&quot; is just an expression, Phil. Nobody meant for you to take it literally.
Arnie/Johnny Libel!
That drug he shills for clearly has some disturbing side effects. Ewww.
If he made a killing by shorting Clorox, he&#039;d have had to know that Icahn&#039;s attempt to buy the company was going to fail. I&#039;m guessing it was call options.
Hopefully Mickelson&#039;s lawyer didn&#039;t just put him in an unplayable lie. Or to quote Jack McCoy:
&quot;I&#039;m going to give you a mulligan. But if your next shot isn&#039;t on the fairway, you&#039;re going to jail.&quot;