Oh Fiddlesticks. The Satanic Christmas Tree Has Come To Attack The Christians.

This is just like the lions in the Colosseum probably.

Nov 28, 2023

There’s some kind of Satanic Christmas tree in Wisconsin and all the dumbest conservative Christians in America are taking the bait and going into histrionics about it. Surprise.

The tree was trimmed by the Satanic Temple, which doesn’t actually worship Satan, but definitely likes trolling these idiots, sometimes with success. (Here is a video of Kristan Hawkins, the impressionable leader of Students For Life, devastated as she recently read aloud literature about the Satanic Temple’s new Samuel Alito’s Mom abortion telehealth clinic like it’s true religious doctrine about Satan and abortion. The telehealth clinic is real, though.)

The frightening tree is at the Festival of Trees at the National Railroad Museum in Green Bay, Wisconsin. It says “Hail Santa” on it. It’s one of 66 trees. Out of 66 trees, 60 of them have literally nothing “Christian” on them. “We have six Christian-related groups that have trees up this year, but it’s mostly businesses and nonprofit organizations,” said museum CEO Jacqueline Frank. “We have everything from a tree with hardware on it, a tea tree, we have a Lego tree. It’s a lot of different organizations promoting their business.”

Fuckin’ trees, y’all.

Nobody cared until it hit social media, which should be something we all keep in mind when conservative Christians are running their mouths. Nobody cares what they’re saying until they muster up a fake uproar by connecting lunatics with each other online. This is why those Moms For Liberty freakshows seem so threatening, right up until the moment they actually have to nut up and try to win a school board election.

The Catholic League — that one-man bigot spigot “organization” run by Bill Donohue that represents hardly any actual Catholics but flaps its melodramatic yap a lot — is doing its part to gin up the fake outrage against the devil tree in Green Bay.

Here’s his headline:

SATANISTS AND TRANS ACTIVISTS DEFILE CHRISTMAS

Oh bless his heart.

Bill’s press release says two of the trees have “ignited backlash” (among unfuckable incels behind their computers or whoever is on Bill’s mailing list). The other tree has LGBT stuff on it.

Bill bitches for one million paragraphs about the Satanic Temple’s support for abortion. (Wait until he hears about the huge majorities of Americans who agree with them about that.) He bitches about the Satanic Temple naming its telehealth clinic after Sam Alito’s mom. He bitches that “They also sell condoms with an image of all nine Supreme Court justices on it.”

He bitches about the LGBT tree too, and complains that the railroad museum — yes, again, this is about the railroad museum in the teeming metropolis of Green Bay — hired a LGBT person from the very org sponsoring the tree.

He compares it to the Klan being allowed to participate in an event honoring Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

“There is no other way to interpret the TST anti-Christmas display at the Museum than to say that it is demonstrating hostility to Christianity,” says Bill.

Applying Bill’s logic, any of the trees that don’t feature life-sized depictions of the birth of Christ are probably also demonstrating hostility to Christianity.

Get on it, Bill.

Bill’s conniption came after another conniption on Fox News, where the actual United States congressman who represents Green Bay, a man named Mike Gallagher (R-Obviously), just pissed himself in flaccid rage talking to host Sean Duffy.

“I think it’s impossible to overstate how offensive it is to Christians.”

Oh honey. It’s possible.

“It would be quite, in the literal sense, the same thing as waving the Hamas flag inside of a synagogue.”

All Christians remember the day they got baptized at the railroad museum.

Seriously, tying to work out the SAT analogy here.

Satirical Satanic Christmas Tree : Choo-Choo Train Museum :: Hamas Flag : Synagogue.

Nope. It does not work, nope.

"I mean, it’s just absolutely crazy that we would allow this to happen.”

“We.” Like we all have a stake in what the hell the railroad museum in Green Bay does.

“What’s happening is we’re just trying to defend basic traditions, or defend our children in the midst of these basic traditions, from the encroachment of woke ideology or offensive, upside down cultural propaganda. And so, the whole thing is a shame. I thought that Northeast Wisconsin was at least immune to something that you might see in New York or California, but we need to be vigilant as parents.”

Not in Northeast Wisconsin ya don’t!

Gallagher additionally whines that “the local reporting has been insufficient” on the mean scary tree at the train museum, which suggests the denizens of Green Bay may not be shitting themselves over this the way these creeps would have us believe. He then bellyaches that “conservatives are often accused of launching a culture war,” as if anybody would know about this if conservative Christians weren’t having this exact reaction the Satanic Temple so easily baited them into.

Watch the tantrum below. Duffy has a sad white MAGA loser reaction too, but not as hysterical and overwrought as Gallagher’s.