Obama's State Department Full Of Gutter Alcoholics

We are in the wrong bidness. For serious, we thought that blogging meant we could be drunk all the time (check), work in our pajamas (check), and rant semi-coherently with terible grammer (check and check). BUT YOU GUYS, we are officially quitting and joining the State Department, because you gotta see their benefits.

As the government shutdown neared, the State Department splurged on $180,000 worth of liquor. Booze. Mommyblogger's little helper. Whatever you want to call it. And that's only PART of their liquor total for the year, which topped $400,000. Fuck this blogging shit -- we are moving to Foggy Bottom to live the good life with Secretary Kerry.

According to the Washington Times, the bill was split between various embassies around the world, which apparently need the liquor for when they host 'dignitaries' and other important people. However, it is clear that Obama Ambassadors like to take the edge off more than their predecessors:

But the booze bill has risen sharply each year since 2008, according to the federal government’s procurement database, which includes a specific code enabling the public to track alcoholic beverage purchase orders.

We knew we were libruls for a reason! How sharply has it risen? Well, in 2008 they only spent a measly $118,000 on liquor. Thank god Sec. Hillz knows how to throw a party when she is globetrotting! Here are just a couple of examples:

• The embassy in Rio de Janeiro spent $5,925 on “gratuity whiskey." We're grateful if our mom's basement lights don't go out in the winter, forget the ability to spend six grand on whiskey!

• In Moscow, the embassy spent almost $16k on bourbon and whiskey. Props to them for fighting against homophobic Russian vodka, Dan Savage style.

Now that we know how much taxpayer monies go to booze in embassies, we are turning our all-too-sober eyes to you, Glorious Readers. If America can spend that much for embassies to get shitfaced, then surely we can match them. Dig deep, Wonkeroos, and help this little blog surpass the State Department in booze consumption. With your help, let's have a Christmahannakwanza holiday miracle, and make black jesus proud of his eight-day menorah, or something. DONATE HERE. 

From our temporarily sober hearts, we thank you.